The River to Heaven

Before bed my daughter showed us a YouTube testimony of the man who spoke at the event she was at last night. He shared of his near death/actual death experience in which he was in a "river" on the way to hell. When he came back to life he was a changed man and has been prechin' about it ever since.
With that in my mind, and with various other people from my morning at church swirling around in my head, this is the dream I had:

I was in a kitchen with several people from church, and my mom. Jada (a little girl at my church)was running around the kitchen island and I was brushing the crumbs from the party onto the floor so that I could sweep them up. After I swept the kitchen (around people's feet) I took Jada and her brothers down stairs where the laundry room was. Through a window we could see a huge tidal wave coming. I told the kids that we should get back up stairs to their mommy quick! We all ran up the stairs and just as we were coming through the door at the top of the stairs, the wave hit. Instantly we were all gone, no pain, no turmoil of the wave, nothing, just all of a sudden floating down this vast river. There was water as far as I could see on either side of me. I couldn't see anyone else and I wondered if I was dead, or just in the sea after the wave. Then a light came over the horizon in front of me and flooded my vision with it's reflection on the water's surface. I was overcome with the biggest smile of my life. Then I saw a rope stretched across the expanse of the sea with square flags every few feet that had pictures of Disney princesses on them. I saw Belle on a flag that also had my name written on it. It said "Ms. Mikie Spencer" right above the bust of Belle in her yellow ball gown. (Belle is "my" princess. She is the one I look most like, and was a nickname that my ex had for me.) I passed directly under the flag of Belle and on down the river/sea. Then there was another rope with the same flags across it... and in the distance, another, and another. I had no control over the pattern that I was floating in and I was going faster and faster down the river, but I always passed directly under the Belle flag with my name on it. I got all giddy thinking about how perfect the aim of my floating was. I knew that God was guiding me. I also knew that this was the river to Heaven and that each princess picture represented another person. I could never see the end of the water to either side, and the flags were every couple of feet all the way across the water.
I woke up briefly and rolled over.
When I fell back asleep my dream had changed and I was going around asking people I knew who their favorite princess was. I was looking back in my memory to remember if I saw that princess on the rope or not.

I know there are not as many Disney princesses as there are girls going to Heaven, (in my second dream two people answered "Hermione" when I asked them who their princess was,) but this is dream language, not reality. It's obvious to me that my mind needed to think of princesses and that's all it had to pull from. They needed to be personal, and I can't think of one woman I know who doesn't have a "personal" princess. I know my daughter's princess is Sleeping Beauty. I have two friends who claim Snow White. Who do you claim?

The dream was very satisfying. The happiness (both with my smile and my giddiness) was overwhelming, but peaceful at the same time. I love dreams like that!

Laundry and Teeth

Last night's dream stared me and my mom.
I was doing laundry... putting clothes in a very deep washing machine. Then I went to my mom's room and was looking for clothes to pack to go to summer camp. She opened a lower drawer for me and I started digging through it. I pulled out one shirt that I thought was something I wanted, then as I unfolded it, it became my son's Perry the Platypus T-shirt. Again I reached in the drawer and pulled out an article of clothing that ended up being my son's underwear. I pulled out one more thing of my son's and complained to my mom that these things aren't mine, they are his.

That was the extent of the dream.
As for interpretation... With me clothing dreams have to do with my weight and what track I'm on concerning my body. This specific dream equates me with my son. I started a diet this week... the same diet that I did this summer while my son was at a weight loss summer camp. I am mentally preparing myself for the journey ahead. It was so much easier when no kids were home this summer, but I won't have that this summer, so I'm going ahead and doing it now. The deep washing machine tells me that there is a lot of "cleansing" to do, and the lower drawer tells me that I'm at the bottom of this thing.

