Mice in the Kitchen, Forgotten Son, and Stuck Car.

It's been a while, I know.
My excuse (though not a good one) is that it's summer, and I have been sleeping in. I wake up so late that I don't feel like I have any time to spend typing.

For the past two nights, however, my dreams have been bad and pointed, so I thought I'd take a minute to write them down since I woke up a little early this morning.

Sunday night I had a dream that there were mice in my grandmother's kitchen. As you may remember I consider my grandmother the source of my family's spiritual legacy. When I dream of her house it is always a mansion, and typically very full. Sunday night's dream was no exception. The house was open and grand, with room for hundreds of people. I had been wandering around the first floor of the house, and came into the kitchen. There I found my dog nosing at the cabinets. I looked closer and he was killing a mouse. The mouse had on clothes (like Stuart Little). As I stood there, another mouse appeared and then another. All were dressed, but unwelcome just the same. I killed a few, and my husband killed a few. We were squishing them, halving them... whatever we could do to kill them.
As you know, the kitchen is the heart of the home, and mice are typically considered pests. I have been praying for my grandmother ever since as she has battled cancer and other ailments in the past, and her health is not the greatest even now. I can't think of any other meaning than disease in her "heart", (whether it be literal, or something like worry).

Last night's dreams were disturbing for other reasons.
In the first, I left my son alone in a crowded place, and in the second I could not get to my car.

The first dream began with my son and I walking through a flea market type environment. He was picking up all kinds of things that he wanted... mostly sweet treats, like popsicles. I showed him an area of gallons of ice cream and we talked about getting one even though we are both on a diet. (The diet was talked about repeatedly in the dream.) After we had gotten all the things he wanted I told him I would meet him back at the car and we would drive "home". I went out a back way through a warehouse guided by a worker who was hitting on me. I had four pen caps in my hand and then my back pocket. (Don't know what that was about.) When I got to the car I forgot to wait for my son. I instead drove all the way to the hotel/cabin, where my husband and daughter were already there and asleep. I went to bed, and fell asleep too. When I rolled over a little while later it dawned on me that I had forgotten my son. I panicked, and stumbled to the car still half asleep. I thought about the fact that I was too sleepy to drive. Then I thought about my phone battery. I looked down to see multiple missed calls from my son and even a very sad picture he had taken of himself. I also saw that my battery was in the red zone. I panicked more. Oh no! How am I going to get a hold of him? How is he going to call me? I ran back into the cabin to get my husband's phone, all the while thinking "what if my son's battery is almost dead?" I woke myself up with all the panic.

I went back to sleep after a quick pee brake. The next dream was better, but still bad.
I was with my two best friends from high school; we had been at some event and were now walking back to my car. We got to the parking garage and could not find my car. Then we found a hole in the back of the car garage down to another level of cars. I could see my car on the lower level. The cars were crammed together like sardines with absolutely no room to drive them out. There wasn't even a ramp to get them out of the hole. I jumped down the hole onto the hood of another car and walked around on car hoods to see if I could figure out something. Realizing that this was a towing company I deducted that the cars had been lowered down with a crane. So my friends and I went to find the owner. I found a worker sitting in a shack out in a dusty yard, feet up, talking on the phone. I asked if he could help me. He was very rude and denied me help. He mentioned the owner, pointed him out, and said he was busy too. No one would be able to help us. It was extremely frustrating. The dream ended in frustration after minutes of trying to get the owner's attention.

Meanings? Well, I think that the diet talk and the fact that all of our purchases were food items not on our diet, speaks to what the dream with my son was about. I have nearly reached my goal weight and my days of dieting will soon be over... or so I hope. (Even the worker hitting on me speaks of where I'm at in my weight.) My son is just now starting his weight loss journey (this time around). I think that the dream is reminding me not to leave him behind. Not to go back and "sleep" with my skinny daughter and husband. The world offers many temptations that I can't just say, "that's not on our diet, but just this once we could get it"; (which are the kinds of things I was saying in the dream).

Personal cars in dreams typically speak about your personal life. I don't particularly like the idea of my life stuck underground without having the ways and means of getting it out myself. I do like that my best friends are with me the whole time. I really don't have other thoughts about the meaning of that dream.

"A Swell Space" and "He's Driving Again"

Two dreams last night.
One was with my Swell Sisters (my art society). We were in a very cool house with very large and open rooms; completely furnished in a nice way, with nothing lacking.
We were working on an art project that involved beads and old jewelry. One sister (Alyson) was looking for all the pearls, because her piece was going to be made of pearls. (I had just been thinking of pearls at my mom's house this weekend because of her strand hanging near the mirror.) (Pearls, as you know are symbolic of long suffering, and are also not to be shared with "pigs". :-))
We all handed Alyson our pearls... some small some normal "pearl size". We worked on our projects and I looked around the room taking in all the features.
Then Michael Gorman showed up to tell us our time was over and we had to clean up. (Michael is another local artist who hosts life drawing sessions that some of us have been to.) In the dream he was leasing the space to us. It was his place. It wasn't bad that we were having to clean up or anything, and he was a very gracious land lord. We mentioned being back soon, and that was the end of the dream.

The next dream began with my son driving again. (Perhaps I'm thinking of this because of how he doesn't like my daughter's driving now that she is old enough.)(Or it's just another dream about him running the show.) He was driving with my dad and I in the car and we were heading for his class. The class was hard to find and we had to go up a side of a mountain and then back down again through an Italian looking village. He was taking the corners too fast and I was trying to get him to slow down. Some how my dad was the one in charge of our directions and the fact that we were running late. We finally parked on the side of a steep road aiming down on a curve. We got out and climbed down the hill about 100 feet to a small building that was tucked in the side of the mountain. I opened the door to let my son in. The class was full of kids and I noticed on the clock that we were 23 minutes late. I apologized to his teacher (played by his real teacher), and my dad and I went to wait outside at a cafe table in front of the room. There were two old Italian men sitting at the table next to us and they had small wooden dolls with them.
The dolls were more like Lego or Play Mobile people than what you may think of as a wooden doll. They had a flesh toned block of wood for the body that was carved to resemble a flattened over weight bowling pin about the size of your palm. There were hair pieces and other things that you could attach to the bodies. One could have blonde braids, and another a brunette bubble-flip. Then there were little hats that fit in a divot on the back of the hair. I dressed one to look like a candy striper nurse lady, and another more like a pilgrim. Then one of the old men held a man doll that he put some crazy wooden hair on and lit on fire. The doll did not burn up, instead the flames became part of his paint job and kept flickering. Even the doll's face (which on all the others was blank) started moving and turning evil.
I grabbed my dad and said, "let's get out of here". Then I woke up.

Don't let the 11 year old Drive.

