Mice in the Kitchen, Forgotten Son, and Stuck Car.

It's been a while, I know.
My excuse (though not a good one) is that it's summer, and I have been sleeping in. I wake up so late that I don't feel like I have any time to spend typing.

For the past two nights, however, my dreams have been bad and pointed, so I thought I'd take a minute to write them down since I woke up a little early this morning.

Sunday night I had a dream that there were mice in my grandmother's kitchen. As you may remember I consider my grandmother the source of my family's spiritual legacy. When I dream of her house it is always a mansion, and typically very full. Sunday night's dream was no exception. The house was open and grand, with room for hundreds of people. I had been wandering around the first floor of the house, and came into the kitchen. There I found my dog nosing at the cabinets. I looked closer and he was killing a mouse. The mouse had on clothes (like Stuart Little). As I stood there, another mouse appeared and then another. All were dressed, but unwelcome just the same. I killed a few, and my husband killed a few. We were squishing them, halving them... whatever we could do to kill them.
As you know, the kitchen is the heart of the home, and mice are typically considered pests. I have been praying for my grandmother ever since as she has battled cancer and other ailments in the past, and her health is not the greatest even now. I can't think of any other meaning than disease in her "heart", (whether it be literal, or something like worry).

Last night's dreams were disturbing for other reasons.
In the first, I left my son alone in a crowded place, and in the second I could not get to my car.

The first dream began with my son and I walking through a flea market type environment. He was picking up all kinds of things that he wanted... mostly sweet treats, like popsicles. I showed him an area of gallons of ice cream and we talked about getting one even though we are both on a diet. (The diet was talked about repeatedly in the dream.) After we had gotten all the things he wanted I told him I would meet him back at the car and we would drive "home". I went out a back way through a warehouse guided by a worker who was hitting on me. I had four pen caps in my hand and then my back pocket. (Don't know what that was about.) When I got to the car I forgot to wait for my son. I instead drove all the way to the hotel/cabin, where my husband and daughter were already there and asleep. I went to bed, and fell asleep too. When I rolled over a little while later it dawned on me that I had forgotten my son. I panicked, and stumbled to the car still half asleep. I thought about the fact that I was too sleepy to drive. Then I thought about my phone battery. I looked down to see multiple missed calls from my son and even a very sad picture he had taken of himself. I also saw that my battery was in the red zone. I panicked more. Oh no! How am I going to get a hold of him? How is he going to call me? I ran back into the cabin to get my husband's phone, all the while thinking "what if my son's battery is almost dead?" I woke myself up with all the panic.

I went back to sleep after a quick pee brake. The next dream was better, but still bad.
I was with my two best friends from high school; we had been at some event and were now walking back to my car. We got to the parking garage and could not find my car. Then we found a hole in the back of the car garage down to another level of cars. I could see my car on the lower level. The cars were crammed together like sardines with absolutely no room to drive them out. There wasn't even a ramp to get them out of the hole. I jumped down the hole onto the hood of another car and walked around on car hoods to see if I could figure out something. Realizing that this was a towing company I deducted that the cars had been lowered down with a crane. So my friends and I went to find the owner. I found a worker sitting in a shack out in a dusty yard, feet up, talking on the phone. I asked if he could help me. He was very rude and denied me help. He mentioned the owner, pointed him out, and said he was busy too. No one would be able to help us. It was extremely frustrating. The dream ended in frustration after minutes of trying to get the owner's attention.

Meanings? Well, I think that the diet talk and the fact that all of our purchases were food items not on our diet, speaks to what the dream with my son was about. I have nearly reached my goal weight and my days of dieting will soon be over... or so I hope. (Even the worker hitting on me speaks of where I'm at in my weight.) My son is just now starting his weight loss journey (this time around). I think that the dream is reminding me not to leave him behind. Not to go back and "sleep" with my skinny daughter and husband. The world offers many temptations that I can't just say, "that's not on our diet, but just this once we could get it"; (which are the kinds of things I was saying in the dream).

Personal cars in dreams typically speak about your personal life. I don't particularly like the idea of my life stuck underground without having the ways and means of getting it out myself. I do like that my best friends are with me the whole time. I really don't have other thoughts about the meaning of that dream.

"JJ's RV Jet", and "BFs Visit"

Two quite interesting dreams last night, very unlike any I've had for a while.

The first started on a private jet owned be my nephew in-law (highly unlikely). The jet was gutted and the inside looked like an RV. My nephew (JJ) was piloting and I was in back with my niece and her four girls, and 5 puppies. (Her dog had puppies back in January, and the last one was given away less than a month ago, so that's fresh in my mind.) We landed in a field that was partially dirt, partially grass, and looked like a camping area. There was another family nearby at a group of picnic tables. I played with the girls and the puppies for a while and then moved away from the jet towards the picnic table. My niece and her husband were dancing by a table and singing to some country music (again, highly unlikely) as if they were at a hoedown. I was very happy to see them so happy, but then I thought about the puppies. They were over near the jet unsupervised. I walked over there and some had wondered near the street and some were playing right where we left them. My dog Knuckles was there with them. He was done 'puppy-sitting'. We gathered up the puppies and I counted them as we boarded. Knuckles jumped up to sit in the co-pilot seat, and I can't remember for sure, but I think I got up to pilot this time.
The scene changed and we were at a stadium. We were walking up to our seats and about to watch a movie. I think it was "The Rescuers", (with the mice and the orphan 'Penny'.) All four girls, my niece, and JJ were sitting down and I was carrying popcorn etc. to the seats. (Maybe this is because I have been talking about taking them to a movie lately.)


