Movies, Art, Fashion, and a Machine Gun

Last night's dream started as a movie...
I was John Cusack and I was with a young Dan Aykroyd in a two-seater plane. We were laughing and talking about girls and sex.
The view changed and I was out of the movie and sitting in the theater with my husband. We got up to leave and I mentioned to him that I had forgotten to go see Laurelin's show. (A friend of mine just had her first solo art show up at a gallery, and I did forget to go "opening" night.) So I walked over with him to a gymnasium where the show was. (It was the gym from my HS.) Her art was everywhere. It was like a life time of art; hundreds of pieces. I started on the wall to my right where there was a nautical theme going on. Perfect paintings of boats and wharfs (not her "norm"). I was commenting on one when her fiance David told me there was another wing that held her crafts. (She is a knitter and crafter as well... when the mood strikes.) So I walked over to that wing and looked behind glass at dolls and jewelry and buttons and other crafty things she had made (again, not her "norm".)
Then the scene changed and I was going to visit my friend Ramin in New York. I got to his apartment and started working on patterns on his floor. I was waiting for him to get home, but in the mean time I had taken at least 8 articles of clothing and was tracing them on to dotted pattern paper. They were all ugly clothes, very matronly. The idea was that I was going to try to get a job back at the St. John's design house(where Ramin and I worked after we graduated college). He came home and asked what I was doing. He looked over the clothes and my work and told me I was doing it all wrong. He said the clothes were hideous, and that my pattern tracing skills were terrible. "Don't you remember anything from school?" he asked. He then stormed off. The scene changed again and I was in the bed of a truck with all of the pattern making equipment and my luggage. Ramin was walking away from me down the NY street. I jumped out of the truck and went to him begging him to help me. We stood by a car and talked for a brief minute and then I saw a man jump in the truck bed and start to load up my stuff. I ran back to stop him, but he had a machine gun and pointed it at my face. I still yelled at him, saying, "That's my stuff, how dare you take it!" Ramin yelled my name, "Are you crazy?" he asked. Then I grabbed the machine gun that was at my face and turned it to face the man. Ramin again said, "Are you crazy? If you shoot him you'll be the one in trouble." But I shot at his arm anyway. Nothing... just air. So I aimed the gun at the yard beside me and shot again... just air. Then I reprimanded the man in the truck, "You were going to steal my stuff with an unloaded weapon?" I was still yelling at him when the dog woke me up.

This dream has loads of guilt in it.
Things that are bothering me that I keep replaying in my head.
That I still watch ill-humored movies, that I forgot Laurelin's show, that I screwed up the pattern for my daughter's Halloween costume cause I don't remember how to make sleeves. (I haven't done them since college.) It even has a bit from the book I'm reading called "Son of Hamas" where the machine guns he bought didn't work. The chapters in the book since that moment have filled me with guilt because I relate to the Israeli side, and they have kept the writer of the book in a prison torturing him for the past few chapters. (A true story... good book.)
The truck bed I'm sure has to do with me driving my husband's truck the other day to pick up my son's bike. (I don't drive it often... it's too big.)
Ramin is always put in my dreams when there is advice about my fashion career, because he is a person I will listen to. I think he stayed in the dream for the machine gun part because he is originally from Iran... which fits the setting of my book, at least in that neck of the world.
I think that the part about Laurelin's art not being "her's", was about myself as well. I used her in the dream because she is one artist I know that has a very common theme through her work so it's easy to see when it's not coming from 'her'. Most likely this was a reminder to me to be true to myself... which was also emphasized by the horrible clothes I was tracing... They were SO not me. :)

Swiss Airport Confusion

Sorry for the gap in posts. I have been dreaming... just some have been about other friends who may not want those dreams shared.

Last night's dream, however, was just about my daughter and me.

We drove to an airport in Switzerland and went inside trying to find our way to the terminal.
The room we went into first was a salon. There were very snooty women working there and no one would help us. Finally I started walking out muttering to myself about the service. One of the ladies then said, "I will help you in a moment." I was already half way out the door, so we just kept on walking.
Once out into the foyer we saw an elevator and for some reason knew that the terminal was up a few floors, so we got in.
There was a Japanese business man in the elevator as well. We pushed a button and the glass elevator went up very quickly and then started to make a circle around a section of the foyer, also very quickly... like a kiddy-ride at a fair.
We realized this was not going to get us anywhere.
Once the elevator 'landed' we got out and went to an information desk area.
As we were waiting for our turn a voice over the loud speaker said, "Flights ____ and _____ for Denver and ______, now boarding.
I didn't know if our flight went through one of those places, so I started to panic and told my daughter to start gathering our things, that we would run over there.
As I looked down to grab our suit cases I saw that there was only one small suitcase and the rest were all art supplies. The art supplies were very unorganized and in small bags or cases. Like one bag full of paints, my tackle box of paints, a stack of sketch pads and paper, plastic grocery bags of brushes and fabric, chalks, etc. It was overwhelming. I tried to pick it all up but was having a very hard time.
I got frustrated with my daughter for not helping.
Then it was our turn at the information counter.
I went up there and the lady started speaking to me in another language. (We were in Switzerland after all.) I then asked her, in Italian, how to get to the 'train station'. Which I said incorrectly... "Dove è la stazione del traino?" But really I should have been saying "Dove è l'aeroporto". Oh well. Anyway, she then said, in English, that she didn't speak Italian. So in an Italian accent, I spoke to her in broken English. (So silly.)

