What I remember from Tuesday morning (yesterday):
I was in a large banquet hall with other church women. I went towards the kitchen through another room that was empty but could be used to expand the dining area. There was a trail of dog poop on the floor. I told my friend Elenice that I would clean it up. So I bent down and began to wipe it up with paper towels. My friend Jennifer M. also came in while I was there and talked to me. (Both of these ladies represent ministries at my old church.)
After that I went to my pastor's house which was more like a house I have dreamed of before as the Coward's house or as Miss Michele's house. It's a large house with shag carpet, a sunken living room off to the left of the entry, and a hall way to the right. In the dream I was there to mentor the pastor's son Spencer. Both my husband and I were supposed to do it, but my husband had not wanted to come. I got there and stood looking at some art on the wall while there was a gathering of women in the background having a meeting of sorts.
In the dream I never got any real time with Spencer. I left because I was insecure about what I had been asked to do; with out my husband there I didn't think it was my place to mentor a young adult male.
After that I had a dream or a vision (inside my dream) of an embryo inside of me and it's birth. It was up on a screen. Watching, I knew it was Spencer's baby, but not a real baby. It was symbolic and I knew it.
I walked into a large church sanctuary full of people I know. I sat near the back. I saw my friend Ann Marie walk in and down the middle aisle. She had on a police uniform and her hair looked like Linda Carter's. She looked gorgeous. Everybody starred at her and she said hello in a very commanding voice. Everyone was happy to see her. I observed the scene at a distance. When the service was over I was walking out and told another friend that I had had Spencer's baby. Ann Marie, Pastor Scott (Spencer's dad), and a couple other people gathered around me congratulating me; saying things like, "That's great!" and "Go tell everyone!"
Ann Marie pushed me towards the front saying, "It's so great that you will finally be up front."
I got to the front, and woke up.
So what's the significance of this one? Well, Elenice is a friend who helped me start my "Beauty for Ashes" ministry. Jennifer is a friend that helped me start my "Mission Blessing" ministry. (Both ended before I left Harvest church, though the remnants remain to some extent.) Ann Marie was my only spiritual leader friend in my last two years of high school. She stood by me even when I got pregnant and had my daughter. And Spencer, I would say, has the greatest potential of my pastor's kids to be a pastor/speaker/something some day. However, Spencer is also my last name and could have something to do with that instead. Either way... the multi -purpose banquet hall in the beginning speaks volumes about putting in my time cleaning up poop in and for various ministries. I think the end when Ann Marie is saying that I will finally be up front, is talking about my next ministry 'baby' being more up front than behind the scenes or as a clean up crew.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
"Where Is His Head?"
I'm on vacation in Spain right now. I wish I would have been able to use the computer every morning cause the dreams here are crazy, but I haven't had the time.
I'll start with Monday morning's dream, cause I did at least get to write that one down (just not on the blog...yet.)
Monday morning’s dream:
My husband, daughter, son, and I were all late for school and were driving all over an unfamiliar city trying to get there. (Yesterday we got a little lost in the city of Malaga,Spain, and drove around for a while frustrated. This was a lot like that.)
Anyway, I was in a horse drawn carriage driving and my husband was driving an open back vehicle (not sure what). My daughter was sitting beside me and my son was standing on the back of my husband’s vehicle in front of us. My son was holding on to a bar in the back and standing on the bumper area. I was fine with that. My husband, however, was turning around telling him to sit down. I started arguing with him saying to leave him alone. Then the unthinkable happened. My son let go of the bar he had been holding, and fell. I was directly after them, and had no time to stop. The horses barely missed him, as did my wheels. But the truck that was directly behind me ran over his head with its second wheel. By then we had stopped our vehicles, and I was running to see if he was dead. I saw his body, but not his head. (There was no blood.) I was screaming and bawling my eyes out. I frantically lifted (with super human strength) all the tires to look for his head. The tires were transparent and there was no head or splat anywhere. In one of the tires I thought I saw a baby’s head from the top, but it was just something round inside the tire. I was ballistic. Crying, screaming, throwing tires left and right. I was mad at my husband and daughter for not seeming sad. My husband was trying to stay calm and rationalize the event. He even pulled out my son’s baby book and looked through it. He found a poem about a river, and read it. He then asked (because the poem had a word that repeated over and over, sounded like “La”,) if all rivers were the same river because they all had that word. I threw a tire right by his head, and one by my daughter’s head. I thought about who was at fault, but settled on nothing. I was crying so hard that I woke myself up.
(…and I’m certainly glad I did; It was a terrible dream!)
The only other dreams I have ever had about my children dying were ones where they fell, and I dove after them. This is the first one that I could not follow or try to save them; It was horrible. I don’t know if I’ve ever cried that hard in a dream. I have no idea what it means, if anything. We are on vacation, and sleeping on hard uncomfortable beds, so maybe it’s just that. My only other thought is about how I am frustrated that my husband doesn’t seem to care about my son as much as my daughter. By that I don’t really mean less care as much as less time devoted. But the dream only says something about that in part. Why was his head missing? Why did the truck just run over his head? What about the horses? What about the river poem? I have lots of questions. I hope there is nothing to it… nothing at all.
I'll start with Monday morning's dream, cause I did at least get to write that one down (just not on the blog...yet.)
Monday morning’s dream:
My husband, daughter, son, and I were all late for school and were driving all over an unfamiliar city trying to get there. (Yesterday we got a little lost in the city of Malaga,Spain, and drove around for a while frustrated. This was a lot like that.)
Anyway, I was in a horse drawn carriage driving and my husband was driving an open back vehicle (not sure what). My daughter was sitting beside me and my son was standing on the back of my husband’s vehicle in front of us. My son was holding on to a bar in the back and standing on the bumper area. I was fine with that. My husband, however, was turning around telling him to sit down. I started arguing with him saying to leave him alone. Then the unthinkable happened. My son let go of the bar he had been holding, and fell. I was directly after them, and had no time to stop. The horses barely missed him, as did my wheels. But the truck that was directly behind me ran over his head with its second wheel. By then we had stopped our vehicles, and I was running to see if he was dead. I saw his body, but not his head. (There was no blood.) I was screaming and bawling my eyes out. I frantically lifted (with super human strength) all the tires to look for his head. The tires were transparent and there was no head or splat anywhere. In one of the tires I thought I saw a baby’s head from the top, but it was just something round inside the tire. I was ballistic. Crying, screaming, throwing tires left and right. I was mad at my husband and daughter for not seeming sad. My husband was trying to stay calm and rationalize the event. He even pulled out my son’s baby book and looked through it. He found a poem about a river, and read it. He then asked (because the poem had a word that repeated over and over, sounded like “La”,) if all rivers were the same river because they all had that word. I threw a tire right by his head, and one by my daughter’s head. I thought about who was at fault, but settled on nothing. I was crying so hard that I woke myself up.
(…and I’m certainly glad I did; It was a terrible dream!)
The only other dreams I have ever had about my children dying were ones where they fell, and I dove after them. This is the first one that I could not follow or try to save them; It was horrible. I don’t know if I’ve ever cried that hard in a dream. I have no idea what it means, if anything. We are on vacation, and sleeping on hard uncomfortable beds, so maybe it’s just that. My only other thought is about how I am frustrated that my husband doesn’t seem to care about my son as much as my daughter. By that I don’t really mean less care as much as less time devoted. But the dream only says something about that in part. Why was his head missing? Why did the truck just run over his head? What about the horses? What about the river poem? I have lots of questions. I hope there is nothing to it… nothing at all.
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