In the next dream I was back with my two BFs from high school, Vanessa and Michelle. (In real life I just returned from a visit with them at Michelle's parents house in Maryland.) We were arriving at Michelle's parent's house again, even though in the dream it looked a little different. It resembled a doll house (which it kinda does in real life too). I had to go to the bathroom but each bathroom I went in had flushing problems, noted by paper still in the bowl, which I tried to flush with no luck. So I didn't want to add to the problem.
Everyone was getting ready to go out to eat, so I just decided I would go to the restroom at the restaurant. Vanessa, and I walked down to a ballroom that was attached to the hotel that we were now in somehow. and Michelle and her mom went on to see if our reservations at the restaurant were ready.
The ball room was set up with long banquet tables at one side and a huge dance floor in the middle. We went ahead and took a seat at a table with two other older men. Food started coming out and since we were hungry we started to eat. After a course or two, Michelle and her mother came in to get us to go to the restaurant. We said we would rather stay there since we had already started and also wouldn't have to walk any further. After a little protesting they stayed. Michelle had on a trench coat over a pink sequined gown that had a huge slit up the front. Vanessa was wearing purple, and I'm not sure what I was wearing as the dream was seen in first person. All three of us danced like little girls playing "princess" across the dance floor holding hands with Michelle in a circle. And that was all.

As for meaning...
Modes of transportation (as we've talked about before) symbolize life direction and circles of influence. For instance, bicycles are about the individual who's riding them and no one else. Family cars (especially with family in them) are about the driver's influence over their family circle. Buses deal with bigger sphere's of influence, trains and planes bigger still. It's important to note if you are a passenger or the driver.
In my first dream JJ was driving a private jet. A private jet, though small in influence is still different than a car. It's flying, not driving. The significance of that could be about soaring over obstacles, or being "above" in some way. It's a good thing though. The dancing that they were doing was good too, but both good things (jet and country music) were very unlike my niece and nephew. Perhaps it's saying something about them acting out of character in a good way soon. I don't know, but I was happy to see that I'm along for the ride.

My second dream, having to go to the bathroom (a typical theme for me) but not being able to because of "obstacles", could speak about not being able to say all that I wanted to say to my friend Michelle while we were there. We did talk about everything, but sometimes I couldn't think of words that would convey all I wanted to say. The "obstacle" present was a difference in our walks of faith. The day that Michelle left and it was just Vanessa and I for an evening we had a good talk and prayer about our individual (and joint) walks of faith. I imagine that is why Vanessa and I went to the ballroom and Michelle and her mom went to the restaurant in the dream. The good news is that Michelle later joined us in the ballroom and we danced like little girls. The trench coat she was wearing still signifies hiding in some way... Hiding a revealing but beautiful pink sequined gown. (As teens, pink was Michelle's favorite color.)

Advice and Tres Leche Cake

The night before last I had an "advice" dream, featuring my pastor's wife and a few other church ladies.
In the dream I was watching one of the worship leaders at my old church, and talking to my pastor's wife about my involvement. She was telling me that I needed to step it up. I also had to get my friend Terese's shoes in the dream. And in the dream Terese was wearing all brown. In one book I read the author said brown signifies pastoral stuff, but who knows. All I know is that it's pretty clear that I need to get my act together this coming year and not be so apathetic about my "assignments".

Last night I had two dreams; one about an ex of mine (Shane) making Tres Leche cake and I was instructing him. I was also noticing his muscular build and his air force hair-do. (This is new in dreams, cause typically I dream of him the way I remember him from high school or college days, not the way he is now.)
I think the part about the cake has to do with me being on a diet after so many sweets over Christmas, so now automatically my brain goes to what I can't have.
At the end of the dream my husband and kids were calling me to get in the car and leave. I told Shane he looked good and gave him a hug. Then I commented that he smelled good too, (I had a brief naughty thought, and must have been shocked at myself, cause I woke myself up.) :-)

The dream before that is fuzzy, but I remember one part in particular where I had to use the rest room and couldn't find it,(a common occurrence in my dreams). I finally found a green house looking building that was the rest room and I went in.
I could see through the glass walls, but they were dark and foggy with vines and such growing up around the outside so I didn't worry about people seeing in. I sat down, only to look behind me and see at least ten other people. I decided to just look forward (through the glass) and not think about what the others may be doing.
It was an odd dream, but then again, so are all of my "potty dreams".

Questioning Places

Last night's dream started in a palace type hotel room in the middle east. I was there with my sister and my grandma. I went down without them to the dining room which was also grand. I sat down at a table full of Arab men. The parade of food started. Tons of tea as well. One man left and his place sat empty for a while. I invited the tea server to sit down with us. The other men at the table gave me a look of disapproval, but the server stayed. One of the men to my right asked me why I had chosen to move to that part of the world. My brain raced with reasons, including witnessing, but I only spoke of my long time dream of coming to Morocco and Jordan and Israel. (All of which I visited this past year.) I spoke of my love of the cuisine and the decor.
Then the meal was over and a few Arab women took my family and I on a walk on a country road. It was a long trek, like we were going far out of town to get away. The dirt road ran beside crops and carts (very reminiscent of the end of "Fiddler on the Roof"). One of the women asked me why I only had two children. I started to talk about me not being the "mom" type, but I realized it sounded 'wrong' in that culture, so I didn't talk further about it.
Then the dirt road came to a paved road going up a hill. We crossed over and started walking up the hill on the gravel on the right side. As we went up the hill I saw another dirt road that went off to the right and down the other side of the hill. I stopped to look closer saying to my husband, "I think that's the road... the one from my dreams that leads to the wise man's house." (In most of my dreams I am approaching the road by coming down the paved road, making it off to the left. This was the first time I had seen it from the other direction. It's also the road that led to the horse stables and ranch house from a different dream.)
I was very intrigued and followed the road down the hill. It was a very long road but my sight moved like I was on wheels looking through a movie camera. the walk/roll down didn't take long at all. As I got to the bottom I rounded the bend and realized it was the horse ranch, not the wise man's house. There was the same gravel parking area that they both share, but the wooden beams framing the area and the wagon wheel on the stone wall of the building let me know it was the horse place not the wise old man's house. There were beautiful trees surrounding the area. It was very picturesque.
Knowing that I had been there before I didn't think anything of walking right inside. Inside was no where I had been before. It was a man's house that was a little dated with shag carpet and linoleum, beer cans, wood paneling, and other 70's looking things. The TV was on in a room only separated from the entry by a half wall with a "window" in it. The man walked through that room, as did 5 dogs. The dogs were all mutts, but you could clearly see breeds in them; like one was mainly bull dog, another mainly cattle dog, another a mix of Saint Bernard and pug. A few of the dogs came over to see me one by one. I knelt down and petted them. The man said something to me about the place, but I don't remember.