Saturday night I had another interesting dream. The night itself was interesting because I was dog sitting three dogs that were not mine. Two of them are chiweenie puppies, the same age as my Lhasa apso puppy. Very "needy" pups. Because I am such a push over I slept with all three of the other dogs and my own puppy. First on the couch, then up in the guest room. Every time I would move they would all wake up and re-arrange themselves. It was a long night to say the least!
Anyway I think the dream spoke of my situation as well as me being a push-over in general, and my indecision... or more pointedly, my inability to stick to decisions... to stand up to others, or even dogs for that matter.

The dream started with my sister and I walking to a camp site. (My sister, though I have no right to blame her any further, is the root of where I got my "door mat" status. She's a year older than me and was my boss and my mouth piece all through childhood.) We got to the area that we thought should be camp and there was a parking garage. We went up some cement stairs that were enclosed just like in a normal parking garage. As we looked we started to hear voices. It was my dad along with the rest of the youth group for camp. (My dad was a youth pastor for much of my childhood.) We scurried back down the stairs to meet them. There was a discussion that I didn't hear and my sister came to me and said, "they don't have room for everyone in the nice cabins. You and I should take one of the bad ones."
Well, I didn't want to take a bad one, but I didn't say anything. Then June (a lady from my church who is famous for her hugs) came up to me and hugged me and whispered in my ear, "You don't deserve a bad room, you should have a nice one."
I looked at my dad who was talking to the group and noticed that his teeth were brown and that they were fanned out on the top row like the old cartoon drawings of hillbillies. I saw that he had a cup of coffee in his hand. "You should rinse your mouth ofter you drink coffee Dad," I said. (Our dentist just told my daughter the same thing about soda last week... that's where that's from.) Then out of nowhere my grandmother (Dad's mom) appears and walks up to my dad and pulls out one of his teeth. The tooth she pulled came from the canine area, but it looked like a molar. My dad protested and then he pulled out his entire top row of teeth all at once on a metal grid. The teeth were large and each wrapped with metal that strung them all together. He was pointing out the spot that the one she had pulled came from, and arguing with her. Then I woke up.

As I said, I think that night, feeling very "trampled on", both figuratively, and literally, this dream speaks to being pushed around and being indecisive. My dad is the same way. Also, loosing teeth in dreams usually has to do with not being about to deal with things. (lost Incisors = indecision, lost molars = inability to "chew on things") That's John Paul Jackson's theory, not mine... But it seems to hold true in my dreams. Perhaps the image of my dad with terrible teeth is a symbolic warning of sorts to what lies ahead of me if I don't get this thing under control.

Who am I?

Tis the week of disturbing dreams, I have decided.

Last night's started with my daughter and I going to her first 'female exam'. It was in a college class room on a table. The room was very large and upstairs. The table was near a window. There were a total of three doctors, each came in one at a time. They were going to fill her "cavity" with some sort of mold making plaster substance. (I think this strange concept came from my husband's inner ear sound system molds that arrived yesterday.)  When the last Dr. came in he wanted to shave her and give her a "wig" made of the hair on her head... which was red in the dream. I told him not to shave her completely, explaining to him and her that it would itch like crazy when the hair grew back in.  He left the room and we escaped. We went down a corridor and some stairs and ended up at my home from my late teens ;(the home that my daughter was born at).

While we were there my dad was talking to me about laundry and a trip. I went outside and sat on the driveway with my two dogs: one from then, and one from now. Back then I had a small Cocker Spaniel mix, and now I have an American Stoffordshire Terrier, so they were quite opposite sitting out there with me. A lady with a stroller walked by and my small dog walked over to see her. 

My parents came out and said it was time for our trip, so I put the dogs away and we got into a van. I sat in the back of the van. We drove to the snow to go skiing. There were a few of us that didn't have socks, so when we reached to snow we had to stop and buy some. I already had on my ski boots when we got out of the van to go in the store. I feel on my butt directly out of the van in some ice, and again inside the store. The whole time I was walking to the store and even inside for part of the time I was texting my daughter's ex-boyfriend, Nick. The store was open on one side like it had multiple garage doors that were all opened that day. It was a packed store and very "costco"-ish. After I looked at a few things I made my way to some metal steps by the street and sat down. I feel asleep. Water rising up to my feet woke me up. I was a little girl, like maybe 6 or 7. I knew I had left my younger sister on another step, so even though I heard my dad calling me, I went back into a tower of sorts that had another metal stairway going down the center to get my sister. She too was down in some water as I pulled her up and we climbed the stairs together. She was blonde and about 4. (My daughter was blonde when she was 4.   hmmm.)