In last night's dream I was driving a white car... maybe the one I had 12 years ago and I pulled up to a loading zone that reminded me of a car port at a Vegas hotel; tons of cars and taxis. I could see my mom and my sister inside checking out and grabbing baggage. We motioned for them to come over. (I was with my family.)
They got in and as we pulled away we were in a large bus. It was now only my mom and I, and my son, and the driver.
Somehow my son took over driving (He's only 11)and he was doing very well. My mom and I were moving all around the bus not concerned with safety at all. We were not paying attention to what my son was doing, just talking and having a good time.
Then it occurred to me to go check on him and I walked up to the front and just watched his driving for a moment. I saw a bicyclist in front of him and then watched in horror as he drove right over him. Again I saw more people on bikes and some pedestrians just walking down the middle of the street oblivious to the large bus behind them, and he ran over them as well. It wasn't bloody or gory or anything, It was more like a video game where each person you run over just disappears under you without so much as a hick-up. I yelled for my son to watch out and not to hit people, but he didn't seem to care about anything I was saying. Then he totally went off the road and started going over trees and other obstacles as if they were nothing. It was just like his video game that when you run into a bush it's like it's not there, and then reappears after you're over it.
I woke up (this was about 5:00) in disbelief; wondering if there was any meaning to the dream, or if I had just seen too many video games lately. If there is a meaning, it's probably, "don't let an 11 year old run the show... his brain is too full of video games."

The past three nights

I have been able to sleep in the past three days which really makes a difference for how well I remember my dreams! With no alarm clock you are able to naturally wake up, and then sift through your thoughts without the pressure of time.

I'll start with last night:
I had a freeway dream... Pointing out that almost ALL of my freeway dreams are futuristic. Freeways with layers and various directions all intertwined. Well last night's I was NOT the driver, unless you count back seat driving. I was riding in a car with family (though I can't remember who was driving or which part of my family was with me. I think my mom was there.). Anyway, we were going somewhere but were unsure of which exit to take. The roads were so confusing cause there weren't signs that said things like "Sacramento next exit", you just had to look at which way the roads went and know which way you wanted to go. The ramps were like pretzels though, so you could tell which one led North or South or whatever. We wanted to go to the right but we missed the turn and didn't realize it until it was too late and we were headed for a long bridge. (It reminded me of driving into Long Beach from San Pedro.) We couldn't turn around and there were no exits until after the bridge which seemed to just get longer and longer as we drove. It started to look like a post apocalyptic scene from "The Book of Eli".
I woke up out of frustration that I couldn't turn around.

The night before I had a dream about my friend Barbara and her two daughters. My family lived across the hall from her in an apartment building with thin walls. We could hear everything that they said. I found out that they were baking a chocolate cake and I went over to taste it. As I ran out into the entry/stairwell area I noticed that there were no rails around the stairs and that I could fall to my death. We were at least 5 stories up and it looked very scary spiraling down. Her daughter Brooklyn ran up the stairs yelling. I stopped running and eased my way to her door. I went in, got some chocolate cake and went back to my apartment to taste the strawberry cake that my husband had made. (Yeah right :-) .) I tasted them both side by side and then went back into the entryway and looked at the stairwell again. It now had rails up and I wondered if it had ever been unsafe, or if I had imagined it.

The night before that I had a dream about my grandparent's house. (Not the one they live in now... but the one they lived in during my childhood.) I always wanted to live in their house when I grew up. I thought it was a mansion when I was little. We lived in a trailer, and then in other small houses most of my childhood, so their three story house was huge to me.
Anyway, in the dream I was selling the house to a family with a little girl. It was like an open house viewing and then I invited them to stay (like on "Funny Farm"). I was cooking in a large kitchen (bigger than their actual kitchen) making them some dinner. The dad went to check on his daughter. I heard all of their names spoken. The dad was Eugene, the daughter was Emma-gene, and the mom had a "gene" name too. The daughter was only 3 or so and had gone upstairs. I went up too, and noticed that the stairs were not safe. They had gaps large enough for Emma-gene to fall through. (The stairs were very grand like on "Gone With the Wind"). I looked through a few rooms upstairs appreciating how royal looking and warm they were. I had in my mind that I would not sell the house. I came back down stairs sliding down the banister with Emma-gene in my arms and gave her to her parents.


I didn't mean to wait three days before posting... but often when you do wait (or if you'll go back to look at the weeks dreams before you analyze them) you'll find a common thread.
I could talk about these three as individuals, but for now I'm going to lump them together and see the common thread.
They are all about safety... and choosing one of two options.
All three deal with uncertainty, and not feeling safe.
Last night's dream, I knew where I wanted to go, but I let someone else choose the wrong way(they were driving),and I complained from the back seat. And the further we went down the "wrong" path, the more desolate and hopeless it became.
The middle dream (inspired no-doubt because Barb and her girls have been coming over making Christmas goodies with me three times in the past week,) dealt with the danger of the stairs and the choice of which cake was better.
Before that... I dealt again with dangerous stairs and the choice of whether or not to sell my grandparent's house.
Because the names were mentioned and because they all had the root of "gene" I thought I'd look that up. The name Eugene and just Gene mean "well-born, noble" Emma means "whole, complete, universal".
It's interesting because my grandparent's house means a lot to me. When I dream of them it is always in a mansion (way bigger than their real home) and it always has to do with their legacy of faith to me. I attribute my Christian heritage to them and their raising my dad to be who he is. (Both my grandpa and my dad are preachers.) I can't even imagine thinking of selling my faith... and what does it mean that I thought of selling it to people who were noble? Was I selling it for nobility? Well either way I'm glad I decided not to in the end... but why bring up that the stairs were dangerous for the little girl? hmmmm. Just an excuse?
Does that run into the other dream of making excuses for why not to go out to the entry way... "it's too dangerous". I have often debated if the friendship I have there is "good for me" or not. Knowing a lot about people (hence the thin walls that we could hear through) especially when you think what they are doing is dangerous... can be uneasy.
Then we have other people driving my life. It happens quite often with me.
I REALLY need to learn this lesson.

To me/from me:
"Drive your own life... You don't need excuses to make decisions that are about you to begin with. Safe is just a frame of mind... You're only scared because you're scared of what others will think/say/or be hurt by. Man up!"

Kid's Driving

My daughter is finally home, which means someone else is able to have the puppy sleep with them. :-) And that leads to me remembering more dreams!

Last night I had three that I remember.
One was of my friend Barbara's daughter Brooklyn, driving.
Brooklyn is only 11. Barbara and I were sitting in the back seat and her two daughters were in the front. We drove out of a gravel parking lot and on to a busy one lane road going the wrong way. We drove on the shoulder past a steady stream of cars and trucks. The whole time I was panicking and telling Barbara to hop over the seat and take over.
We finally arrived at an apartment building and went inside to their house. (They don't really live in an apartment, but they did here.) We stayed inside and got ready for a day of school. My son was with me and we were ready to go. We looked at the clock and it was past time to leave. Then Barbara reminded me that her daughters were home schooled now (which they are), so they really didn't care if school had started; it didn't matter to them. I was a bit upset, because it did matter to me, and we were going to be late to the first day of school. She suggested that we not go and just show up the next day. I woke up after that.

The second dream involved my son being a toddler again, and peeing in a sink while I held his body up so he could reach. It was an odd dream, but sure enough, I woke up having to pee.

