"A Swell Space" and "He's Driving Again"

Two dreams last night.
One was with my Swell Sisters (my art society). We were in a very cool house with very large and open rooms; completely furnished in a nice way, with nothing lacking.
We were working on an art project that involved beads and old jewelry. One sister (Alyson) was looking for all the pearls, because her piece was going to be made of pearls. (I had just been thinking of pearls at my mom's house this weekend because of her strand hanging near the mirror.) (Pearls, as you know are symbolic of long suffering, and are also not to be shared with "pigs". :-))
We all handed Alyson our pearls... some small some normal "pearl size". We worked on our projects and I looked around the room taking in all the features.
Then Michael Gorman showed up to tell us our time was over and we had to clean up. (Michael is another local artist who hosts life drawing sessions that some of us have been to.) In the dream he was leasing the space to us. It was his place. It wasn't bad that we were having to clean up or anything, and he was a very gracious land lord. We mentioned being back soon, and that was the end of the dream.

The next dream began with my son driving again. (Perhaps I'm thinking of this because of how he doesn't like my daughter's driving now that she is old enough.)(Or it's just another dream about him running the show.) He was driving with my dad and I in the car and we were heading for his class. The class was hard to find and we had to go up a side of a mountain and then back down again through an Italian looking village. He was taking the corners too fast and I was trying to get him to slow down. Some how my dad was the one in charge of our directions and the fact that we were running late. We finally parked on the side of a steep road aiming down on a curve. We got out and climbed down the hill about 100 feet to a small building that was tucked in the side of the mountain. I opened the door to let my son in. The class was full of kids and I noticed on the clock that we were 23 minutes late. I apologized to his teacher (played by his real teacher), and my dad and I went to wait outside at a cafe table in front of the room. There were two old Italian men sitting at the table next to us and they had small wooden dolls with them.
The dolls were more like Lego or Play Mobile people than what you may think of as a wooden doll. They had a flesh toned block of wood for the body that was carved to resemble a flattened over weight bowling pin about the size of your palm. There were hair pieces and other things that you could attach to the bodies. One could have blonde braids, and another a brunette bubble-flip. Then there were little hats that fit in a divot on the back of the hair. I dressed one to look like a candy striper nurse lady, and another more like a pilgrim. Then one of the old men held a man doll that he put some crazy wooden hair on and lit on fire. The doll did not burn up, instead the flames became part of his paint job and kept flickering. Even the doll's face (which on all the others was blank) started moving and turning evil.
I grabbed my dad and said, "let's get out of here". Then I woke up.

Cleaning

I had two dreams last night... both somewhat disturbing.

One involved an older lady friend of mine, and one involved one of my Swell Sister friends.
The first took place in a gymnasium that had been used for an event. It was full of people the same race as my friend and all men if I remember correctly. They were clearing out of the room and my friend and I were left to clean their mess. (This is probably because we really have been cleaning a man's house this past week who's wife died a couple years ago.) In the dream we had large push brooms and were just sweeping piles of dust and trash. One man said something to my friend and she started crying. I heard the gist of the message and began to weep for her. It was about her husband cheating on her.

The second dream took place in a large warehouse type space full of arts and crafts equipment. My friend and I were all alone in there. It was our space, but it was a shop and class area too. We were cleaning up the pottery area. There were large metal shelves full of bisque-wear. A large industrial sink, and a counter top full of glazes and already painted but not fired bowls etc. The colors were vibrant and looked very tattoo-esk. The paint was still in it's chalky faze, and there was even painting on the floor. On the far side of the room were long tables set up for classes and some book shelves. It looked like an elementary school art room. The area we were standing in looked very warehouse-y though. Both my friend and I were picking things up and putting things where they belonged. I got side tracked with the paintings and how I could still move the 'chalk' around. My friend called me over. I was in a blanket. I think she had a blanket wrapped around her as well. (This is reminiscent of a photo shoot we did last month. Some of the pictures she took of me, I was in a blanket.) At one part in the dream I was naked standing there talking, but then a group of ladies came in the front door. They thought the store was open and wanted to do a project. My friend was upset that they had made it in the door... like the door was supposed to be locked. We both had glaring looks on our faces, and then I woke up.