And that was the end of the dream.

Aside from the inner ear molds, there is nothing about this dream that resembles anything from the past few weeks, so it is most definitely not just a compilation of my thoughts.

I'm not sure I want to find out what it all means. 

For reoccurring themes... there's the laundry... and that's about it. hmmmmm. Again, I have to wonder if I was me the whole time, or if while I was texting Nick, was I my daughter? 

Anyway, I'll think about it. For now, I have to go get my kids to school.

Trains... no planes... no automobiles

A few more disturbing dreams.

First one:

I'm driving a train along open, sometimes cavernous, terrain. (at least I think I'm driving; I guess I could have been poking my head out of a back area.)  There is another train and driver in front of me (or if I'm wrong, it's the real driver of my train). The driver of the first train is crazy. He's a skinny mountain man like you'd picture from the gold rush of 49. He seems intent on crashing.  At the finally of the dream a rocking horse/boulder is sliding on a cable directly to the left of the on coming train. I'm watching, thinking, "It's going to hit!" And the Gold miner dude is watching it and getting excited, "wahoo!". On impact, I woke up.

Second one:

I'm in a large store like Macys with my friends (my BF from High School, and three more from now-a-days).

We're looking at cosmetics and there's a serum that says it smooths out your thighs. It's in a tiny vial and very expensive. Everybody says to walk away, but I'm interested. I watch a small demo of the product (I guess on a screen). It shows John Cougar's model wife (don't remember her name) rubbing the cream... that now looks like foundation, over her butt and thighs with multiple tattoos, making them all disappear. I think,"well, shoot, it's only good for one use. Once you get in the water, that's gone." Then I wonder what it actually does for cellulite etc. cause she doesn't have any to start with. On the demo, her butt and legs(which is all you see now) turn into an old lady's butt and legs... naked. She's laying on her belly and slowly her legs disappear and her butt starts to look like the butt of a turkey before it's cooked... but wrinkly.

I walk away. My friends and I all go out to a train station. We are waiting a long time for the train and we all have lots of bags. I start to day dream about something and actually doze off. Minutes later my friends are calling for me from the train which is about half a block down the road on the platform.  I rush to gather the small amount of stuff they've left for me to carry. (A hat box with some socks and shoes, and other pieces of laundry.) I start running and the train starts up. Still running and the train starts moving. "Oh NO!" I start taking huge (supernatural) steps and catch up with the front of the train... which is more like a subway train. I plaster myself to the train and try to scoot around the right side to get to the doors. The conductor puts her head out and says my name with alarm. She opens a door for me and (after dropping most of what I had) I get in.

..and that was the end.

Third one: 

Was at my 6th grade house with my family and my Pawpaw (granddad on my dad's side). I started in my parent's room and then went through our swinging doors to the kitchen to look for food. Pawpaw came too and was looking for food as well.

That's about all I remember about that.

"Laundry and Frozen Dinosaurs"

In last night's dream I was at my friend Kim's house. It wasn't really her house, but it was.

(They recently moved to their third house since I've known her.) The house in the dream was a little bit of some of her houses and a little bit of the house I was in when I met her. (I've been in three houses in that time frame too.)

At first, I was outside doing laundry. There was a clothes line, and a shed that held the washing machine and dryer. The back yard was very pretty, like a country garden. (It reminded me of a friend's back yard in Alabama.) I saw a kitten playing a few yards away, and noticed that he was playing with a baby fox. (It was like The Fox and the Hound, only a cat instead of a dog.) They scampered off through the bushes by a white fence. I thought it was a little strange to see a fox and kitten playing, but I went right back to the laundry.