The third dream was at work. I was back at St. John's and was assigned the task of going through a room full of samples. I went through piles and piles of clothes and accessories. The piles were mostly clothes from my Disney job not from St. John's. (Mostly little girl's princess dresses.) I put a huge stack aside for myself, saying that "my nieces will love these." Then a co-worker came by and asked how it was going. I told her she could go through the piles I didn't want. Then she questioned my free-for-all by reminding me that last year we saved everything til the end and had a sample sale with it all. "Oh yeah", I thought. So then I put everything back into categories and went over to a large metal shelf and started sorting through briefcases and other men's accessories.
That was the end of that dream.

Any meanings? Well... Kids ran the show in all three dreams, either directly or in-directly. But is there a lesson... I'm not so sure.
I do need to call Barb; she hasn't called since her daughters have been home from their dad's house.

"Where Is His Head?"

I'm on vacation in Spain right now. I wish I would have been able to use the computer every morning cause the dreams here are crazy, but I haven't had the time.

I'll start with Monday morning's dream, cause I did at least get to write that one down (just not on the blog...yet.)

Monday morning’s dream:
My husband, daughter, son, and I were all late for school and were driving all over an unfamiliar city trying to get there. (Yesterday we got a little lost in the city of Malaga,Spain, and drove around for a while frustrated. This was a lot like that.)
Anyway, I was in a horse drawn carriage driving and my husband was driving an open back vehicle (not sure what). My daughter was sitting beside me and my son was standing on the back of my husband’s vehicle in front of us. My son was holding on to a bar in the back and standing on the bumper area. I was fine with that. My husband, however, was turning around telling him to sit down. I started arguing with him saying to leave him alone. Then the unthinkable happened. My son let go of the bar he had been holding, and fell. I was directly after them, and had no time to stop. The horses barely missed him, as did my wheels. But the truck that was directly behind me ran over his head with its second wheel. By then we had stopped our vehicles, and I was running to see if he was dead. I saw his body, but not his head. (There was no blood.) I was screaming and bawling my eyes out. I frantically lifted (with super human strength) all the tires to look for his head. The tires were transparent and there was no head or splat anywhere. In one of the tires I thought I saw a baby’s head from the top, but it was just something round inside the tire. I was ballistic. Crying, screaming, throwing tires left and right. I was mad at my husband and daughter for not seeming sad. My husband was trying to stay calm and rationalize the event. He even pulled out my son’s baby book and looked through it. He found a poem about a river, and read it. He then asked (because the poem had a word that repeated over and over, sounded like “La”,) if all rivers were the same river because they all had that word. I threw a tire right by his head, and one by my daughter’s head. I thought about who was at fault, but settled on nothing. I was crying so hard that I woke myself up.
(…and I’m certainly glad I did; It was a terrible dream!)

The only other dreams I have ever had about my children dying were ones where they fell, and I dove after them. This is the first one that I could not follow or try to save them; It was horrible. I don’t know if I’ve ever cried that hard in a dream. I have no idea what it means, if anything. We are on vacation, and sleeping on hard uncomfortable beds, so maybe it’s just that. My only other thought is about how I am frustrated that my husband doesn’t seem to care about my son as much as my daughter. By that I don’t really mean less care as much as less time devoted. But the dream only says something about that in part. Why was his head missing? Why did the truck just run over his head? What about the horses? What about the river poem? I have lots of questions. I hope there is nothing to it… nothing at all.

On tour, and Babies in the UK

Yes, It's been a while. Things at home were not conducive to dream journaling... and now that time has past the only dream I remember from the past few weeks is one about my Nanny (Mom's mom) reprimanding me for being topless.

Last night, however, I said a prayer before bed to ask God what He wanted me to do about my dream journaling... If He was going to talk to me that way any time soon, or if I should just let it go for now.

Well.. I had a night jammed packed with dreams, so I'm taking it as a, "No, I'm not done with that."

The first dream I am fairly sure was just an alert.

It was simply me talking to my son about something he was doing, and I kept saying, "It's too late." "It's too late, you can't do that now." "It's too late." I awoke from the dream to pee at 2:30. I could hear voices in his room. (He's having a sleep over). I knew immediately I needed to go in there and tell them it was too late, they needed to go to bed. So I did.

I went back to sleep and had a dream where I was on a tour with a big group in an open air jeep/bus. Somehow I got stuck on the towing hitch with my legs under the jeep and holding on to the handle in the back. I think I had just been sitting there while we were stopped somewhere, and then the driver took off, and I was still there.

My mom was on the jeep and she alerted the driver of my position, but he just yelled back if I'd be alright til the next stop.  I said OK, and off we drove. At one point I remember mentioning that it was like water skiing... but not in a good way.  The town that we were traveling through seemed a lot like the Long Beach/Naples area. But when we finally stopped it was in an old western town with dust roads etc.  I got off and went inside an adobe low ceiling-ed building with my mom and my sister. There were multiple small rooms at different levels, only a step up or down from the next. In the rooms were old artifacts and antique treasures. I found an old bustier, and took it into a small bedroom (now very old west style, wood) to try it on. My mom and my sister came with me. The bustier was too small in the boob area, but I kept telling my mom that when I lost weight it would fit, so I was going to get it anyway. 

A voice came over a loud speaker saying it was time to make our way back to the bus. The shop would do all final purchases now. I took off the bustier and had it along with something else lacey in my hands debating on whether or not to get them both.  A woman dressed like an animal, in a brown furry suit, snuck out from behind a chest in the bedroom and crept up to us. It was a little creepy, cause we then knew that she had been in there the whole time. When she got to us (still squatting like an animal) she started reaching with her exaggerated fingers, grabbing at the items in my hand. After a minute she started talking and saying, "You'll have to put them back... you don't have time... it's time to go." Her tone got more frantic til the end of the dream when she was saying, "Just drop them and go.... go."  At that moment a friend from the dressing room/bedroom next door came in and told me to mention her room lady as the sales person for my purchases. She explained that she liked her lady, and that they worked on commission. I got a quick image of her lady in my head as I walked out of my room to go to the cashier.

Looking back on the dream it seems very strange that the animal lady didn't want me to buy things if they worked on commission. So what was that? What was any of it? It's my first "tour" dream since the month we got back from our Israel tour. It's quite a different picture from other dreams where I'm driving, or even being in the seating area. I was being dragged behind... though not actually on the ground. And why my mom and sister? Or the bustier? 

The next dream I had last night woke me up at 5:30 with a gag reflex.

The dream did not involve me at all, I was just being shown an area and it's problems. The place was in the UK.  Conditions were terrible. Riots had left the city looking like a ghost town. Then my attention was directed at one man. He was an older black man, and he started to describe his situation. His kids had left him in charge of his grand kids, and the number of children he was watching just kept multiplying. (I don't think they were ALL family, but maybe.) There were all ages of children, but towards the end there were just more and more newborn babies. They were being born out of his (or my, or ???) mouth. I felt a gag reflex every time a baby came out. They were all in the fetal position and all had brown skin. I woke up and even heard myself gag.

I'd say that the scene looked very doomsday-ish but at the same time there were just more and more babies. Perhaps the babies were spiritual babies. hmmmm.

Take the Wheel, Clean the Baby, and Dress Up.

I slept great last night... I bought some "breathe right strips"... Thank you to the inventor of those!