Meaning...
Well, I did prepare a Moroccan feast Friday for 12 ladies from my church.
We have been talking about travel a lot in my house...
And I've been babysitting dogs all week. All of those elements are explainable...
Why though, was there the horse place? Why was it not the wise man's place that I wanted to find? Or are the horse place and the wise man's place one in the same, and I see which ever makes sense that night. Is the horse place about humility and service, and the wise man's house about encouragement and empowerment? Do they intertwine?
Why was it coupled with the middle east. I just finished reading "Son of Hamas" (a great true story!) My mind is definitely on the middle east, just because of our nearing the "End". Well, it could be as simple as that. I'll ask God to show me if there is any further connection.

A Refreshing Pool of Skinniness

I'll just jump right in.

Last night's dream started with my friend Alyson crafting on the floor between two pews at a church. I was there with her, watching, then my ex's dad, Steve, came and we walked outside with Cheryl's dog "Bear", through a very green lawn. The lawn had sprinklers going, that we dodged as we made our way to a big pool. There were two in-ground hot tubs right beside the pool. The pool was long and rectangular and had a basketball court that butted up against the back of it. I wanted to go in the hot tub but I knew it would feel better after the main pool, so I went ahead and dove into the pool which had other people in it too. It was very refreshing. Then a little girl who was walking along the edge by the basketball court took off one of her shoes and it dropped into the water. She was going to lean in to get it, but it was sinking fast, so I dove down to get it. The pool was VERY deep; luckily the shoe had only gone half way down. It was a tiny blue "Ked" type sneaker.
When I got up from my dive, my other ex boyfriend, Brent, walked into the scene carrying a bunch of taquitos wrapped in foil with names written on the sides in black sharpie (like they do at Chipotle). I saw "Moo" written on one of them: (My nick name). I said, "Is that for me?" he told me I could have it after he delivered the rest, but I insisted that he give it to me then. I got out to take it. It was a simple deep fried tortilla that had been wrapped around guacamole and some shredded pork. I don't remember eating it, but I walked back inside after that into a room that was set up for a party. I guess the party was over because my friend Dori and her mother were cleaning up all the streamers and such. I started to help them tear things off the ceiling... which amazingly enough, I could reach.
And that was the end.

Meaning...
I hope that seeing Alyson in church means she's going back. The crafting there on the floor would indicate that she was "being herself" at church. That's good too!
Steve coming to take me to a refreshing pool speaks about the diet I was just on. He is the one who gave me the homeopathic hCG drops that helped me loose 20 pounds and feel great about myself for the first time in a long time.
Walking Bear is just a tie in from last night when I went on a walk with Bear.
Brent coming with a taquito for me... Well I had Chipotle last night, so that makes sense... but why Brent? Maybe because when I started my hCG diet his facebook response was "Just eat right and exercise more". (Which is what I'm doing to loose the next 20.) ??? Anyway, the only parts that baffle me are about the shoe and about Dori's party. I'll have to go check when Dori's birthday is... maybe I missed it.

Lettuce

Last night's dream's setting was with my pastor's wife, in her kitchen. I was over for some reason and she was going to feed me lunch. Her daughter was there as well. She had everything prepared but said she needed some lettuce. I looked around and noticed there were no walls on the rooms. I could see outside perfectly. I saw four different pillars like tree trunks that came up to 6 feet, with heads of lettuce on top. I pointed them out and said, "you have plenty of lettuce." She said that wasn't the right kind. Then I asked if we were going to have butter lettuce, "because I really like butter lettuce." Then I asked if butter lettuce had more calories.

That was basically the extent of the dream.
I had another one before that, that involved my mom, but I can't remember it now.

All I'm taking from the dream is that lettuce is on my brain from being on this diet, and that I've also been thinking about talking to Karen about nutrition because her daughter told me she has a book about eating for your blood type, and I am a little interested in what it would recommend for me.

Backwards

Well, as much as the new puppy waking me up at 5:15 is annoying, I will say it definitely helps with remembering dreams.

In my first dream I was watching Greta (the mother of my daughter's ex-boyfriend) vacuum my house. The vacuum she was using was so full of static that it was causing sparks which started to ignite half way through vacuuming the bedroom. The carpet starting catching on fire in little spots here and there. She wasn't even flinching about it, so I grabbed a piece of cloth and started slapping the flames with it. The fire would go out in one spot, only to re-ignite in the area she had just vacuumed. I went behind her putting out each fire. (She also, was backing out of the bedroom... so we were both 'backing up'.) Then one fire starting traveling up her arm. I slapped it as well. She finally took notice and watched as I slapped her arm with the cloth. It wasn't working as well on her arm so I told her to go put her arm in some water.
That was the end of that dream.

The next dream was about a feast. I was inviting my daughter's ex and his whole family to a dinner at my house. (It was like the house we lived in when my son was a baby.) The meal would be held outside and had been cooked on a huge grill. I was grilling the meat and had told my friend Mitzie to work on the salad. The meat and the baked potatoes were ready and the guests were about to arrive. The whole house had cooking things all around as if I had been catering an event for a hundred people. I wasn't terribly worried about cleaning it up because we would be eating outside. I looked over and saw lettuce all over the place in the entry room. I told Mitzie that they would be here soon, and the salad came first... "why wasn't it ready?" She said she didn't realize that I had told her to make the salad. I was pretty pissed off at that, and had to rationalize with myself that we could eat backwards. We would have the meat first because it was hot and ready anyway... then the soup... then the salad.

In the last dream I was walking in a city. I think it was suppose to be New York. I was in a 'not very nice' section. I arrived at a tall townhouse that was mine. All the houses on the block were just like it. They were all gray cement, three stories high, close together, on a hill, with a yard in 'back' surrounded by a retaining wall. Before I noticed the back yard I thought that living in the city would mean that I didn't have a yard.
I was waiting for my mom to show up so I could show her my new home. She came and we walked around the outside. I realized that the yard in 'back', was really the front yard, but no one entered that way. Mine was the house on the far right of the block, so to get into my house, you just came in the side door straight from the side street. The yard was empty.