No time to really ponder things this morning as I am off to help the first friend clean again today.

Sister Frida

I'm not sure if last night's dream was about my real sister, or my swell sisters (the art group I'm in).

I was in a small upper apartment that belonged to my "sister". (Oh, and before that there was something about going up in a parking garage.) Inside the apartment I went to the bathroom, which was open to the master bedroom. As I was sitting there my sister came in talking to some people. I didn't mind the other ladies that came in, but then a man came in and I gave my sister the evil eye, like, "get him outta here!"
There was a wall to my right that blocked him and others from seeing me unless they walked all the way into the room and looked back. I sat in fear that someone would come in far enough and do just that. The man was older and very large, and supposedly my sister's dad. I stayed on the toilet and started reading something I found on a table near by. It was a flier about a Frida Kahlo play. I read (or heard her say) that my sister was going to play 'the best Frida ever'! She was determined. As I thought about this, I could see my sister dressed up like Frida, and the whole thing form in my mind. I was going to play the "floozy". In my mind I saw Ann Jillian playing the part... and that's who I was going to try to be like. (ha!)
I got up and went to the closet. (It looked a lot like my mom's closet from when I was a teenager at VAFB.) A little Hispanic girl was there in the room with me, watching me look through the gowns. I saw multiple princess type dresses, but I was looking for something lounge singer-esk. I finally found a white flapper number that was made of mostly feathers. I started to put it on and noticed, out the window and over a balcony, lots of my sister's friends pulling up for a cast party.
Then I woke up.

Even though the person in my dream was clearly my sister, I think it could be about my swell sisters because they have a Frida Kahlo connection (where my sister does not). #2 this wouldn't be the first dream I've had where my real sister represented them. #3, the father in the dream was "her" father but not mine. He was very Diego Rivera-esk too, which would point back to my art group.
I'm not sure what "playing Frida" is about... simply about art... or more about her dramatic life... or about her illness? In my dream there was no art, and I saw more in my mind about the drama than anything.
Ann Jillian was the star of "Jennifer Slept Here" and old sitcom I used to watch when I was a kid. I thought she was so cool! I wanted to be like her. So, it's interesting that I picked her. I don't like the "other woman" in the Frida story. But here I was going to make her as cool as I ever wanted to be; Wearing white and everything. hmmm?
Another thing that stands out to me in the little girl in the room. The night before's dream had a little girl as well... randomly placed... who dropped her shoe in the pool and I fished it out. She was a little black girl... and this dream had a little Mexican girl. Both of them don't seem to be part of the story, but both are watching me as I do something. Interacting in a very subtle way. I wonder if it's not something about how little girls are watching me live my life... and what am I going to do to be a good example to them?
I help in kid's church once a month, and there are lots of little girls in there who look up to me. They grab my arm and snuggle up against it during our sitting down time. Or they tell me all about there pets at home. They pull at my dress and say it's pretty, or at the colored streak in my hair. I wonder (from the night before's dream) if my weight loss journey will effect a little girl... or if (from last night's) my dressing floozy-ish will effect another.
I'm debating on whether or not to get a tattoo... I wonder if that would effect a little girl.
In the book I finished a while ago the author was talking about the next generation of girls and what we will do to influence them. It's a huge calling, one that has been dropped by way too many people.
TV shows and commercials are raising our kids, instilling their values. My son watches the Disney channel a lot (as well as Cartoon network and Nickelodeon), and even aside from the shows that are on, the mini music videos they put between shows teach all the little girls that they need to look sexy and hard to be attractive. The shows teach boys that they are a few steps below girls in their intelligence, and that it's OK for them to be treated as pee-ons, but at the same time, that they get to control how girls look, because it's all about getting them aroused. Ugggg... I could go on about this, but you get the point.