My first dream started in a parking lot. I can't remember too much of it, but I remember the main part, which is that my ten year old son was driving the car while my daughter and I rode in it... Me in the back seat. At one point he turned and was on the freeway facing on coming traffic. I tried to talk him through turning back around, but some cars started coming and he froze. When the next opportunity appeared I jumped over the center console and took over driving.

(I think this is as plain as it sounds... I'm letting a ten year old drive me around... I need to stop!)

My second dream was about a baby. The baby was a girl, maybe 4 months old. My mom and I (and I think my daughter) were all taking care of her. She looked a lot like my sister's daughter with curly brown hair, and a button nose and big eyes. She had on a red frilly dress. She wasn't mine, but I was helping. I took her to the bathroom to change her diaper. I was holding her by the belly and running water over her butt, wiping her clean. Then as I was drying her off I got angry and was being intentionally rough with her. I wasn't outright shaking her, but I was jerking her around and had a mean look on my face. I was frustrated with the situation... which had something to do with the baby.

(This one, I'm not positive, but I think has something to do with my daughter's trouble. I think the baby represents my daughter's "fruit" so-to-speak. I'm trying to help clean it up, but it's frustrating, and mainly I just wanna hurt the little 'red dress wearing' thing. )

My third dream was a good one, thank God. I was with my sister and we were kids. The look we had going was based on a favorite picture from my childhood. (In the picture we were at my Grandma's house and we had on fancy dresses and some of her makeup.) In the dream we had choices of piles of frilly dresses and skirts and boas to dress-up in. We had our hair curled and mine was in pig tails (as was often the case growing up). We had lip gloss on too. We were dressing up and dancing around enjoying being little girls. It was a very enjoyable dream!

(I think this one is a flipped coin from the MANY clothes trying on/sister dreams I've had in the past few months. In all the past dreams I've been a teen or an adult and the clothes rarely fit, and it's rarely 'even' between us and rarely fun. This one, being free and innocent, and just being ourselves, we had a great time. All the clothes fit, and we enjoyed each others company.)

Awkward

My first dream:
I was with my mom and dad. We were at a mall because I wanted to go shopping. We had been walking for a very long time through halls with shops along the sides behind windows and doors. (It reminded me of Las Vegas when you have to go through a long hallway of shops from the parking garage to the main casino area.) The building we were in was old though; it was brick, and looked like a museum. After walking and still not shopping for a very long time, I actually said, "This mall is more like a museum." It was about at that point that we 'got some where'. My mom, in answer to my question, said, "Well let's go down this way." We started down some stairs that led to a Marie Calendars, but the stairs soon became a ladder. There were rungs every few feet, but the main handle on the sides was only every 6 feet. For some reason I wasn't using any of the middle rungs, only one every 6 feet that lined up with the handle. I was dropping, only holding the sides for the entire length of my body each time. My parents were coming down the ladder rung by rung, but face first... like they were crawling "spidey-style" down towards me.  I complained about the ladder. Almost directly after the complaint (and my mind thinking about what I was doing, and how I could do it differently) we were at the bottom. Instead of going through the restaurant, or sitting down, we went just to the right of the ladder where there was a bed. My mom lay on the bed on the right side, and I lay on my belly with my head and arms dangling off the end on the left side. Again, I stopped and realized what I was doing, and repositioned myself. The bed was very lumpy and I said it was better before. My mom thought that maybe I just needed less noise to be able to sleep, so I went to turn off the TV (no longer in the restaurant atmosphere). When I got to the TV I noticed that it had been recording every show for the past like 6 or so hours. I took some time to try to delete each show. (Probably more from my ipod frustration the other day... cause now I have so many unwanted songs to delete.)  The dream ended in frustration.


My next dream was far weirder.

I was riding the back seat of an open-air jeep type vehicle with four guys in the front and two more in the back with me. They almost all had guns (very skinny and short ones of varying colors, which they talked about,) and we were driving through a neighborhood to do a drive-by shooting. They weren't aiming for people, but they wanted to scare the residents. They were all very "hard" looking, and talked in a way that said "gang" to me. We went around this neighborhood like three times, each time I faced inward and didn't look at what they were shooting at off the left side. (I was in the far left of the back seat.) When they were satisfied with their shooting we headed for the leaders house. As we approached the house a small squirrelish animal (without a tail) got on my leg and tried to hump it. I grabbed him to remove him but he just grabbed on to my arm and did the same. I told the guy in the back seat about it and he said, "Just let him do his thing." At this the squirrel bit me and latched on again to my leg. I shook him off as we exited the car at the leader’s house. Once we were in I looked down at the clothes I was wearing. I was dressed like a streetwalker, and shortly after, treated like one. At this point in the dream, unlike in the car, I was playing the role. I smacked my gum, I spoke 'gangsta' and used my body (which was rather slim in the dream) to entertain. At one point there was poop on the floor and I had to clean it up before anyone saw. I knew my place in the gang; I was basically dirt.

A large screen came down from the ceiling and they began to play music videos. The walls of the house went away and the area became huge with three different levels for watching a concert. It wasn't like a stadium, but there were a few seats scattered around and outdoor heaters here and there. A band came to the screen/stage and started to set up. I started to make my way as far away from the gang as I could, I ran into my husband on the top level near a heater and stood with him. The youth pastor from our church, Josh, was there and was announcing this as a "Tribes" event. (That's the name of the youth's Wednesday night service.) I looked around and saw Tribes posters. The gang members and a whole bunch of other people scattered around the place.

Then I woke up.

Who am I?

Tis the week of disturbing dreams, I have decided.

Last night's started with my daughter and I going to her first 'female exam'. It was in a college class room on a table. The room was very large and upstairs. The table was near a window. There were a total of three doctors, each came in one at a time. They were going to fill her "cavity" with some sort of mold making plaster substance. (I think this strange concept came from my husband's inner ear sound system molds that arrived yesterday.)  When the last Dr. came in he wanted to shave her and give her a "wig" made of the hair on her head... which was red in the dream. I told him not to shave her completely, explaining to him and her that it would itch like crazy when the hair grew back in.  He left the room and we escaped. We went down a corridor and some stairs and ended up at my home from my late teens ;(the home that my daughter was born at).

While we were there my dad was talking to me about laundry and a trip. I went outside and sat on the driveway with my two dogs: one from then, and one from now. Back then I had a small Cocker Spaniel mix, and now I have an American Stoffordshire Terrier, so they were quite opposite sitting out there with me. A lady with a stroller walked by and my small dog walked over to see her. 

My parents came out and said it was time for our trip, so I put the dogs away and we got into a van. I sat in the back of the van. We drove to the snow to go skiing. There were a few of us that didn't have socks, so when we reached to snow we had to stop and buy some. I already had on my ski boots when we got out of the van to go in the store. I feel on my butt directly out of the van in some ice, and again inside the store. The whole time I was walking to the store and even inside for part of the time I was texting my daughter's ex-boyfriend, Nick. The store was open on one side like it had multiple garage doors that were all opened that day. It was a packed store and very "costco"-ish. After I looked at a few things I made my way to some metal steps by the street and sat down. I feel asleep. Water rising up to my feet woke me up. I was a little girl, like maybe 6 or 7. I knew I had left my younger sister on another step, so even though I heard my dad calling me, I went back into a tower of sorts that had another metal stairway going down the center to get my sister. She too was down in some water as I pulled her up and we climbed the stairs together. She was blonde and about 4. (My daughter was blonde when she was 4.   hmmm.)