Interpretation...
In all three dreams things are "backwards"; that must mean something. That is the theme I see. Remember, three dreams in one night with a common theme is a serious message. It's important that I get this.
In the first dream, Greta was vacuuming backwards.
In the second dream, I had to serve dinner backwards.
In the third dream, the 'back yard' turned out to be the 'front yard'.

I'm going to start with something I've dreamed before: yards.
Back yards typically have meant things that are private to MY family that no one else sees. Front yards are public. Things about me or my family that everyone sees.
In dream number 3, the yard was empty; It was big and it had a retaining wall. At first I didn't even think I would have one. So is it empty cause I'm new there? Or is it empty because it's empty?

There should also be something significant about my daughter's ex's family. I haven't dreamed about them since they broke up early this year. Even then, I typically dreamed of the boyfriend, not his mom. I suppose it could be because yesterday we were talking about going to Costa Rice again, and that is where both of our families went on vacation together.
If I take their family as simply symbolic of Costa Rica, then does that mean that going could cause fires in the bedroom? Or that how I envision the trip is going to be turned around, "backwards" in some way? If that's the case, how does the NY town house play in to that?

Last night I put the possible vacation to Costa Rica as my facebook status. I woke up to seven comments on it. One of which was my husband saying, "Wow... how does a f-a-m-i-l-y discussion became a F-a-c-e-b-o-o-k status update, that quick? There has to be some sort of protocol to follow. ...you hear what I'm screaming? :)"
This could be how the "back yard" became the "front yard". (That could also account for the "fires" in the bedroom. I don't think he was very happy with me.)
Another one of the comments was my best friend saying, "Wait till next April and go to Costa Rica when Lance and I may be there." Perhaps this is the reversal of the trip. (of course, that's just wishful thinking on my part.)

Old Friends

For the past few nights I've had dreams of old friends.
A couple nights ago I dreamed that I was preaching to my friend Paul. He was giving me excuses about why he didn't like Christianity... "couldn't have 'fun'." etc. I was telling him of the "fun" I have. :-)
Last night's was about my friend Ryan. (There were other old friends involved, but mainly Ryan.) He had made a huge mess with all kinds of things: some metal, some food, and I was cleaning it up for him. His sister was standing near by and was disgusted with him, as were a few other friends, but I could see that he was sad, and I wanted to help. I think he was drunk... or at least "sloppy" acting.

Today I'm praying for my friends... old and new... I think we are at a place of change. It's time to "poop or get off the pot". I love my friends. I wish the best for them all!

Crayons in the Pool, and Food I Can't Have.

real quick...

I had a dream about my son coloring at the bottom of a pool and leaving the crayons down there. In the morning the pool was full of water and the crayons were still at the bottom of the pool.

Dream #2 had a HUGE spread of yummy food at a side bar... all dessertish... Baklava was among them... lots of it. I started to put some on my plate. My mom and family were there. Then I sat down and a friend's son, Justin Parrish, was sitting to my left. He opened a bag and out poured tons of sliced papaya. On the table there was pineapple and other tropical fruits. I looked at it all and said, "I can't have any of that."
That was the extent of the dream.

(this diet is driving me batty.)

Closets and Camp

Still not sleeping great. I made a point to not drink so much water so close to bed time, so I was only up 3 times last night, but it took me forever to fall asleep. I'm allowed to have coffee and tea on this diet (which I don't usually have much of), and I had two espressos yesterday and a cup of tea... I think that's what did it.
Today... only in the AM!

On to the dream...

I was at a house from my childhood (from when I was a teenager at VAFB), but the carpets were from my friend Barbara's house. The carpets were mildewed and in bad shape. I was walking around with pants and a bra on thinking about the carpet when I noticed an old man walking up the driveway. I darted into my parent's bathroom and slumped down on the floor so I couldn't be seen. (The driveway came right past their bathroom window.) I could hear the man talking to my mom or somebody. He looked and sounded like Doc Hopper, the villain from "The Muppet Movie".
After that I went to look for a shirt. I looked in my mom's closet, which turned into a film set wardrobe area, with rolling racks of clothes. I found a cute white pique top with a scoop neck, short poof sleeves, and a coral band around the low waist. I put it on and then looked for a bottom. I found a floral skirt that watched nicely. It had a belt that wove in and out of the upper material. The skirt was very full and I had to tuck in the shirt. Once I did, I didn't like it anymore cause it made me look like a balloon. So I took it off. There were two camp counselors (one girl who looked like an old college teacher, Jane Wu, and one boy who reminded me of my son's camp counselor). They were telling me it was time to get going and that I had to hurry. We were going to San Fransisco for the day. I quickly found some jean shorts to shove on, and as I was putting away some other things I found a stash of baklava that had been hidden from us from an earlier meal. (The stash was in an antique side bar that I have in my hallway in my room, in real life.) I grabbed a few hand fulls and made a break for the road. It was a busy street with lots of cars and a very steep hill... like we were already in Frisco. I crossed to the center divide and started walking up hill following other campers, with some still behind me. ...and that was the end.

Well, obviously my dreams are having camp details thrown in because of my son being at camp.
My college illustration teacher, Jane Wu, was probably the most challenging teacher I had, so that speaks to challenge; I'm not sure if for me, or for my son.
Sneaking baklava out of my own sidebar in a place that my furniture did not belong, is very telling of how my diet is going. Yes, I'm still sticking to it and doing well at it, but the temptation to cheat (especially with one of my favorite sweets, baklava) is very strong. My way is to sneak. (If nobody sees, it really doesn't count, right?) WRONG. I HAVE to get that type of thinking OUT!
Why San Fran? I don't know. I saw pictures of my son hiking at camp the other day... perhaps walking the streets of San Fransisco is the closest I will come to hiking. :-)
Doc Hopper was a sneaky villain... why was he coming to my house? I think it had to do with the carpets. I have been spending more time with Barbara lately. We even talked about shampooing her carpets while we were on our walk today. Who's the villain that has to do with Barbara? hmmm.
And here I am again with just a bra! and again with looking through clothes. hmmm.
I should look at the past dreams with these themes again and see if I can draw any conclusions.