When I started to think that we were going to miss our flight I looked around and noticed that there was a very fancy mall behind the foyer area. I told my daughter that if we stayed we could go shopping. She was not amused. She just wanted to leave. Then she said, "Mom, I don't need any more clothes, and neither do you." I concurred, but said, "Well, maybe we could just get one outfit for fun."

Then I woke up.

This one seems pretty straight forward in many ways.
i had a conversation with my husband last night about feeling overwhelmed and not knowing which art project to do next, which bible study, etc. So that speaks clearly about the disorganized bags etc.
My daughter has often expressed an interest in living in Switzerland. (She's been before, and loved it.) The only overseas place I've ever lived is Italy, which is why I reverted to that language. We are flying to Denver at Thanksgiving, to spend time with family friends in Manitou Springs. (So there's that reference... even as it being a non-final destination.)
I think to elevator and all the confusion is just about my lack of direction. My daughter being involved in all of it is probably just because I spent my evening with her driving her to dance classes. We talked about our passions and goals etc.

Killing Mice, and Changing Clothes

Disturbing dream last night...
I'm not sure if you know the story of the one day in my life when I had to kill a living creature (larger than a bug)... It was a rabbit that my dog and another dog chased down and attacked. Both dogs merely wanting to 'play' with the rabbit; they didn't kill it in their attack; they merely passed it back and forth between each other while it screamed in agony over it's internal injuries. The screaming was unbearable, so I stepped in and grabbed the rabbit (I had gloves on because it was winter), and I strangled it. It was horrible. I hope to NEVER have to kill anything ever again.

Well... last night's dream made me re-live this terrible experience, only this time it was a mouse the size of a cat.

In the dream I was in a complex house with many rooms and a strange lay out. There was a mouse problem in the house. I was with someone who reminded me of one of my parent's friends when I was 8 or so, named Sam. The man in my dream also reminded me of a college teacher I had named Eddie. (It's interesting now that I'm awake to think that, "yes, they are very similar". I would've never thought of those two in the same sentence.) Anyway we found three mice (all three HUGE like rats, but cute like mice) in one room hiding under a hole in the baseboard. I grabbed one, that seemed to grow in my hands to where I actually wondered if I was holding a mouse or a cat. I started to strangle it, then I snapped it's neck, then twisted it, and shook it violently. I could feel a thin cord in it's neck, that felt like a tendon with a pulse. I thought it was dead and we started walking toward the laundry room that led to the garage and the trashcan, but then a pulse came back and I took the mouse (now back to only 5 inches or so) and slammed it's legs on the corner of the wall (again, very violently).
All of the whacking on the wall woke me up. I woke up grimacing and quite disgusted with myself. The vibe in my room was a little eerie, so I said a short prayer and got up to pee. It was 3:10AM.

The dream I woke to at 6:10 was quite a bit nicer. :-)
I had returned from some event and was dressed in a fancy blouse that was very architectural (probably from watching Project Runway last night). I arrived at a dorm/apartment and saw a few old friends/acquaintances. (Robbie and John, aka "Pucket", both "Sk8er punks" back in the day if you want to give them a label.) They wanted to take me out to a bar for some drinks. I asked them if I was OK in what I was wearing, but they said I should change. I went in to change and my friend Ramin was there saying I looked fabulous. :-) My mom was there too and said I looked nice in the blouse. I had already taken off the blouse and was in a bikini top when I went to argue with the boys that the "manager" (speaking of my mom) said that I was fine in what I was wearing.
...and that was as far as I got before I woke up to the sound of my daughter getting ready for school.

My dogs are ready for their walk, and I have no real insight anyway, so I'm leaving today's post right there.

Sister Frida

I'm not sure if last night's dream was about my real sister, or my swell sisters (the art group I'm in).

I was in a small upper apartment that belonged to my "sister". (Oh, and before that there was something about going up in a parking garage.) Inside the apartment I went to the bathroom, which was open to the master bedroom. As I was sitting there my sister came in talking to some people. I didn't mind the other ladies that came in, but then a man came in and I gave my sister the evil eye, like, "get him outta here!"
There was a wall to my right that blocked him and others from seeing me unless they walked all the way into the room and looked back. I sat in fear that someone would come in far enough and do just that. The man was older and very large, and supposedly my sister's dad. I stayed on the toilet and started reading something I found on a table near by. It was a flier about a Frida Kahlo play. I read (or heard her say) that my sister was going to play 'the best Frida ever'! She was determined. As I thought about this, I could see my sister dressed up like Frida, and the whole thing form in my mind. I was going to play the "floozy". In my mind I saw Ann Jillian playing the part... and that's who I was going to try to be like. (ha!)
I got up and went to the closet. (It looked a lot like my mom's closet from when I was a teenager at VAFB.) A little Hispanic girl was there in the room with me, watching me look through the gowns. I saw multiple princess type dresses, but I was looking for something lounge singer-esk. I finally found a white flapper number that was made of mostly feathers. I started to put it on and noticed, out the window and over a balcony, lots of my sister's friends pulling up for a cast party.
Then I woke up.