And that was the end of the dream.

Aside from the inner ear molds, there is nothing about this dream that resembles anything from the past few weeks, so it is most definitely not just a compilation of my thoughts.

I'm not sure I want to find out what it all means. 

For reoccurring themes... there's the laundry... and that's about it. hmmmmm. Again, I have to wonder if I was me the whole time, or if while I was texting Nick, was I my daughter? 

Anyway, I'll think about it. For now, I have to go get my kids to school.

Trains... no planes... no automobiles

A few more disturbing dreams.

First one:

I'm driving a train along open, sometimes cavernous, terrain. (at least I think I'm driving; I guess I could have been poking my head out of a back area.)  There is another train and driver in front of me (or if I'm wrong, it's the real driver of my train). The driver of the first train is crazy. He's a skinny mountain man like you'd picture from the gold rush of 49. He seems intent on crashing.  At the finally of the dream a rocking horse/boulder is sliding on a cable directly to the left of the on coming train. I'm watching, thinking, "It's going to hit!" And the Gold miner dude is watching it and getting excited, "wahoo!". On impact, I woke up.

Second one:

I'm in a large store like Macys with my friends (my BF from High School, and three more from now-a-days).

We're looking at cosmetics and there's a serum that says it smooths out your thighs. It's in a tiny vial and very expensive. Everybody says to walk away, but I'm interested. I watch a small demo of the product (I guess on a screen). It shows John Cougar's model wife (don't remember her name) rubbing the cream... that now looks like foundation, over her butt and thighs with multiple tattoos, making them all disappear. I think,"well, shoot, it's only good for one use. Once you get in the water, that's gone." Then I wonder what it actually does for cellulite etc. cause she doesn't have any to start with. On the demo, her butt and legs(which is all you see now) turn into an old lady's butt and legs... naked. She's laying on her belly and slowly her legs disappear and her butt starts to look like the butt of a turkey before it's cooked... but wrinkly.

I walk away. My friends and I all go out to a train station. We are waiting a long time for the train and we all have lots of bags. I start to day dream about something and actually doze off. Minutes later my friends are calling for me from the train which is about half a block down the road on the platform.  I rush to gather the small amount of stuff they've left for me to carry. (A hat box with some socks and shoes, and other pieces of laundry.) I start running and the train starts up. Still running and the train starts moving. "Oh NO!" I start taking huge (supernatural) steps and catch up with the front of the train... which is more like a subway train. I plaster myself to the train and try to scoot around the right side to get to the doors. The conductor puts her head out and says my name with alarm. She opens a door for me and (after dropping most of what I had) I get in.

..and that was the end.

Third one: 

Was at my 6th grade house with my family and my Pawpaw (granddad on my dad's side). I started in my parent's room and then went through our swinging doors to the kitchen to look for food. Pawpaw came too and was looking for food as well.

That's about all I remember about that.

My Weight Journey

In last night's dream I was driving a car trying to get home. I was in college and going to my parent's house. (Part of the time that I was in college I lived with an older couple.) In the dream I was behind their car.  As I was driving (on the freeway) and my steering wheel stopped working and my brakes weren't working either. There was a small up-down, left-right control switchy thing on the dash board, so I started using it. (It was like a video game, where multiple fast small taps to the right were better than just holding it down.) I was supposed to go one way to my parent's house, but I didn't know completely how to get there, and now that my controls were out I thought it would be better to follow the old couple. I followed them until I was severely lost, and then we came to a bridge. I was so scared that I wouldn't have enough control, and that I'd drive off the edge. So I jumped out of the car. 

All of a sudden I was hanging off a drawbridge for dear life. (On the left side, on a rail)

A very large girl (I think Ashley from the biggest looser) came to help me. I held one hand on the rail, and reached up to her hand with the other. I couldn't quite reach her, so I repositioned and bumped up to the next rung. She grabbed my hand and pulled me up. Then as I was standing with the old couple a few feet away, she showed off by jumping down to the side of the rail and hanging by one arm and one leg. We all told her to get up and stop playing around. I walked to a rest area/ border patrol type place on the side of the road. (Don't really remember the walk, or where it was exactly.) But I was sitting on a wooden bench that was more like a wooden bunk bed. There was a top bunk and a bottom bench, and a bench that protruded from the bottom off in an L-shape. My mom was there, like signing me out, and my son was with her. As I waited alone outside on the bench a creature started swirling around me in mid air. It was a very short red snake. The head was like a cobra and the whole short body was fat. His head stayed up and the tail wiggled around like a slow propeller to help him glide in the air. I was very scared of him but he seemed to be friendly, never trying to attack, just 'smelling' me I guess. He hid under a blanket on the top bunk as my son came out to get me. I wanted to show him the snake that acted almost like a floating puppy. I slightly lifted the blanket for him to look, but then I  pushed him back and said, "Oh no, don't touch it."

There was another part of the dream back at my parent's house with food of some sort, but I don't remember it.

I would like to assume that the brakes and things not working on the car derived from going to see "Date Night" last night...  but...

I'd also like to assume that the snake was merely a representation of my son's animal planet show he watched yesterday about "the Creatures from the Bible", in which they had the serpent with legs, the leviathan, the behemoth, and even cherubim and other angelic creatures.

But, one cannot always assume that dreams are merely a jumble of things from the day before. Even if you use things from the day before, there may still be a message in it.

I made a commitment last night to start doing my Wii Fit again, and to going to water aerobics a couple times a week. So I know that loosing weight is heavily on my mind. (My husband has reached his goal, so it stares  me in the face every day.  Don't get me wrong, I love staring at him, but it highlights the fact that I am still miles away from my goal.)

I had a bunk bed when I was little. I slept on the bottom and my sister slept on the top. She would often scare me from the top bunk while we were trying to go to sleep. I was also very afraid of the flower people that I had imagined from the flower print on her mattress that I stared at at night. I have no doubt that demons love to scare children, and they know that their imaginations will help. Even if the snake in my dream is from yesterday's show (which I did not see... just got the run down from my son at bed time,) then it's perfectly safe to assume that it represents Satan anyway, because he is the serpent in the Bible. (I rarely ever dream of snakes, but when I do, they always represent lies. Satan is the father of lies.)

I tend to view this dream as my journey with my weight. It literally all started when I was living with the older couple my first year of college, when I was pregnant. Getting home was very important to me at that time, but the adoption agency that I was being counseled by didn't want me to have much contact with "influential parties". So I didn't go home, and I wasn't allowed to see my boyfriend. (Stupid really, because I just got more attached to the baby in my belly.. and far less likely to give her up for adoption.) 

Anyway, I got fat, (not just pregnant fat). Now-a-days I watch The Biggest Looser as a motivation of sorts. (I fast forward quite a bit. But I love the results, and I love seeing them change.) So Ashley being in my dream fits with pulling me up from hanging off the edge. The snake and the bunk bed, I think, are very old lies that I have believed for most of my life. Things that hold me back in this and other journeys. My son, being overweight as well is believing the same lies. I even showed them to him. I introduced him. I may have said, "Don't touch," but when it all comes down to it, I led him straight down my own path.