Another Potty Dream, and Trying on Clothes again.

When I was driving home last night I had a thought. I never dream about romance. I never dream about my husband or any mystery man in a romantic way. (Sure I have sex dream, but not romantic ones.) I was thinking about fairy tales and what we think of as "dreams".  I wondered how many people actually dream those type of dreams... or if that is limited to 'day dreams'.  ???

Anyway, no exception to the rule I had two completely non-romantic dreams last night.

The first centered around poop. (I think it came from our talk last night... trying to unload crap in our thinking.)

In the dream I was sitting around with a group of women (just like I really was last night) and we were in a restaurant that hadn't opened yet. It was a large ball room and the tables and chairs were not set up yet. I sat on a barrel that looked like a red trashcan/stool. Other people had different stools and chairs. (The chair I sat on last night was red too.) We were talking, and I began to poo. No one knew I was, and my butt covered the opening of the trashcan perfectly, so no smell was escaping. (Gross, I know). 

Anyway, a lady came in and said we had to leave cause they were going to open the restaurant. Guys came in and started setting up tables and a dinner party filed in. I was terrified over what to do with my poop. I held the trashcan to my butt as I stood up and walked out of the room.

The scene changed and I went directly into a men's locker room. There were athletes changing, and I walked right past them into a bathroom stall where I dumped the poop. I realized I had to go more, but didn't want to go in the men's room. I walked around to at least four different bathrooms looking for a place to go. The ones in the men's locker room had names like "armpit", and other names that made you think of stink.  I found my way to the ladies side and looked in their bathrooms. I finally settled on one that reminded me of an old dream I had in an Indian bath house type setting (if those exist). I walked up to one that was in a gazebo and two friends were close by. I sat down and listened to them talk. Each one had a story of a move, or something falling through.  My friend Kelly (from years ago) was saying she wasn't going to be able to move to Hawaii... along with other things.

That was the end of that one.

The second dream took place in what was suppose to be Roy and Gracia's house (the house I lived in during my freshman year of college when I was pregnant with my daughter.) Gracia was away, or in another room and I was all alone watching a movie. There were snacks set out for me and a giant glass vase on the table.  The vase fell (didn't break) and spilled potpourri all over the floor. I was about to clean it up when Gracia came out. I don't remember what she said, but she was upset with me and I walked away to my room where my mom was waiting for me to try on some clothes.  (Last night my friend Rebecca gave me some hand-me-down pants to try on). In the dream I was trying on what Rebecca had given me, but they were skirts not pants. They were all long thin dirndl skirts. I tried on the red one. Then I tried on one that had a long high waist  up to my boobs. It was white and had a layer of lace over top. The skirt portion was long and thin again, and I was surprised that it looked good on me. My mom was just standing by and handing things too me, and puffing my blouse out the top.

That was the extent of the dream.

At our group last night we talked about parts of ourselves we'd like to overcome, things that we're insecure about and what we could do about those things. My dream from last night was brought up... the one about the bustier. I find it interesting that in last night's dream, I am again trying on lace... with my mom... and this time it fit. 

The significance of Gracia goes back to the root of my over eating. That was when I got fat for the first time. "You were pregnant", you may say... Yes, but they ate out at nearly every meal (which I was not use to), and I gained FAR more than what you are suppose to while pregnant. It was a VERY low time for me, away from family and going through adoption counseling against my will. Eating became a very acceptable way of dealing with my pain. I had never really thought of their house as being the birth place of that issue in my life... but it certainly was.

I think the giant glass vase speaks of the frailty of beauty. My vase did not break, but there in that house, it was knocked over, and I never got to clean it up.

Dreaming about other people

Well, I'm happy to say that most of my dreams were good last night. Yay!

I had three that I can remember.

The first began in a class room. A boy named Lee from my 5th grade class had started a rumor about me. I don't remember what the rumor was, or even if it was mentioned in the dream; it was simply known that he had started one. I was searching for a seat, weighing my options. I sat towards the front in a desk just like the ones in elementary school. Partially through the class I got up and moved to a cluster of friends. Among the friends was my best friend from college: Ramin. He was sitting with 3-4 other people with their desks all pushed up next to each other creating a table. I knew the people, but I can't remember who they were. As soon as our desks were all together an Indian feast was served to us. There were at least 6 dishes served, family style. I picked up each and took two of most things and passed them on. One dish looked like fried firecrackers. It was rolled up like an egg roll but only 1 1/2 long and with colorful tassels poking out one end. Another dish was very large raviolis. There were also dates and raisins that dripped with honey and when I put them on my plate I watched the honey drizzle from the spoon folding itself in a golden ribbon. It was mesmerizing. There was naan bread and other things that I don't know the name of that I've had at the Indian restaurant in town. ...and that was the extent of the dream.

The next dream was simply about my old pastor's wife moving to an older section of town. The section of town she moved to is closer to the church, and to one of her close friends. The house had a pool and she had invited some women over. The only thing that I did in the dream was ponder why she had moved. The reasons I gave (about being closer, and near her friend) are the only ones I came up with.

The last dream was the only disturbing one of the night.

I went to visit my friend Paige. (Which I haven't done in a VERY long time, even though she lives in the same town.) My husband went with me. We were mainly there to see her baby. (This is how long I haven't been to her house... Last time I was there Lily was a baby, now I think she's 5.) In the dream Lily was less than a year old. I was playing with her, taking her hat off and on, off and on. She wanted it on, but was laughing at the game we had devised.  There were happy smiles all around, and then the men left the room and Paige started talking to me about marriage. I don't remember what she said about it, all I know is that I started  listing off friends, in my head, that are in bad marriages. What is interesting is that I listed a couple that aren't in bad marriages. One being a very good friend of mine who never complains about her husband. In the dream  I could see her confession unfold in front of me, like I was there, in her bed room. She explained to me that she had cheated on her husband. It had only been one night  at a party of some sort. I cried as she told me, trying to understand how she could do such a thing. After the thought finished, I was back talking to Paige, and thinking of other bad marriages.