I was picking up piles and piles of clean clothes to take inside to fold. I kept dropping pieces and getting frustrated. (There was even a pile of men's button up shirts already on hangers.)

I got an arm load inside and sat on the floor by the TV to fold. A Shirley Temple movie was on. She was saying, "I sing good. People like my voice, but it's my face that gets me all the parts." (odd, I know.)

As I was watching her, I realized that the movies were late. They were due back at Blockbuster the day before. (For real, Blockbuster went back to charging an over-due fee, and I had 'late movies' just a few days ago. I'm switching back to netflix.) The movies that were late in real life flashed through my mind, as did some other random cartoon movie and this Shirley Temple thing I was watching.

I got up to take them to the store. I never actually went though. I ended up in the kitchen looking for a snack. I was looking through multiple leftovers when Kim came in. She pointed out a little scene in the door shelf of the freezer that Lauren (her daughter) had made. "Can you tell what they are?" she asked. "Yeah, they are dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets," I said. The scene was made of salad and shredded carrots for grass, and frozen (all crystally white) dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets. 

...and that was the extent of the dream.

I'd love to sit and ponder the meaning with you, but I have to go to counseling in a few minutes, so "Ciao."

"Chorus Girls, Teeth, and Packing"

Three again last night:

One involved girl celebrities (Katie Holmes, Nancy McKeon, Madonna, and Nicole Kidman, that I can remember) dressed as chorus line girls. I was with them... dressed the part as well. There was a red rope and a line.  I was down on the floor part of the time, during some sort of emergency. Nancy McKeon was the only one talking to me, instructing me during the emergency. An army or some sort of crowd had rushed in to the square where we were.

The second dream involved my best friend from college, Ramin, examining my teeth. He had one of those mirrors that dentists use and was looking at all of my teeth. Them being in great shape somehow told him that I was being good, and that I was an OK person. I think I was in a bus.

The third dream involved packing. I was at some sort of camp and I had to go on a mini trip within the camp. My sister and I were sharing a suitcase and I had to re-pack only my things for a day trip, in a smaller suitcase. I was going through all the pockets and pulling out wads of her dirty clothes. I also went through like 6 different PJs. One had teddy bears and rainbows. One was dark blue with other tropical colors and buttons down the front with a lapel and everything. One was pastel with some other childish print made of T-shirt jersey.

The amount of PJs stood out to me. I had picked two that I wanted to take with me and was still looking through the others as if I would pick more. But then it dawned on me that I only needed one pair, for one night. I then wondered why we had so many pairs in the first place.

All I can say as to where the dreams came from is that I was shopping yesterday trying to find some PJs. (I didn't find any.) I talked to my sister yesterday... about her kids and them dressing up.

One of my teeth (that had a small veneer just at the top by the gums) chipped off a couple days ago, and has been making me think that I don't like fake crap on my teeth that may come off and cause more hours in the dentist chair. (I don't like dentist visits!)

Anyway, If I was going to get all philosophical about it, I'd mention that I've been wondering about Ramin and his faith. If he is dealing with his Muslim roots, if he's gotten further in or out of that... and also if he has been thinking further about our differences or if he still thinks of me as a good person. (He's liberal, I'm conservative. He's Muslim, I'm Christian. He's gay, I'm straight.... The list goes on. But he is in my top 3 favorite people in the whole world.) I haven't spoken to him in almost a year. (minus via computer.)

I could also go philosophical with the suitcases and mention that my counselor (who I go see tomorrow) told me to journal and to think of myself as Saul hiding in the luggage; I have been called to great things, but I'm stuck in the baggage. When I go through my history and my "baggage" it often brings up my sister and all that her domination over me contributed to my "issues". I need to take out her "dirty clothes" so to speak, and pack my own suitcase; not giving her any more power. She has no power over me anymore; she doesn't even want it. That was literally years and years ago. But my "mold" has not been broken.