Even though the person in my dream was clearly my sister, I think it could be about my swell sisters because they have a Frida Kahlo connection (where my sister does not). #2 this wouldn't be the first dream I've had where my real sister represented them. #3, the father in the dream was "her" father but not mine. He was very Diego Rivera-esk too, which would point back to my art group.
I'm not sure what "playing Frida" is about... simply about art... or more about her dramatic life... or about her illness? In my dream there was no art, and I saw more in my mind about the drama than anything.
Ann Jillian was the star of "Jennifer Slept Here" and old sitcom I used to watch when I was a kid. I thought she was so cool! I wanted to be like her. So, it's interesting that I picked her. I don't like the "other woman" in the Frida story. But here I was going to make her as cool as I ever wanted to be; Wearing white and everything. hmmm?
Another thing that stands out to me in the little girl in the room. The night before's dream had a little girl as well... randomly placed... who dropped her shoe in the pool and I fished it out. She was a little black girl... and this dream had a little Mexican girl. Both of them don't seem to be part of the story, but both are watching me as I do something. Interacting in a very subtle way. I wonder if it's not something about how little girls are watching me live my life... and what am I going to do to be a good example to them?
I help in kid's church once a month, and there are lots of little girls in there who look up to me. They grab my arm and snuggle up against it during our sitting down time. Or they tell me all about there pets at home. They pull at my dress and say it's pretty, or at the colored streak in my hair. I wonder (from the night before's dream) if my weight loss journey will effect a little girl... or if (from last night's) my dressing floozy-ish will effect another.
I'm debating on whether or not to get a tattoo... I wonder if that would effect a little girl.
In the book I finished a while ago the author was talking about the next generation of girls and what we will do to influence them. It's a huge calling, one that has been dropped by way too many people.
TV shows and commercials are raising our kids, instilling their values. My son watches the Disney channel a lot (as well as Cartoon network and Nickelodeon), and even aside from the shows that are on, the mini music videos they put between shows teach all the little girls that they need to look sexy and hard to be attractive. The shows teach boys that they are a few steps below girls in their intelligence, and that it's OK for them to be treated as pee-ons, but at the same time, that they get to control how girls look, because it's all about getting them aroused. Ugggg... I could go on about this, but you get the point.

Kid's Driving

My daughter is finally home, which means someone else is able to have the puppy sleep with them. :-) And that leads to me remembering more dreams!

Last night I had three that I remember.
One was of my friend Barbara's daughter Brooklyn, driving.
Brooklyn is only 11. Barbara and I were sitting in the back seat and her two daughters were in the front. We drove out of a gravel parking lot and on to a busy one lane road going the wrong way. We drove on the shoulder past a steady stream of cars and trucks. The whole time I was panicking and telling Barbara to hop over the seat and take over.
We finally arrived at an apartment building and went inside to their house. (They don't really live in an apartment, but they did here.) We stayed inside and got ready for a day of school. My son was with me and we were ready to go. We looked at the clock and it was past time to leave. Then Barbara reminded me that her daughters were home schooled now (which they are), so they really didn't care if school had started; it didn't matter to them. I was a bit upset, because it did matter to me, and we were going to be late to the first day of school. She suggested that we not go and just show up the next day. I woke up after that.

The second dream involved my son being a toddler again, and peeing in a sink while I held his body up so he could reach. It was an odd dream, but sure enough, I woke up having to pee.

The third dream was at work. I was back at St. John's and was assigned the task of going through a room full of samples. I went through piles and piles of clothes and accessories. The piles were mostly clothes from my Disney job not from St. John's. (Mostly little girl's princess dresses.) I put a huge stack aside for myself, saying that "my nieces will love these." Then a co-worker came by and asked how it was going. I told her she could go through the piles I didn't want. Then she questioned my free-for-all by reminding me that last year we saved everything til the end and had a sample sale with it all. "Oh yeah", I thought. So then I put everything back into categories and went over to a large metal shelf and started sorting through briefcases and other men's accessories.
That was the end of that dream.

Any meanings? Well... Kids ran the show in all three dreams, either directly or in-directly. But is there a lesson... I'm not so sure.
I do need to call Barb; she hasn't called since her daughters have been home from their dad's house.

Illustration Assignment

In last night's dream I was back at my old job, assistant designer at St. John Knits. In the dream I had an illustrating assignment.
I had my rough sketches with me as I got in the car with my mom and my sister.
We went to a post office for my mom to mail something.
We were in a small hatch-back sports car.
We got out and noticed that the store would be closing soon.
I stood for a moment with the drawings on the top of the car while my mom and sister went in, then I joined them. Inside, a lady with green on tried to cut in front of us. (All of us were wondering who would be the last costumer seen, since they were closing.) I informed her that we were also in line. (Very out of character for me.)
As we were at the front of the line my old friend Tim came from the back room (as if his family owned the place). We hugged and exchanged "How nice it is to see you"s. Then he suggested we go outside to be able to talk better.
As we walked out he turned into my friend Ramin (they have a vaguely similar look and similar character). Ramin looked at my drawings, (he worked at St. John's back in the day too) and critiqued them. He told me to make them curvier. "Things have changed. Make 'em look more like we did in school."
I woke up as I was imagining a hippier illustrated body.

In real life, last night I worked on a fashion illustration of my friend Rebecca. It's the second friend I've done this past week, and I'm planning on doing a few more friends before the year is out. They are indeed curvier than the illustrations I drew in school or at work. But perhaps I need to adopt a curvier style into all of my fashion illustrations and get back into that a bit more in general. I love doing it. I always forget how much until I actually do one. (It's been around a year since I've done an illustration.)

PS... Found out today was Tim's birthday!