That was the end of the dream.

I don't have any ideas about  what the dreams mean... if anything. But I'll connect with the key players in the dreams and make sure all is well.

:-)

It's hard to know when you dream about other people, if the dream is really about them, or about something they represent in your life, or what.

Fire Frustration

Yesterday I went to see "How To Train Your Dragon" with my son; it was a very good movie. 

It showed up in the atmosphere of my dream...  I even threw in one of the previews... a new animated owl movie.

In my dream I was making a fire. The fire was in an old looking fireplace meant for cooking, like something you'd see in the movie last night. I was going to put a pot over it  to cook a recipe I wanted. I also had another pot in the kitchen (old timey as well). The fire roared and puffed with thick black smoke. It was raging and I was thinking it was burning the wood too quickly. I started to cry, "Mom!... Mom!"  I called... crying for my mom to come help me. I was asking her how to do it. I was asking for the recipe, and how to tame the fire. I was balling, crying out for her to come help. The fire was dying quickly. It was down to coals and I hadn't even gotten the pot over it. I was crying and frustrated that I would not get my dish cooked. Finally I walked away from the fire and over to my mom, begging for her help. She commented on my whiny attitude and said she wouldn't help me if that's how I was going to act. I walked away to look for the recipe book myself. I walked past the fire and the pot in the kitchen to the outside (it was the house I had lived in when I was 17). I walked over to an old chest in a tent. (The scene was very similar to the town in the movie last night.) I was looking for the book "Owl at Home" (it's a children's book that I have from when my kids were little. There is a chapter in it on tear soup.) In my dream the recipe I was looking for was a saffron chicken and in the kitchen I was doing potatoes. I searched for the book and then thought, "wait, I know how to make that." I thought through the steps and started walking back to the fire wondering if it would still be hot.

The End

Do you ever have times when you get fired up about something but you don't know what to do with your passion. You have an idea, but you don't think you have what it takes to complete your idea, or to do it well? Your fire is burning fast and while you're calling frantically for help, thinking that you are incapable... it dies down.

I feel like that's what has happened to me over and over again with my projects. I get all fired up, I know what I want to do, (sometimes I feel capable, and sometimes I feel inadequate.) I especially feel this in my 'health' issues. I pray for help, frantically, not even imagining that I can do it myself. 

In other projects like my art, I often tell myself that if I just didn't have kids around to distract my focus that I would get it all done. I know that's not true, cause even while they are at school I get sidetracked with other friends and other non-project things. I have to think, though, that this is a relational life, I can't give up relationships to do projects. So my internal struggle is over which is "important" today. What should I be doing? My projects... and which one? Or helping a friend? Or just being with a friend? 

Please God, order my time, and help my fire not to fade while I'm floundering.

Times (numbers) in dreams

In the very beginning of my dream last night I was in a public rest room. It was all women and I had to go, but could not find an empty stall. Outside of the stalls there were beauty treatments going on and mud baths and such. I waited for a long time for someone to come out. When I finally got in one of the stalls I realized it was connected to the other two beside it, no walls, only the wall that separated them from the 'beauty area'. I didn't like that. I don't even remember ever actually going past that point, though I know I looked in various other stalls to find a suitable one. That dream ended (or morphed) and this one started...

I was on a school trip of some sort. We stopped at a convenience store to get some snacks. I was looking at bags of Japanese snacks that one of the boys said he liked and that they didn't have any... but I found them. It had a pink wrapper. There was a mini Arbys in the store and one of the nerds from my high school came over and asked if I wanted a sandwich. I said yes and he went to get me one. He came back shortly after, needing some money. The Arby's part of the store closed at 12:30 and it was just about to close (even though it was lunch time). The lady at the Arby's counter also came over and I had to figure out if he had ordered me a sandwich, fries and a drink or just the sandwich cause it was seeming a little expensive. I payed her and we went back outside. It wasn't like a parking lot anymore, it was more like a quad at a school and it led to a class room where some students were watching a film about the earth shifting. I sat down next to my ex boyfriend and started to lean into him. The nerd who had bought me the sandwich (kind of) got a little frustrated. I started talking to my ex about the end of the world. He didn't believe me. The video they were watching was showing that just in the past couple of days the earth's surface had moved many miles. We hadn't felt it. But the satellite camera had taken pictures and we were at that moment watching a part of the video that showed a harbor town with lots of personal boats all moving at once up and over what seemed to be a few miles. I asked if he believed me now. Then that part of the dream faded. 

In the next part I was at my house from when I was 8. I was with my family (mainly my mom and my Aunt Debbie) in the living room watching a movie. I had prom that night and was suppose to be there at 7. I had to car pool with some friends and I was going to pick them up at 6:30. I had not started to get ready at all. It was 6:25 when I realized what time it was. My mom and aunt had not let me look at the time... like they had me watching the movie to forget... or maybe I fell asleep during the movie??? Anyway I jumped up and they protested a little. I explained to them the time and that I had to go get ready. I went to put on my dress and when I got in front of the mirror to do my make-up I had what looked like sun burn blister-bubbles all over my face and chest and shoulders. It was horrible. But I didn't freak out as much as you would think. Instead, I started explaining them to the nerd that had been in the beginning of the dream.

And that was the end.

We've already talked about "potty dreams" in a different post, so I won't go back into that, just sufficed to say that this bathroom was dirty and unappealing, open and unsafe... not the place you want to be sharing your 'stuff'.

As for the convenience store part of the dream.  This is the third (I think) convenience store in my dreams over the past week or so... after possibly a life time of never dreaming of such places, so that in itself makes it interesting. Last time the convenience store was the place I went looking for help about the stolen swell sister car... with no luck. Another time recently I was stopping to get gas and some quick food with my dad, the place ended up repulsing me.

So here I am again in a fast food /convenience /gas station type place and things are not going so well. Convenient is not always the best choice... or should I say, hardly ever is. That goes for food as well as for life lessons.