Another Potty Dream, and Trying on Clothes again.

When I was driving home last night I had a thought. I never dream about romance. I never dream about my husband or any mystery man in a romantic way. (Sure I have sex dream, but not romantic ones.) I was thinking about fairy tales and what we think of as "dreams".  I wondered how many people actually dream those type of dreams... or if that is limited to 'day dreams'.  ???

Anyway, no exception to the rule I had two completely non-romantic dreams last night.

The first centered around poop. (I think it came from our talk last night... trying to unload crap in our thinking.)

In the dream I was sitting around with a group of women (just like I really was last night) and we were in a restaurant that hadn't opened yet. It was a large ball room and the tables and chairs were not set up yet. I sat on a barrel that looked like a red trashcan/stool. Other people had different stools and chairs. (The chair I sat on last night was red too.) We were talking, and I began to poo. No one knew I was, and my butt covered the opening of the trashcan perfectly, so no smell was escaping. (Gross, I know). 

Anyway, a lady came in and said we had to leave cause they were going to open the restaurant. Guys came in and started setting up tables and a dinner party filed in. I was terrified over what to do with my poop. I held the trashcan to my butt as I stood up and walked out of the room.

The scene changed and I went directly into a men's locker room. There were athletes changing, and I walked right past them into a bathroom stall where I dumped the poop. I realized I had to go more, but didn't want to go in the men's room. I walked around to at least four different bathrooms looking for a place to go. The ones in the men's locker room had names like "armpit", and other names that made you think of stink.  I found my way to the ladies side and looked in their bathrooms. I finally settled on one that reminded me of an old dream I had in an Indian bath house type setting (if those exist). I walked up to one that was in a gazebo and two friends were close by. I sat down and listened to them talk. Each one had a story of a move, or something falling through.  My friend Kelly (from years ago) was saying she wasn't going to be able to move to Hawaii... along with other things.

That was the end of that one.

The second dream took place in what was suppose to be Roy and Gracia's house (the house I lived in during my freshman year of college when I was pregnant with my daughter.) Gracia was away, or in another room and I was all alone watching a movie. There were snacks set out for me and a giant glass vase on the table.  The vase fell (didn't break) and spilled potpourri all over the floor. I was about to clean it up when Gracia came out. I don't remember what she said, but she was upset with me and I walked away to my room where my mom was waiting for me to try on some clothes.  (Last night my friend Rebecca gave me some hand-me-down pants to try on). In the dream I was trying on what Rebecca had given me, but they were skirts not pants. They were all long thin dirndl skirts. I tried on the red one. Then I tried on one that had a long high waist  up to my boobs. It was white and had a layer of lace over top. The skirt portion was long and thin again, and I was surprised that it looked good on me. My mom was just standing by and handing things too me, and puffing my blouse out the top.

That was the extent of the dream.

At our group last night we talked about parts of ourselves we'd like to overcome, things that we're insecure about and what we could do about those things. My dream from last night was brought up... the one about the bustier. I find it interesting that in last night's dream, I am again trying on lace... with my mom... and this time it fit. 

The significance of Gracia goes back to the root of my over eating. That was when I got fat for the first time. "You were pregnant", you may say... Yes, but they ate out at nearly every meal (which I was not use to), and I gained FAR more than what you are suppose to while pregnant. It was a VERY low time for me, away from family and going through adoption counseling against my will. Eating became a very acceptable way of dealing with my pain. I had never really thought of their house as being the birth place of that issue in my life... but it certainly was.

I think the giant glass vase speaks of the frailty of beauty. My vase did not break, but there in that house, it was knocked over, and I never got to clean it up.