Fabrics and Fires

Well, now that my husband is home I remembered another dream (cause he wakes up at 5:30).
It was a bit disturbing.
At first I was in a fabric store. A huge warehouse full of metal shelves holding all sorts of fabrics. Some were draping down, others just folded in their place.
I was going around seeing which ones I wanted swatches of to take home.
I wanted some pre-lined gray po de soie; (Like that exists), and whole bunch of other fancy fabric. I finally decided and was taking my friend Ramin through the store to get the swatches, but kept forgetting where the chosen fabrics were. I wondered why I didn't just take the swatches as I went around the first time.
Then I walked to another part of the building that was "my house". It wasn't anything like my house and I could still see that I was connected to the warehouse, but I was "home".
I went into the kitchen. The sink had a window over it that looked out at the front yard. (It reminded me of my front yard when I was 8.) As I stood there, I looked down into the sink and a glass had nearly imploded from a tiny piece of hot coal that was sitting inside of it. It was like a chemical reaction had caused the glass to fold in on itself. Then I glanced up at the yard and puddles of gas all over the yard were catching on fire. I yelled for my husband. I showed him and told him to get the hose and put them out. He ran outside as I watched from the window. The fires got bigger and bigger as I waited for him to get the hose. Then I woke up from his alarm.

Off the top of my head all I can say is "I don't want fires in my front yard." That speaks to bad things for all to see. It's encouraging that my husband was rushing to put them out, but who started them?
Are they linked to fabric in some way? My Feasts fashion show I'm working on? hmmm.

If the Shoe Fits

I had to wake up to pee around 2:00 and luckily I did recall that I had a dream about buying shiny silver shoes with my husband. They looked like metal, but felt like leather. He pointed out some that had a long front and black heels. I told him those weren't "me", and proceeded to look through 4-5 other pair... all the same color story. I ended on a pair that had a small silver toe part with a little rectangle metal applique with a logo on it on the right side of the toe. They were very cute and modern.

I had another shopping dream with my mom... but I can't remember that one.

Closets and Camp

Still not sleeping great. I made a point to not drink so much water so close to bed time, so I was only up 3 times last night, but it took me forever to fall asleep. I'm allowed to have coffee and tea on this diet (which I don't usually have much of), and I had two espressos yesterday and a cup of tea... I think that's what did it.
Today... only in the AM!

On to the dream...

I was at a house from my childhood (from when I was a teenager at VAFB), but the carpets were from my friend Barbara's house. The carpets were mildewed and in bad shape. I was walking around with pants and a bra on thinking about the carpet when I noticed an old man walking up the driveway. I darted into my parent's bathroom and slumped down on the floor so I couldn't be seen. (The driveway came right past their bathroom window.) I could hear the man talking to my mom or somebody. He looked and sounded like Doc Hopper, the villain from "The Muppet Movie".
After that I went to look for a shirt. I looked in my mom's closet, which turned into a film set wardrobe area, with rolling racks of clothes. I found a cute white pique top with a scoop neck, short poof sleeves, and a coral band around the low waist. I put it on and then looked for a bottom. I found a floral skirt that watched nicely. It had a belt that wove in and out of the upper material. The skirt was very full and I had to tuck in the shirt. Once I did, I didn't like it anymore cause it made me look like a balloon. So I took it off. There were two camp counselors (one girl who looked like an old college teacher, Jane Wu, and one boy who reminded me of my son's camp counselor). They were telling me it was time to get going and that I had to hurry. We were going to San Fransisco for the day. I quickly found some jean shorts to shove on, and as I was putting away some other things I found a stash of baklava that had been hidden from us from an earlier meal. (The stash was in an antique side bar that I have in my hallway in my room, in real life.) I grabbed a few hand fulls and made a break for the road. It was a busy street with lots of cars and a very steep hill... like we were already in Frisco. I crossed to the center divide and started walking up hill following other campers, with some still behind me. ...and that was the end.

Well, obviously my dreams are having camp details thrown in because of my son being at camp.
My college illustration teacher, Jane Wu, was probably the most challenging teacher I had, so that speaks to challenge; I'm not sure if for me, or for my son.
Sneaking baklava out of my own sidebar in a place that my furniture did not belong, is very telling of how my diet is going. Yes, I'm still sticking to it and doing well at it, but the temptation to cheat (especially with one of my favorite sweets, baklava) is very strong. My way is to sneak. (If nobody sees, it really doesn't count, right?) WRONG. I HAVE to get that type of thinking OUT!
Why San Fran? I don't know. I saw pictures of my son hiking at camp the other day... perhaps walking the streets of San Fransisco is the closest I will come to hiking. :-)
Doc Hopper was a sneaky villain... why was he coming to my house? I think it had to do with the carpets. I have been spending more time with Barbara lately. We even talked about shampooing her carpets while we were on our walk today. Who's the villain that has to do with Barbara? hmmm.
And here I am again with just a bra! and again with looking through clothes. hmmm.
I should look at the past dreams with these themes again and see if I can draw any conclusions.

So Many Unwritten

I had my family visiting for the past week, so I never took the time to write my dreams. I did, however, have many nights of very interesting dreams. (Seems to always happen when they visit.)
I really wish I would've taken time to write them.

Last night's involved peeing in inappropriate places. (My nephew peed on my couch yesterday.) It was me doing the peeing in the dream though... in a doll's bed. At the end of the dream (after much pee related material) I had my husband below a table at a HS reunion in Vegas, doing things to me that are reserved for the bedroom. It was an all around "inappropriate" dream.

The night before I had a dream about switching rooms with my sister. My room had all of my old silver, black, and pink furniture, and her room had oak furniture, lots of knickknacks, a huge closet, and a small filing cabinet on her dresser. (We saw an old filing cabinet at the antique store Wednesday that my mom said would be good for my sister's organizing business.)
We switched rooms (I don't remember why) and an old lady came to look at our rooms. I showed her my sister's room as if it was my own. (Her room was very far from my style and would not have fooled anyone who knew us... so the lady must not have known us.)
It was a strange dream, and yet another dream about me being in my sister's closet looking at clothes. This time it passed beyond the clothes, and I looked through all of her things. I don't know what she did in my room cause I never went back in there.