This time there is a time involved. It is not typical for me to have so many numbers in a dream, or to remember them. In this dream they were all times: Closing time, starting time, time to go, 'oops I'm late' time. 

It seems to me that this being a dream that dealt a lot with time and even the end of the world that  the convenience store closing could have to do with the end of conveniences.  It could be for me personally, as I am trying to be healthier, or it could be grander than that. 

I'm not going to jump to any rash conclusions... this is just what jumps out to me (and of course what I've been studying for the past year now). 12:30 looks a lot like half way through the year '12... which is about the time I think 'conveniences' will end, due to the mass amounts of natural disasters up until that point. 

The dream moves directly from that 'closing time' to watching a video about a major shift in the earth (something predicted by many to happen in 2012). I am trying to convince someone I care deeply about. (I still care very much about my first love, just not in a romantic way. Plus I tend to dream of Shane when it has to do with matters of the religion, because we debate about it nearly every time we talk; him being Catholic and me being Protestant.) The nerd I mentioned in the dream (isn't a nerd anymore) and he is agnostic. I don't typically talk to him about religion at all, but my best friend does.

Prom (probably dreamed of because the Swell Sister's 2nd anniversary this weekend was an 80's Prom theme) being at 7:00, speaks to me of completion and the party at the end of the world. The seventh year, the beginning of the Thousand Year Reign of Christ. (Or for a shallower interpretation... that is the time that our Prom started, but we were suppose to be there at 6:30 to set up... I was 5 minutes late.)

Movies and I have a love/hate relationship. I love good movies, but I use them as an escape. Movies are the one thing that I will waste my time doing. I am getting better, but I relapse often. There are numerous things that I need to "get ready" for... things about my end times ministry... things that hopefully will "pick up my friends and bring them to Prom", but I get side tracked with things as stupid as movies. I pray that I am not "late"! 

I imagine that the blisters on my face, neck, shoulders, and chest were just another end time plague (Rev 16:2) that I was trying to explain to my non-believing friend. In the dream they were just like a sun burn to me, not painful at all, just blisters of air, like before you start peeling. I know this is NOT how they are described at all in the bible, but if we're being biblical about it, only those with the mark of the beast will have them in the first place. Perhaps it refers to the part that says we'll be scorched by the sun? (Rev 16:9).

Hmmmm.  Just a thought.

Trains... no planes... no automobiles

A few more disturbing dreams.

First one:

I'm driving a train along open, sometimes cavernous, terrain. (at least I think I'm driving; I guess I could have been poking my head out of a back area.)  There is another train and driver in front of me (or if I'm wrong, it's the real driver of my train). The driver of the first train is crazy. He's a skinny mountain man like you'd picture from the gold rush of 49. He seems intent on crashing.  At the finally of the dream a rocking horse/boulder is sliding on a cable directly to the left of the on coming train. I'm watching, thinking, "It's going to hit!" And the Gold miner dude is watching it and getting excited, "wahoo!". On impact, I woke up.

Second one:

I'm in a large store like Macys with my friends (my BF from High School, and three more from now-a-days).

We're looking at cosmetics and there's a serum that says it smooths out your thighs. It's in a tiny vial and very expensive. Everybody says to walk away, but I'm interested. I watch a small demo of the product (I guess on a screen). It shows John Cougar's model wife (don't remember her name) rubbing the cream... that now looks like foundation, over her butt and thighs with multiple tattoos, making them all disappear. I think,"well, shoot, it's only good for one use. Once you get in the water, that's gone." Then I wonder what it actually does for cellulite etc. cause she doesn't have any to start with. On the demo, her butt and legs(which is all you see now) turn into an old lady's butt and legs... naked. She's laying on her belly and slowly her legs disappear and her butt starts to look like the butt of a turkey before it's cooked... but wrinkly.

I walk away. My friends and I all go out to a train station. We are waiting a long time for the train and we all have lots of bags. I start to day dream about something and actually doze off. Minutes later my friends are calling for me from the train which is about half a block down the road on the platform.  I rush to gather the small amount of stuff they've left for me to carry. (A hat box with some socks and shoes, and other pieces of laundry.) I start running and the train starts up. Still running and the train starts moving. "Oh NO!" I start taking huge (supernatural) steps and catch up with the front of the train... which is more like a subway train. I plaster myself to the train and try to scoot around the right side to get to the doors. The conductor puts her head out and says my name with alarm. She opens a door for me and (after dropping most of what I had) I get in.

..and that was the end.

Third one: 

Was at my 6th grade house with my family and my Pawpaw (granddad on my dad's side). I started in my parent's room and then went through our swinging doors to the kitchen to look for food. Pawpaw came too and was looking for food as well.

That's about all I remember about that.

My Weight Journey

In last night's dream I was driving a car trying to get home. I was in college and going to my parent's house. (Part of the time that I was in college I lived with an older couple.) In the dream I was behind their car.  As I was driving (on the freeway) and my steering wheel stopped working and my brakes weren't working either. There was a small up-down, left-right control switchy thing on the dash board, so I started using it. (It was like a video game, where multiple fast small taps to the right were better than just holding it down.) I was supposed to go one way to my parent's house, but I didn't know completely how to get there, and now that my controls were out I thought it would be better to follow the old couple. I followed them until I was severely lost, and then we came to a bridge. I was so scared that I wouldn't have enough control, and that I'd drive off the edge. So I jumped out of the car. 