Island Vacation, Bath Cave, and Highrise Homework

In mt first dream I was swimming in an enormous man-made lake. We were on vacation of some sort and had just arrived to our island home. The scene around the side of the lake that we were on was very 'other worldly'. It looked like a movie set. The houses were built way too close to the water, jutting out of the (not very high) cliffs. There was brown showing around the homes, and vines hanging sporadically. There were wooden deck walkways from some houses and others you had to use the vines to get to.

We had been dropped off somewhere in the lake and were swimming to shore with a group of people. The only person outside of my family that I recognized was our friend Greta. (That makes sense because we have been on vacation with her twice, and really don't see her otherwise.) A large man led us up the bank and then we made our way around the cliffs to our 'home'.  That's all the dream had in it.

The second one was also about water, and lots of it. It was a roman bath house type place, but huge, and more like a cave. I was with a few of my Swell Sister ladies and we were 'bathing'. There were a few tiers to the place, and above one was a large water fall that glowed with a golden hue. The whole dream was just swimming around and climbing and being in the water fall etc. No talking. I had to wake up from the dream to pee in the middle of the night.

The third one was in a city setting. I was with my dad and we were visiting my friend Dori. It was a school day and I had to get to school soon. We were up really high in a sky-rise in her apartment in down town LA. (Even though she doesn't live there, or in an apartment, but the school we went to together was.) She was showing us her new doggies. (She does have a new doggy since I saw her last, but these dogs were not the right breed.) The dogs in the dream were "purse dogs", one black and brown and white with furry pointy ears like a papillon, and  the other was like a white miniature poodle.  I was holding one and we were looking out the window talking about taking it down to pee. But I realized I was late for school and I started urging my dad to hurry and take me. I grabbed my back pack, but I didn't have my books. I scrambled to find the books, got them into the bag and then realized I hadn't done my homework. I had English and some sort of Science. Then I reasoned with myself that I wasn't going for a grade, I was a grown up, and it really didn't matter that I hadn't done my homework. Reasoning with myself led me to remember I'm not really in school, and then I woke up.

Once again, I am at a loss for any meaning... but they were interesting dreams none-the-less.

Half Fake Babies

Yesterday there was a baby in my dream... a real baby, that I know, last night, there was two babies, and they were fake... hmmmm...

The dream started at drama practice. I was there with Tracy, and my daughter and other other drama people (from church). I had been given lines and we were practicing my delivery. The backdrop was white and formless.

I don't remember the first part of the line, but the second part was, "I see what you mean". I had a make-up compact in my hand and my back turned to the group. I turned and said my line angrily. I did this a few times, then asked if it would be better if I said it with a bit of surprise and a softer voice... ,"blah blah blah... Oh, I see what you mean." At that point I was holding a baby. The baby was a doll... at least from the waist down. The legs were plastic and stiff in a seated position; they hinged at the thighs. 

I walked with the baby over to a bunk bed right inside a small room a few yards away. My sister was on the top bunk with another baby boy. It looked fairly real, and I thought of him as hers. She wanted me to take him for a minute while she adjusted something. I stood on the ledge of the bottom bunk, (as I often did as a child, to be able to reach the top bunk) and held out my free arm. I was holding the other baby in the crook of my left arm and holding the top bunk rail with my left hand. She gave me the baby, and I realized his legs were plastic as well. I couldn't get a good hold on him because of my positioning. I asked her to take him back, that I couldn't hold him, but she argued that she couldn't do it either.

That was the end.

Given that my sister was on her top bunk, I'd like to take it literally as being about my sister, but my mind keeps thinking of my agenda this morning, which is to go see a new space with my art group the "Swell Sisters". The space is on the second floor, (like a bunk bed) and this is a "baby" of ours. 

The bottom floor of the building is a dance studio. I'm hoping that there will be something there for me as well. I was a dancer as a kid, and am really wanting to get back into that. 

Anyway, I imagine I'll have a better grasp on what the dream is about after my meeting this morning. I will be looking for parallels.

Swell Sister Car Stolen

I had a semi-late night out with my Swell Sisters, so it's no wonder I dreamed about them.