This theme of my sister's clothes etc. is curious to me. I wonder if it has to do with weight... or if it's more about shared experiences as children... or the things I've adopted from my sister in my personality. hmmmm.

Another Potty Dream, and Trying on Clothes again.

When I was driving home last night I had a thought. I never dream about romance. I never dream about my husband or any mystery man in a romantic way. (Sure I have sex dream, but not romantic ones.) I was thinking about fairy tales and what we think of as "dreams".  I wondered how many people actually dream those type of dreams... or if that is limited to 'day dreams'.  ???

Anyway, no exception to the rule I had two completely non-romantic dreams last night.

The first centered around poop. (I think it came from our talk last night... trying to unload crap in our thinking.)

In the dream I was sitting around with a group of women (just like I really was last night) and we were in a restaurant that hadn't opened yet. It was a large ball room and the tables and chairs were not set up yet. I sat on a barrel that looked like a red trashcan/stool. Other people had different stools and chairs. (The chair I sat on last night was red too.) We were talking, and I began to poo. No one knew I was, and my butt covered the opening of the trashcan perfectly, so no smell was escaping. (Gross, I know). 

Anyway, a lady came in and said we had to leave cause they were going to open the restaurant. Guys came in and started setting up tables and a dinner party filed in. I was terrified over what to do with my poop. I held the trashcan to my butt as I stood up and walked out of the room.

The scene changed and I went directly into a men's locker room. There were athletes changing, and I walked right past them into a bathroom stall where I dumped the poop. I realized I had to go more, but didn't want to go in the men's room. I walked around to at least four different bathrooms looking for a place to go. The ones in the men's locker room had names like "armpit", and other names that made you think of stink.  I found my way to the ladies side and looked in their bathrooms. I finally settled on one that reminded me of an old dream I had in an Indian bath house type setting (if those exist). I walked up to one that was in a gazebo and two friends were close by. I sat down and listened to them talk. Each one had a story of a move, or something falling through.  My friend Kelly (from years ago) was saying she wasn't going to be able to move to Hawaii... along with other things.

That was the end of that one.

The second dream took place in what was suppose to be Roy and Gracia's house (the house I lived in during my freshman year of college when I was pregnant with my daughter.) Gracia was away, or in another room and I was all alone watching a movie. There were snacks set out for me and a giant glass vase on the table.  The vase fell (didn't break) and spilled potpourri all over the floor. I was about to clean it up when Gracia came out. I don't remember what she said, but she was upset with me and I walked away to my room where my mom was waiting for me to try on some clothes.  (Last night my friend Rebecca gave me some hand-me-down pants to try on). In the dream I was trying on what Rebecca had given me, but they were skirts not pants. They were all long thin dirndl skirts. I tried on the red one. Then I tried on one that had a long high waist  up to my boobs. It was white and had a layer of lace over top. The skirt portion was long and thin again, and I was surprised that it looked good on me. My mom was just standing by and handing things too me, and puffing my blouse out the top.

That was the extent of the dream.

At our group last night we talked about parts of ourselves we'd like to overcome, things that we're insecure about and what we could do about those things. My dream from last night was brought up... the one about the bustier. I find it interesting that in last night's dream, I am again trying on lace... with my mom... and this time it fit. 

The significance of Gracia goes back to the root of my over eating. That was when I got fat for the first time. "You were pregnant", you may say... Yes, but they ate out at nearly every meal (which I was not use to), and I gained FAR more than what you are suppose to while pregnant. It was a VERY low time for me, away from family and going through adoption counseling against my will. Eating became a very acceptable way of dealing with my pain. I had never really thought of their house as being the birth place of that issue in my life... but it certainly was.

I think the giant glass vase speaks of the frailty of beauty. My vase did not break, but there in that house, it was knocked over, and I never got to clean it up.

On tour, and Babies in the UK

Yes, It's been a while. Things at home were not conducive to dream journaling... and now that time has past the only dream I remember from the past few weeks is one about my Nanny (Mom's mom) reprimanding me for being topless.

Last night, however, I said a prayer before bed to ask God what He wanted me to do about my dream journaling... If He was going to talk to me that way any time soon, or if I should just let it go for now.

Well.. I had a night jammed packed with dreams, so I'm taking it as a, "No, I'm not done with that."

The first dream I am fairly sure was just an alert.

It was simply me talking to my son about something he was doing, and I kept saying, "It's too late." "It's too late, you can't do that now." "It's too late." I awoke from the dream to pee at 2:30. I could hear voices in his room. (He's having a sleep over). I knew immediately I needed to go in there and tell them it was too late, they needed to go to bed. So I did.

I went back to sleep and had a dream where I was on a tour with a big group in an open air jeep/bus. Somehow I got stuck on the towing hitch with my legs under the jeep and holding on to the handle in the back. I think I had just been sitting there while we were stopped somewhere, and then the driver took off, and I was still there.

My mom was on the jeep and she alerted the driver of my position, but he just yelled back if I'd be alright til the next stop.  I said OK, and off we drove. At one point I remember mentioning that it was like water skiing... but not in a good way.  The town that we were traveling through seemed a lot like the Long Beach/Naples area. But when we finally stopped it was in an old western town with dust roads etc.  I got off and went inside an adobe low ceiling-ed building with my mom and my sister. There were multiple small rooms at different levels, only a step up or down from the next. In the rooms were old artifacts and antique treasures. I found an old bustier, and took it into a small bedroom (now very old west style, wood) to try it on. My mom and my sister came with me. The bustier was too small in the boob area, but I kept telling my mom that when I lost weight it would fit, so I was going to get it anyway. 