Uggg. Please God, let this be the end! I need help.

Swell Sister Car Stolen

I had a semi-late night out with my Swell Sisters, so it's no wonder I dreamed about them.

In my dream nearly everyone who was at the meeting last night was there.

We started in a car. It was like an old Cadillac but also station-wagon-y. I was in the far back with Rachel.

A few of the girls went into a store while we sat in the parking lot. They came back and we drove down to a club; Laurelin was driving. The club was in an old warehouse that backed up to a large alley. The neighborhood was bad... though we didn't think it was "that bad" as we went into the club. I'm not sure what happened in the parking lot before we went in, but it must have been a scratch, or some type of vandalism, because we were going in to report it. I was talking about calling 911 and the girls said that was silly.

When we came back out... walking past the cars that blocked our view of our parking spot, we noticed that the car was gone. I was in the front of the pack, ten paces or so ahead. "Oh no," I said, "You've got to be kidding me." I looked to my left, beyond the parking lot (the same direction I was walking) and there was a line of people going into a convenience store. I yelled over to them to ask if anyone saw anything. They all just made fun of us "rich girls in the hood, who got their car stole". I was so mad I was shaking. Then I said to the group, "Well, now I have a real reason to call 911." So I did. I was in the convenience store when I called and the back ground noise was making it hard for the officer on the other end to hear me, so I walked away ...across the alley and into a garden with a cement stream and a small bridge. I was telling him the story, and he just kept interrupting saying he couldn't hear, or he couldn't understand me. I started to cry, which only made it worse. I was walking back to the group (phone still to my ear) to hand it to someone else when I woke up.

In dreams vehicles typically deal with your sphere of influence. In dreaming about a family car (especially with the family in it) it speaks of where your family is going. This being a station wagon represents us being slightly bigger than a family, though still family-esk. 

Larger vehicles (buses, trains, airplanes...) represent a greater influence... if you are driving. 

Looking back at past dreams, I'm reminded of the dream I had where I was driving and had no control of the break. Or like the one with the Swell Sisters where I was parking the van. 

As a group we are now looking for a "space" a bit more permanent than what we are in now, so it's interesting to me that most of my Swell Sister dreams are in cars or vans. We are mobile, not quite grounded just yet.  

But what the heck is this about our car being "stolen"!?!  That's not good! 

I'm not going to read too much into it because it really could just have something to do with the arguments surrounding our "move". Things have gotten a little ugly when we talk about the "space", so perhaps the theft and vandalism just represent my feelings that those arguments are hindering our moving forward.

I surely hope that our entire "car" isn't going anywhere!

Tests and maps

Yes, I have been dreaming lately, but I have not felt much like blogging. 

For the past few nights I have dreamed of tests. (not a great sign). In one test my husband was joined my an ultra skinny/fake boobed model chick and I was very jealous... while trying  to concentrate on my test, and in the night after's dream I was taking a spelling test where I had to spell things that we were given the initials for. One I remember was AMF. All I could think about was bowling, but when I asked, the teacher said it was "arms something something". I can't remember the other two words.

Last night's dream was about my son and I in a car trying to get to Merced. I have never been to Merced... never even knew where it was. (I guess it's a couple hours south of us.) In the dream we entered into a parking garage by accident, but the attendant let us turn around with out paying, but it was difficult to turn with all the cars coming. I got out a map and showed my son. We were above Merced... which was a country in my dream. But the roller-coaster (that was what the parking garage was there for) took up a few countries and there was no way to go straight down to Merced. You either had to go up and around to the east and then south, or you had to go west and then south and a little bit east to get there. Some of the surrounding countries were Russia and middle eastern countries.  We never did decide which way to go before I woke up.

So what is Merced about? Mercy maybe?  I'm not sure. But there is a roller-coaster in the way of me getting there. :-)

"Old People"

Yesterday I didn't have time to write, but thought that today, instead of last night's non-remembered dreams, I'd go back and share the night before's.

In my dream, I went up to one of my daughter's friends, named Christian, and started to kiss him. Then he took my hand and said let's go get the keys. I went with him through a very grand hotel lobby and entrance (one I have dreamed of a few times before... with the round central room and white marble floors with black details). We went to a reception area that was similar to an airport waiting area with a check-in counter. In the seating area we plotted about how to get the keys. I would go over and steal them from the desk. But, as I walked to the desk, the ladies there said, "Oh are you so-and-so, here's your keys." So I just grabbed the three keys and went back to Christian. We went through a 'maze' of elevators and stairs, some broken with caution cones around them, and some normal. We felt like we were being followed. We got into a large SUV and drove to a town house community. We parked in a communal lot and walked to the house. There was a key rack right below a small front window. The key chains were all macrame. There were three empty spots that we knew belonged to our keys, and in each spot was one letter that together spelled R I P. It meant that the three people who's keys we had were dead. We took that as a good sign. Then we went inside. On the floor (on mattresses) and on the fold out couches were old people, all asleep. They were all cozy in their quilts and afghans.  We went into a small kitchen to our left and started making hot chocolate for all the old people as they woke up.

I had another dream that I was in a van with a bunch of old people and we arrived at a lady's house that goes to my dad's church. I was getting out and one of the old ladies, who had a walker, was trying to get me to move all the removable seats in the van so that they could get out easier. She was shoving them all over the place and making it more difficult on herself.

I left her and the rest still in the back seat and went through the garage into the kitchen with my family and my parents. We called for the owner of the house, but she wasn't home. I looked through curtains on my left out into a court yard with three picnic tables and a nice flower garden. My mom told me to close the curtains, that I was being rude. I walked to the entry of the house and looked out the front window. I watched trucks and cars go by looking for the owner of the house, but she never came. I noted that she had a good piece of property. She was up on a hill, on a corner. When I realized she wasn't coming, I started down the hallway to my right. It grew. At the end of the hallway were two rooms. I thought the right door would look better on the adjacent wall, and it moved there. The left door, straight ahead, went to an older boy's room that was filled with heavy metal memorabilia. It was a mess with clothes and things all over. The room to the right was like a work shed. It was clear that they belonged to the same boy, but there were no posters on this wall. I thought, "this would make a good music room". Then I walked out.

I had another dream (and I recorded them all), but I went to a Seder service last night and recorded over the dreams... and now I can't remember the last one. Poo.

So... why the old people? This may be a stretch, but one of the songs I've been listening to a lot lately (and am going to see the band in concert tonight) is "Wake Up the Dead" by Family Force 5. The songs talks about the judgmental attitude that they are getting from some of the older members of the church in general. 

This generation is a "praising" generation. Many of the "old" people aren't very happy with the way "Christian" music is sounding. (I have to say, that sometimes I fall into this category with my daughter's "Screamo" christian music.) Anyway, Christ said that the last generation would be a praising generation. 

One old pastor I heard on the radio said, "We need to stop spending so much time singing, and start reading the Bible." His whole message inadvertently down played praise and worship as if they were not an important part of church. I was a little miffed. 