All of a sudden I was hanging off a drawbridge for dear life. (On the left side, on a rail)

A very large girl (I think Ashley from the biggest looser) came to help me. I held one hand on the rail, and reached up to her hand with the other. I couldn't quite reach her, so I repositioned and bumped up to the next rung. She grabbed my hand and pulled me up. Then as I was standing with the old couple a few feet away, she showed off by jumping down to the side of the rail and hanging by one arm and one leg. We all told her to get up and stop playing around. I walked to a rest area/ border patrol type place on the side of the road. (Don't really remember the walk, or where it was exactly.) But I was sitting on a wooden bench that was more like a wooden bunk bed. There was a top bunk and a bottom bench, and a bench that protruded from the bottom off in an L-shape. My mom was there, like signing me out, and my son was with her. As I waited alone outside on the bench a creature started swirling around me in mid air. It was a very short red snake. The head was like a cobra and the whole short body was fat. His head stayed up and the tail wiggled around like a slow propeller to help him glide in the air. I was very scared of him but he seemed to be friendly, never trying to attack, just 'smelling' me I guess. He hid under a blanket on the top bunk as my son came out to get me. I wanted to show him the snake that acted almost like a floating puppy. I slightly lifted the blanket for him to look, but then I  pushed him back and said, "Oh no, don't touch it."

There was another part of the dream back at my parent's house with food of some sort, but I don't remember it.

I would like to assume that the brakes and things not working on the car derived from going to see "Date Night" last night...  but...

I'd also like to assume that the snake was merely a representation of my son's animal planet show he watched yesterday about "the Creatures from the Bible", in which they had the serpent with legs, the leviathan, the behemoth, and even cherubim and other angelic creatures.

But, one cannot always assume that dreams are merely a jumble of things from the day before. Even if you use things from the day before, there may still be a message in it.

I made a commitment last night to start doing my Wii Fit again, and to going to water aerobics a couple times a week. So I know that loosing weight is heavily on my mind. (My husband has reached his goal, so it stares  me in the face every day.  Don't get me wrong, I love staring at him, but it highlights the fact that I am still miles away from my goal.)

I had a bunk bed when I was little. I slept on the bottom and my sister slept on the top. She would often scare me from the top bunk while we were trying to go to sleep. I was also very afraid of the flower people that I had imagined from the flower print on her mattress that I stared at at night. I have no doubt that demons love to scare children, and they know that their imaginations will help. Even if the snake in my dream is from yesterday's show (which I did not see... just got the run down from my son at bed time,) then it's perfectly safe to assume that it represents Satan anyway, because he is the serpent in the Bible. (I rarely ever dream of snakes, but when I do, they always represent lies. Satan is the father of lies.)

I tend to view this dream as my journey with my weight. It literally all started when I was living with the older couple my first year of college, when I was pregnant. Getting home was very important to me at that time, but the adoption agency that I was being counseled by didn't want me to have much contact with "influential parties". So I didn't go home, and I wasn't allowed to see my boyfriend. (Stupid really, because I just got more attached to the baby in my belly.. and far less likely to give her up for adoption.) 

Anyway, I got fat, (not just pregnant fat). Now-a-days I watch The Biggest Looser as a motivation of sorts. (I fast forward quite a bit. But I love the results, and I love seeing them change.) So Ashley being in my dream fits with pulling me up from hanging off the edge. The snake and the bunk bed, I think, are very old lies that I have believed for most of my life. Things that hold me back in this and other journeys. My son, being overweight as well is believing the same lies. I even showed them to him. I introduced him. I may have said, "Don't touch," but when it all comes down to it, I led him straight down my own path.

Uggg. Please God, let this be the end! I need help.

"Turkey Legs"

After all the commotion of the night before, I guess last night was a break.

I just had a few simple "nothin" dreams.

One was making turkey with my friend Lisa. (She has a special El-Salvadorian turkey recipe...  so good.) We were making legs only and the capers and olives were being discussed. We were freezing some and serving some.  

Who knows if that was about anything at all.  ?

...sadly, I am drawing a blank on the two other dreams.  I have really got to start using my recorder! Or writing before I drop of my son at school. It's always the drive that erases them from my memory.

"Sorting Through It"

Last night's dream was one of those where you go... hmmmm, I think I'll skip on posting that one.

But, I promised myself I wouldn't do that, so here goes...

I went to a classroom setting. The space was white and airy like there were no walls, just a blank ongoing stage.

It was test time and I did not have a pencil. I asked Tyler (my pastor's 20something year old son) for a pencil. Once I got the pencil waiters and waitresses started bringing out trays with bite sized desserts on them. There was baklava, cream puffs, tarts...stuff like that.  I took as many as I could hold in my hand.

Then I had to pee. I walked into a hallway and met up with a friend. Once I found the bathroom I was alone and went in and locked the door. I sat on the toilet and noticed another potty on the opposite side of the room. This one was like a tub with a toilet built in; kinda like a porcelain one person hot tub, with the bucket seat and everything. I went over and sat in it instead.  After peeing I felt like I needed to poo too. 

(Now before I get to the part I didn't want to post, let me give you the meaning first.  This isn't a meaning from my own imagination; I've read it in three different dream interpretation books by three different authors, and it just seems to be accurate based on my own dream analysis.

When you dream of going to the bathroom it's often about getting rid of waste. It's not abnormal to even dream of examining said waste. It's about sorting through your $#!* for lack of a better description.

OK, now we can go back to the dream.)

As the 'poo urge' came over me... I couldn't do it. So I barely touched my butt and it starts to immediately produce a few specimens.  They present themselves in front of me as if to say, "Look at me."

...and I'm happy to say, that was the end of the dream.

Interpretation: I started counseling on Thursday. I have not been for myself in years. My counselor told me to start journaling. She told me I was like Saul hiding in the baggage. (Bible story about when Saul was called to be king, but he was scared and hid.)  Going to counseling... starting to journal... It requires looking at your $#!*. I am happy to be doing it... I know it will benefit me, but I still hesitate to jump in to some areas. So the brief "constipation" speaks to that, and the "tub" speaks to a cleansing that takes place when you get rid of waste. I personally like the fact that the tub was hot-tub-ish and comfy; perhaps that speaks to my process not being uncomfortable, and after a short hesitation, the "eliminating" will come easy.  

As for the classroom, it seems fairly obvious that I'm unprepared for the tests that are facing me right now; That's why I'm going to counseling. (I wonder why I asked Tyler for the pencil. What does he represent? What tool does he have that would help me in my test?)

And the desserts are quite literally one of my typical escapes from taking the tests.

So, sorry if I grossed you out, and I'm sorry in advance for future poop dreams. ;-)