A voice came over a loud speaker saying it was time to make our way back to the bus. The shop would do all final purchases now. I took off the bustier and had it along with something else lacey in my hands debating on whether or not to get them both.  A woman dressed like an animal, in a brown furry suit, snuck out from behind a chest in the bedroom and crept up to us. It was a little creepy, cause we then knew that she had been in there the whole time. When she got to us (still squatting like an animal) she started reaching with her exaggerated fingers, grabbing at the items in my hand. After a minute she started talking and saying, "You'll have to put them back... you don't have time... it's time to go." Her tone got more frantic til the end of the dream when she was saying, "Just drop them and go.... go."  At that moment a friend from the dressing room/bedroom next door came in and told me to mention her room lady as the sales person for my purchases. She explained that she liked her lady, and that they worked on commission. I got a quick image of her lady in my head as I walked out of my room to go to the cashier.

Looking back on the dream it seems very strange that the animal lady didn't want me to buy things if they worked on commission. So what was that? What was any of it? It's my first "tour" dream since the month we got back from our Israel tour. It's quite a different picture from other dreams where I'm driving, or even being in the seating area. I was being dragged behind... though not actually on the ground. And why my mom and sister? Or the bustier? 

The next dream I had last night woke me up at 5:30 with a gag reflex.

The dream did not involve me at all, I was just being shown an area and it's problems. The place was in the UK.  Conditions were terrible. Riots had left the city looking like a ghost town. Then my attention was directed at one man. He was an older black man, and he started to describe his situation. His kids had left him in charge of his grand kids, and the number of children he was watching just kept multiplying. (I don't think they were ALL family, but maybe.) There were all ages of children, but towards the end there were just more and more newborn babies. They were being born out of his (or my, or ???) mouth. I felt a gag reflex every time a baby came out. They were all in the fetal position and all had brown skin. I woke up and even heard myself gag.

I'd say that the scene looked very doomsday-ish but at the same time there were just more and more babies. Perhaps the babies were spiritual babies. hmmmm.

Take the Wheel, Clean the Baby, and Dress Up.

I slept great last night... I bought some "breathe right strips"... Thank you to the inventor of those!

My first dream started in a parking lot. I can't remember too much of it, but I remember the main part, which is that my ten year old son was driving the car while my daughter and I rode in it... Me in the back seat. At one point he turned and was on the freeway facing on coming traffic. I tried to talk him through turning back around, but some cars started coming and he froze. When the next opportunity appeared I jumped over the center console and took over driving.

(I think this is as plain as it sounds... I'm letting a ten year old drive me around... I need to stop!)

My second dream was about a baby. The baby was a girl, maybe 4 months old. My mom and I (and I think my daughter) were all taking care of her. She looked a lot like my sister's daughter with curly brown hair, and a button nose and big eyes. She had on a red frilly dress. She wasn't mine, but I was helping. I took her to the bathroom to change her diaper. I was holding her by the belly and running water over her butt, wiping her clean. Then as I was drying her off I got angry and was being intentionally rough with her. I wasn't outright shaking her, but I was jerking her around and had a mean look on my face. I was frustrated with the situation... which had something to do with the baby.

(This one, I'm not positive, but I think has something to do with my daughter's trouble. I think the baby represents my daughter's "fruit" so-to-speak. I'm trying to help clean it up, but it's frustrating, and mainly I just wanna hurt the little 'red dress wearing' thing. )

My third dream was a good one, thank God. I was with my sister and we were kids. The look we had going was based on a favorite picture from my childhood. (In the picture we were at my Grandma's house and we had on fancy dresses and some of her makeup.) In the dream we had choices of piles of frilly dresses and skirts and boas to dress-up in. We had our hair curled and mine was in pig tails (as was often the case growing up). We had lip gloss on too. We were dressing up and dancing around enjoying being little girls. It was a very enjoyable dream!

(I think this one is a flipped coin from the MANY clothes trying on/sister dreams I've had in the past few months. In all the past dreams I've been a teen or an adult and the clothes rarely fit, and it's rarely 'even' between us and rarely fun. This one, being free and innocent, and just being ourselves, we had a great time. All the clothes fit, and we enjoyed each others company.)

Bugs and Clothing Options

Yes, I have been dreaming the past few days, but quite frankly the people in my dreams wouldn't want me sharing what I dreamed about. So I didn't.

Last night I had a few tell-able dreams...

One was about bugs. ALL kinds of bugs. They were flying and crawling all around me. (Perhaps because I vacuumed up so many yesterday from windowsills and sliding glass door frames.) I had my son's cricket pinchers that we use to feed his bearded dragon, and I was pinching them straight out of the air. It was a very frustrating dream.  (I actually think it had more to do with my ipod melt down right before I went to bed. I said "Yes" to something I shouldn't have and spent the last hour before bed deleting duplicates from my play lists.  Point, click, control, point click..... etc.) Tedious. 

I had another dream about clothes... 80's clothes to be exact. My sister again... and myself dressing for school or something. This time there was tons to choose from and I wasn't having any problems fitting any of it. (I'm taking that as a step in the right direction! I started a Zumba class Monday night, and am going to water aerobics occasionally.)

...and that's about it.

I hope your dreams are going great... becoming more memorable... and talking to you. :-)

My Shoes

Yet again a dream about picking out an outfit.