Young people are 'stealing keys' from 'dead' old people. You have to be awake and alert in this time of tribulation. I know many awake old people, so it's not just about being old. I think it's more about "old-fashioned". 

Perhaps we can wake them up... with some hot chocolate, or maybe we will take over their good piece of vacant property, and they will be left in the van. We have the keys.

???

"Pregnant Dreams"

A little foreground...

Yesterday I started the "Truth Project" with the junior high and high school students after church. I'm very excited about that.  

Our youth pastor's baby is due Friday, so that has also been on my mind.

Yesterday was my 11th wedding anniversary. 

I went to bed last night praying that I would have some worth while dreams.

BOY did I!

I had one of a carnival... being there with kids from a class. My son's kindergarten teacher was there, along with many other teachers. One was very pregnant and jumped on a trampoline, fell, but smiled. She was beautiful. There was a fence by the park that was significant.

The next dream I had was that I was given an electronic baby. It was very "real" in size and shape, but had a screen and gears on it's face. It pooped... real baby poop and I went to clean it up in the sink. My mother was there to help me, but we kept hitting the babies head with the door, or the sink edge, or the spout. I was getting mad at my mom and frustrated with myself. The water was not good for the baby. (Duh, he was electric). So the screen went blank like we had killed him. Then words came across it saying that we had to do some steps to fix him or he would explode. It was very nerve-racking.

In my next dream I was pregnant. I was very excited about it. I had only told my family and mom (who was there). I had not even told my sister. I wanted to tell the world. So I decided to go on Facebook. I thought, "oh my sister would be mad if she found out on facebook."  Then as I was walking down the hall, I saw Alicea, (the youth pastor's wife who is due this week.) I stopped her and told her I was pregnant too and "won't it be great! My baby will be born in the same year as yours! Maybe they can get married!" I was so excited!

I had another unrelated dream about having dinner with my husband. (which we did last night, for our anniversary) In the dream he ordered something I didn't want, and I stepped on the tray while climbing down from an elevated picnic table that we were sitting at with an few old high school boyfriends. 

My last dream... I remember the best... and was the craziest...

I was driving down a residential street in a Cadillac. The street was dark feeling. My house from when I was 8 was on a hill to the left. There was a large dip for drainage to the side of the road before the yard started. As I was passing my house I noticed some very small black and brown objects moving in the road. I stopped, did a U-turn and went back to see what they were. I got out and picked them up. They we fetal Rottweiler puppies. There was five of them. They were no bigger than your thumb. I gathered them up and ran them into the house. My husband and kids came in the living room and I asked them to help me. We had Barbie bottles, and My husband got some bowls of cream, but I was yelling at him to go get some formula from the store. I picked the puppies off of my hand and body one by one. There were now far more than 5. The first four were standing on and squishing the runt of the litter. I was so sad for it... it died. After I got the five Rottweilers off, there were some golden retriever, and poodle fetal puppies too. Then I pulled off 3 white fake looking mice. I was disgusted with them and yelled for my daughter to throw them outside. There was also a gerbil looking one that drank a bunch of the milk and was now expanding to 'hand size' and about to explode. I yelled for the kids to take that one outside too, "Quick, before it explodes!"  I was then very frustrated that my husband had not left for the store, I was worried that the milk we had would not be good for them. So pulling the last one or two off of me I ran for the door to go get formula myself!

OK, so... interpretation time.

Pregnant dreams are great! They mean that you are pregnant with something... an idea, a ministry, a new direction.

I know what I am pregnant with, and these dreams only confirmed it. I have an eschatological message that I am sharing on another blog, and with anyone who will listen, but it's come to the point that I am ready to share in a bigger way.  I am working on the fashion show to go with it, but I think there may be opportunities coming to just speak even if that is not finished.

Alicea and her husband have heard a bit of my schpiel (sp) and have both told me (not necessarily about that specifically) that I should teach. My dream involving her was very pointed. I said that our babies would be born the same year! That's this year. I am certain that this is the year that I will be able to teach on eschatology.

The electronic baby makes me think of the internet and possibly my "end times" blog. 

My mom called me today to tell me that in the last Bible study session they had, Beth Moore said that she too believed we are in the Tribulation. This was huge news to me, because I know the denomination that Beth comes from does not hold that stance. Both of our denominations are decidedly pre-trib. So to have Beth speak against that REALLY fuels my fire. I respect her a lot, and it just empowers me to be bolder with my message. So again... It told me that surely, this is the time for my ministry!

My mom being a key person in the dreams is also significant because I specifically tell my mom the new things I find on the subject, and she is one that I am really trying to persuade. She also tells me everything that she hears about the subject. 

As far as the puppies go, if you've read previous posts you'll know that puppies (to me) represent youth. I mentioned just beginning the after church program with the teens. I have also recently volunteered to teach the 4-6th graders if we start a "Sunday school" class for them, cause right now they are in with the little kids (K-up) and it's just too beneath them, IMO. I'm not sure if these two things specifically were what the dream was about, but again (a reoccurring theme) that I'm saving puppies.  This time from the street. One of my biggest burdens with the end times is that there are kids here for it all. I want so badly to tell them about the times so that they will not be scared, but it's such a "parent's thing" to do, that I don't feel it's my place.

Perhaps this is speaking to that. I have actually thought of writing a children's book about the subject that is fictional, and fantastical, but still would 'prepare' them for the coming years.

OH... so much to think about! So much to get moving on... What a morning it has been.

"Wake up Call"

I thought God used an amusing way to wake me up this morning.
I woke up on time, but went back to sleep. (I have a bit of a head cold and had taken Nyquil last night.)

So back to sleep... I was dreamin... Don't even remember the dream... but at the very end, I got in my car (my little one; which is important because in the big one, the lights come on automatically, and the little car has manual lights,)
... and started driving. The housing area I drove through first was well lit, but when I got on a long stretch of highway it was black. I just assumed, "I'm fading back to sleep". Then a semi came out of nowhere with its big lights and flashed them at me signaling me to turn on my lights.

I woke up immediately.
and I do believe that was the whole point.

(If I wanna read into it, I could say... the car I was driving is what I consider my daughter's car. She seems to be 'driving without her lights on' these days. :-)

"Prayer in Dreams"

In last night's dream (the one I can remember), I was with my family in a Vegas type place.  We were in a nice hotel room/apartment looking out over the back wall of the building. The back of the building was covered in white twinkle lights. There was a party going on behind our building. I wanted to go.  We walked out of the room and down to our car. We got in and drove around back. It was just like Vegas where going around a hotel is an event in itself, so by the time we got to the back, we couldn't actually see the lights that I was aiming for. There was a massive parking structure and more 'hotel entry' road ahead that may have also led to parking, but my husband pulled into the first parking structure, a block or more away from our building. (My husband loves to take the tight turns up the parking levels fast when no one is around)... and that's just what he was doing. I was in the passengers seat scared as usual, and then it happened... He drove off the side of the structure! In front of us was a huge gorge with trees on the hill sides. The fall went on for miles. My kids and husband were silent as I said a family prayer out loud for all of us. "Thank you God, that we are coming home today..." The prayer went on and on with thanks. I thought of saying "please help..." but I stopped myself, knowing that we were surely dead at the bottom, so I just said "Thank you." I thought about my legs breaking on impact, but the impact never came. Still in my dream, I woke up surrounded by my family (Mom too). They told me I had been talking in my sleep. "You were about to die, and you were praying. It was beautiful," they said.

I can distantly remember having dreams where I woke up in the dream, but was still asleep; it usually had to do with needing to pee. I would dream that I woke up, got out of bed and went to the bathroom, only to realize that when I got back to bed, I still had to pee... and had to wake up for real.

I can't remember ever having a dream where I woke up to other people around me (all "Wizard of Oz' like).

I have woken up a few times before where my husband is there saying, "You were talking in your sleep." Nine out of ten times that I wake up talking, I'm praying. However, I am usually casting out a demon, or some other type of spiritual warfare, not "thanking" God. So this too, was a first.

And who knows if I was really speaking out loud this time. My husband didn't hear anything.

I'm back

Well, I'm home from my vacation.

I had absolutely NO time to journal during the 'tour' part of the trip. wake up calls were set at 5:45. CRAZY.

But I did dream some quite interesting dreams. I only remember basics since I didn't write anything down.

The first night I had one where my friend Olivia puked in a garage, and we both cleaned it up together.

The second night I had one where my daughter and I were riding bikes down a hill and listening to a heavy metal song discussing the lyrics and how they were searching for God.

Four or 5 days ago I had one where my professor was examining my breasts.

A few days before that I had one where I was driving a bus and the breaks were not working, but I drove up into a park on a hill and we stopped.

And I had another where I was with my Swell Sister's in a van and stopped at a shabby chic convention, all in 50's style dresses. There were cats there using the toilet. I took off my dress and went to put it back on in-side-out and found that I needed to do pattern work on it. I started working on it and a large burly mountain man came to help me (a character from a book I was reading). He did the pattern for me, but to my horror when I came to check on him he had thrown away the 'good' part of the pattern too. I was so upset, cause I had to turn it in at college the next day, and now I'd have to start over.

The first dream... I think was because Olivia and I were talking the day before I left. She is opening up in new ways... some messy. :-)
The second dream rings of a conversation my daughter and I had about a week after I dreamed it, about my husband (ex- heavy metal rocker) and his struggles. We are both on bikes because it's our own 'personal' journey, but we were together because we are together in this journey. We both deal with the same things with him. (We had a very trying trip with him, due to another love interest of my daughter's that she met on the trip.)

The third dream really bothered me the first few days after I had it. I had a hard time understanding it.It was awkward and of course I didn't want to think of my professor that way.  Then the last day of the tour my professor came up to me (in real life) and explained how he had been watching my husband and I on the trip and how he admired our parenting and our marriage. I immediately thought of the dream and how breasts symbolize motherhood.  He had been examining my mothering... not really my boobs. :-)

The other two dreams both had buses (not unusual, since I basically lived on a bus for the past week and a half). We saw tons of stray cats on our trip, all over Jordan and Israel. ... and other wise I'm not sure of any meaning.

Escape

The dreams starts at a representation of my parent's home. I'm in the bathroom, just took a shower. When I get out, I realize that we won't have enough time to take Nick (my daughter's boyfriend) swimming. I talk with my parents and my daughter about it.  They suggest going to see a movie. 

When we get to the theater I never notice my daughter or Nick again. I get very wrapped up in the movie; like I'm in it.

The movie is very violent. I am with a hand full of inmates in jail, but we are the good guys. It seems that we have no weapons, and all the inmates around me are talking about escape.  The guards come to the bars of our cell. We have something posted on the wall that they want to take down. One lady inmate with me encourages them to reach in and get it. The guard tells us all to stand back. As he reaches his hand in the inmate lady throws her hand from across the cell at his hand. Her hand has wolverine claws poking out of it and it's on a string. The claws puncture the guards hand, and the inmate pulls the string back.  Again and again this happens. I am suddenly aware that I'm watching the movie, not in it, and I notice the crowd around me, and am self-conscious that I have brought my ten year old son to this rated R movie. The name "Bakugan" and there are three stages right in the midst of the seating. Characters are being pushed off into the stage, from the seats, and they are dying in this smokey liquid.
comes to mind. I think we're at a Bakugan movie, which explains to me why my son is there.  As I tell myself that, I look around and there are other areas with a more cartoon like scene. The movie theater has morphed into an outdoor amphitheater

We start to exit the theater by walking forward down the seats.  An usher tells us to go to the side, so we don't fall in. We walk by two stages, then down.

We get into a small Italian Fiat and drive on very crowded cobblestone streets. A cop on a motorcycle tries to pull me over but there is no side to pull over to. I go through three streets looking for a place then finally stop at a market.  It is now just my son and I with the cop and a dog.

The cop stops to get some dried mushroom looking things and other herbs. As he is taking a while I tell my son that we're going to try to make a break for it. We tell the dog to stay behind.  It takes twice for the dog to listen to us. The cop is looking around for us.  We start to crawl through the crowd. We crawl under a trampoline, and another, on the side of what looks like a market square with all sorts of goods.

We are headed to school to pick up my daughter. 

When we get to the school we are still crawling.  (It is a similar school  to another dream I have had, with sterile long hallways and few doors.) The hallways are like rolling hills. We still sense that the cop is on our tail.  Finally I say, " We don't have to crawl; lets try boucing."

So we bounce. We bounce on the floor like we're bouncing on a trampoline, still moving forward down the hall.  We get to the library and start looking for my daughter. She is in a crowd of people, some of which are my old classmates.

Then I woke up.

Wow. It was all one dream, with a fairly central theme, but so many different settings. Very strange. Yesterday was an interesting day. I watched a cute little movie called "The Maiden Heist". I found out my son hadn't even really started on a huge project that is due soon, so we had to run to the library... to find nothing on the shelves... then to the book store... nothing. Then home... ordered a book on line with rush delivery since we are leaving on a 2 week trip Monday. Shortly after that we left for church and stayed gone til bed time.

Some of that may explain why the library at the end, and why the school in general... but what about the rest?

I'd like to think that going from crawling to bouncing in the hallways with my son is saying that together we can get past his lagging in school work.  This is the first year that math has gotten hard for him, and he often cries while we do homework.  Then finding out he hasn't even started his report. UGGG. I really hope we can go from "crawling" to "bouncing". 

And perhaps crawling under trampolines was symbolic of also taking the hard, not fun, road when there is obviously something fun right on top of you. We were crawling out of fear of the cop. Who is the cop? His teacher? (He does fear her.  You would too as a fourth grader.)

Going back though, to the beginning of the dream, I don't know if I understand the stadium stuff or the movie. (We are going to an ancient Roman Colosseum in Jordan on our trip next week.) (And a few days back my daughter showed me a you-tube video of two guys getting wolverine claws... gruesome, but funny.) I guess that's a little of an explanation, but I'd still like to know if they had any meaning, or just my brain flushing itself.

Because my son was present and active the whole dream, I am sure it was about him and me together. But honestly, except for the bouncing, it wasn't a "feel good" dream. It was tense. 

hmmm...