This time was mainly about picking the shoes. I was wearing hot pants and a t-shirt (I was a bit skinnier), and I was choosing between some J-21 black and purple platforms that I have, and some brown Ecco sandals I have... both very comfy.

I will say that this one was different in that I actually own the things I was choosing between.  Perhaps I'm getting down to more realistic choices. :-)

"Peter Pan, Smurfs, and Shorts"

Well, I'm back from my trip... on which I kept no dream journal. :-)

Last night I had three... (or more)

The first one; I was playing around on my computer and my husband was helping me to put some new icons on my desktop. They were strange things like high def fireworks, and mushrooms. Directly after they were all on my desktop I went into the movie "Peter Pan". I don't know if I was Peter Pan, or if I was in narrator mode directly over his shoulder. I could hear his thoughts and see everything from his view, but a few times the view changed and I was directly over him while flying. He landed in the yard of Mr. Smee. (They were both 'real' people, not cartoons.) Mr. Smee told him where to go find Hook. He seemed very nice and helpful, but when we started flying away there was a gun shot that nearly missed our head. After another gun shot, and we flew back down to the yard. There was a gun like the one he held in the cartoon, that looked a little like a horn. We saw his wife;  her name was Diane Cook, or at least that's what it sounded like. It makes more sense if she would've said "Hook", so maybe she did, I remember pondering the name as we left, thinking, "Cook? or Hook?" and "Capt. Hook's wife's name is Diane? or Mr. Smee's wife? I never knew they had a wife."

In the second dream I brought my dog to a bible study meeting at a friend's house. They had one gray tabby cat with two kittens. I assured them that Knuckles (my dog) would be fine with the cats. We watched the kittens and Knuckles play for a while then other guests started to arrive. My friend Roxi came and brought her dog (only in the dream it was a black lab, not a chocolate one), and another friend brought a dachshund. Everyone was afraid of how the dogs would do. It was a little hectic at first but after a while they seemed to be OK with each other... and the cats.

All the grownups sat down on the couches and the little kids went into a back room to play.

The TV was turned on and a tape put in... It was The Smurfs. We were all sitting there to watch The Smurfs. We were seeing if it was appropriate or something. There were discussions about what they were singing. People were saying that the first song was about groceries, but it was clearly about "rules" or "the law". I spoke up about it.  The next song was about something else I don't remember now.

My husband and I walked away from the group to go make-out in a back room. Every single room we went in to had someone sleeping in it. Even the bath tub had a person sleeping in it. It was odd.

The third dream was my sister and I again, looking through clothes. (There is something to this reoccurring theme.)  In this one we were getting ready for school (again), and we were sharing a wardrobe. The tops were not the important thing this time; it was all about the shorts.  I was looking for a particular pair about half way through. Finally I looked in a suitcase that was laying on the floor. I found what I thought was them, but upon further inspection, it wasn't. I ended up finding the shorts I was looking for in a pile I had already been through. (They were almost all jean shorts.)

"Closets or Shops"

Last night's dream was all about my sister and I, and clothes.

I'm not exactly sure why, but I think it could have something to do with the children's book I mentioned the other day. I had a conversation with my husband before I went to bed about it, and basically he said, "You don't have time for that." The discussion was far more in depth, but it left me thinking about who could write the book instead. My first thought was my friend Laurelin, who is a great writer. But she's writing her own book. This morning when I woke up, I was thinking about my sister. My sister is a great writer as well... the problem is, I don't think she'd like the subject matter. :-/

That's just one thought about the dream.

I could take it another way, in that 'why am I messing with my sister's talent, why not stick with my own which is clothes', since the whole dream was about clothes... but not really my own. hmmm? That was part of our pre-bedtime conversation too.

One other thought I have about it is that is it similar to one I had a week or so ago about being at camp and packing the suitcase, taking out my sister's clothes. That dream had a lot to do with my counseling session and getting rid of the remnants of her influence over my life.

In the dream we were in rooms similar to our rooms from 5th and 6th grade. I had her dresser in my room (one I painted later in our teen years) and I was getting dressed for school. I was wearing a yellow and white skirt I have with eyelets and flowers, looking for a top to go with it. (Which really is a problem with that skirt.) I was wanting a yellow T-shirt and a light eyelet-ed white three quarter top that I could just button near the top. It didn't exist. I looked through the closet. Went in her room (to the left of mine) and looked. Looked through the dresser, which had hidden drawers of jewelry from our past. It looked like the dresser was in bad shape, but it still worked. The jewels were so packed in that they over-flowed a bit and stuck out the sides in places. (Hummmm, perhaps this is just about talking to my sister. Telling her of her treasures.? Well... that only explains parts.)

I left my room and walked down the hall to the right; I was in a college dorm environment. I had my own room and my sister was sharing with "the rich girls". I walked into their room looking for a top to wear. Their room was huge. It was like a massive closet. No furniture, just clothes on long built in wooden racks. They were mostly sweaters. (I have dreamed of a store like this before.) I said, "it looks just like Anthropology". (My favorite store.) (It really didn't, but I could see all of those sweaters being sold there.) They were colorful, made with variegated yarns. I wanted all of them, but none of them were my sister's. I left the room feeling rather disappointed. On my way back to my room I noticed that the hallway was very large and barren, nearly abandoned in feel. The walls were a grayed white. There was one large archway before you got to my room on the left. I was making a note of it to tell people how to get to my room. But once I got to my room, it was a shoe store. I was a little concerned. "What happened to my room?" I wondered if I was now in charge of the shoe store, or if possibly my room was inside somewhere. I walked down a little alley beside the shoe store and came to an area full of raw wool. My fried Barbara and her two daughters were there, and we decided to learn how to dye and spin our own wool, so I could make pretty sweaters like the ones in my sister's dorm room.

I woke up while I was looking at all the variations of thicknesses of un-dyed yarn hanging.

Perhaps Barbara is going to help me with my story.  Or maybe that's just because she is holding me accountable to finish the portrait I'm working on, so that I can get back to sewing. I'm really having a hard time with the direction of what I'm supposed to be doing.  I guess I should just stick to what I know I've been called to. Get going on my fashion show, whatever else happens, happens.

"Fashion choices"

I had a frustrating dream last night.

I was going somewhere with my family (mom, dad, sister... not husband and kids).

I had to get dressed, but I couldn't find anything I liked. I had a huge closet (more like a back stage dressing room) to choose from. It was all from the early 90's; lots of baggy things, lots of skin tight things.

The most memorable pair of items I put on was an over sized gauzy white button-up shirt, over a long jean skirt that was tattered and had a slit up the back that nearly went to butt cheek level. 

My hair was even in a early 90's style.

The above outfit was too "blocky" and unflattering, so I put on a skin tight long floral skirt with gathering up the sides, ala Spanish dancer. This was probably the fifth outfit I tried, (not to mention the long racks of stuff I had just looked at).

I'm always intrigued by these type of dreams.

I have them every few months. I try on outfits and don't seem to like any of them. They are almost always from the 80's or 90's. Occasionally I'll try on all things that I do like, and occasionally they will be modern.

I always wonder, "Is it about fashion?" (since that is what I have a BA in, and what I want to be spending time on.) OR, "Is it about choices?" and that's just how God talks to me because it is a language I enjoy.

Is it about my career, or lack there of? About what I should be doing with my time? About spending time doing things that really don't fit? Why are the clothes outdated? Am I doing things that I was once called to, but now am not? Or is my fashion calling outdated? 

So many questions. I think I'll go to the dog park. :-)

"Make Your Own Barbie"

Last night's dream was of me shopping in a large store, kinda "home-depot"y but with toys and things.

I was in the process of creating my own Barbie.

You could pick her ethnicity, her hair, her facial expression, and her clothes.

I picked a Latina Barbie with closed mouth and dark brown hair. She came in a pink dress with her hair in a side pony tail. I didn't want the side pony tail or the pink dress, and I was trying to figure out how to undo her hair with my mind while she was still in the box.  A voice told me that I could pick which ever outfit I wanted and it would be part of the price, and though logically I knew I could change her hair when I got her home, it still bugged me that I couldn't change it there.

I think the dream had to do with my daughter. Friday night she went to a 70's party and I dressed her up and curled her hair for the part. Her hair looked great down, but she wanted a side pony tail. So she got her side pony tail and I was inwardly a little sad about it.

As a child I was a Barbie fiend... all the way up to when my daughter was Barbie age. We did at one point "create our own Barbies" when they had that special going online. You could pick the ethnicity, the facial expression, the hair, and the outfit. We made one just like my dream, but her pony tail (picked by my daughter) was in the back, and her dress was a purple burnout dress, also picked by my daughter.  Perhaps the dream was just something about my choices not always being my daughter's choices and that I get frustrated when she picks what I think is worse. Shallow, yes, but running through my subconscious at some level... even when it comes to fashion and hair styles.

I'm back

Well, I'm home from my vacation.

I had absolutely NO time to journal during the 'tour' part of the trip. wake up calls were set at 5:45. CRAZY.

But I did dream some quite interesting dreams. I only remember basics since I didn't write anything down.

The first night I had one where my friend Olivia puked in a garage, and we both cleaned it up together.

The second night I had one where my daughter and I were riding bikes down a hill and listening to a heavy metal song discussing the lyrics and how they were searching for God.

Four or 5 days ago I had one where my professor was examining my breasts.

A few days before that I had one where I was driving a bus and the breaks were not working, but I drove up into a park on a hill and we stopped.

And I had another where I was with my Swell Sister's in a van and stopped at a shabby chic convention, all in 50's style dresses. There were cats there using the toilet. I took off my dress and went to put it back on in-side-out and found that I needed to do pattern work on it. I started working on it and a large burly mountain man came to help me (a character from a book I was reading). He did the pattern for me, but to my horror when I came to check on him he had thrown away the 'good' part of the pattern too. I was so upset, cause I had to turn it in at college the next day, and now I'd have to start over.

The first dream... I think was because Olivia and I were talking the day before I left. She is opening up in new ways... some messy. :-)
The second dream rings of a conversation my daughter and I had about a week after I dreamed it, about my husband (ex- heavy metal rocker) and his struggles. We are both on bikes because it's our own 'personal' journey, but we were together because we are together in this journey. We both deal with the same things with him. (We had a very trying trip with him, due to another love interest of my daughter's that she met on the trip.)

The third dream really bothered me the first few days after I had it. I had a hard time understanding it.It was awkward and of course I didn't want to think of my professor that way.  Then the last day of the tour my professor came up to me (in real life) and explained how he had been watching my husband and I on the trip and how he admired our parenting and our marriage. I immediately thought of the dream and how breasts symbolize motherhood.  He had been examining my mothering... not really my boobs. :-)

The other two dreams both had buses (not unusual, since I basically lived on a bus for the past week and a half). We saw tons of stray cats on our trip, all over Jordan and Israel. ... and other wise I'm not sure of any meaning.