In my dream nearly everyone who was at the meeting last night was there.

We started in a car. It was like an old Cadillac but also station-wagon-y. I was in the far back with Rachel.

A few of the girls went into a store while we sat in the parking lot. They came back and we drove down to a club; Laurelin was driving. The club was in an old warehouse that backed up to a large alley. The neighborhood was bad... though we didn't think it was "that bad" as we went into the club. I'm not sure what happened in the parking lot before we went in, but it must have been a scratch, or some type of vandalism, because we were going in to report it. I was talking about calling 911 and the girls said that was silly.

When we came back out... walking past the cars that blocked our view of our parking spot, we noticed that the car was gone. I was in the front of the pack, ten paces or so ahead. "Oh no," I said, "You've got to be kidding me." I looked to my left, beyond the parking lot (the same direction I was walking) and there was a line of people going into a convenience store. I yelled over to them to ask if anyone saw anything. They all just made fun of us "rich girls in the hood, who got their car stole". I was so mad I was shaking. Then I said to the group, "Well, now I have a real reason to call 911." So I did. I was in the convenience store when I called and the back ground noise was making it hard for the officer on the other end to hear me, so I walked away ...across the alley and into a garden with a cement stream and a small bridge. I was telling him the story, and he just kept interrupting saying he couldn't hear, or he couldn't understand me. I started to cry, which only made it worse. I was walking back to the group (phone still to my ear) to hand it to someone else when I woke up.

In dreams vehicles typically deal with your sphere of influence. In dreaming about a family car (especially with the family in it) it speaks of where your family is going. This being a station wagon represents us being slightly bigger than a family, though still family-esk. 

Larger vehicles (buses, trains, airplanes...) represent a greater influence... if you are driving. 

Looking back at past dreams, I'm reminded of the dream I had where I was driving and had no control of the break. Or like the one with the Swell Sisters where I was parking the van. 

As a group we are now looking for a "space" a bit more permanent than what we are in now, so it's interesting to me that most of my Swell Sister dreams are in cars or vans. We are mobile, not quite grounded just yet.  

But what the heck is this about our car being "stolen"!?!  That's not good! 

I'm not going to read too much into it because it really could just have something to do with the arguments surrounding our "move". Things have gotten a little ugly when we talk about the "space", so perhaps the theft and vandalism just represent my feelings that those arguments are hindering our moving forward.

I surely hope that our entire "car" isn't going anywhere!

I'm back

Well, I'm home from my vacation.

I had absolutely NO time to journal during the 'tour' part of the trip. wake up calls were set at 5:45. CRAZY.

But I did dream some quite interesting dreams. I only remember basics since I didn't write anything down.

The first night I had one where my friend Olivia puked in a garage, and we both cleaned it up together.

The second night I had one where my daughter and I were riding bikes down a hill and listening to a heavy metal song discussing the lyrics and how they were searching for God.

Four or 5 days ago I had one where my professor was examining my breasts.

A few days before that I had one where I was driving a bus and the breaks were not working, but I drove up into a park on a hill and we stopped.

And I had another where I was with my Swell Sister's in a van and stopped at a shabby chic convention, all in 50's style dresses. There were cats there using the toilet. I took off my dress and went to put it back on in-side-out and found that I needed to do pattern work on it. I started working on it and a large burly mountain man came to help me (a character from a book I was reading). He did the pattern for me, but to my horror when I came to check on him he had thrown away the 'good' part of the pattern too. I was so upset, cause I had to turn it in at college the next day, and now I'd have to start over.

The first dream... I think was because Olivia and I were talking the day before I left. She is opening up in new ways... some messy. :-)
The second dream rings of a conversation my daughter and I had about a week after I dreamed it, about my husband (ex- heavy metal rocker) and his struggles. We are both on bikes because it's our own 'personal' journey, but we were together because we are together in this journey. We both deal with the same things with him. (We had a very trying trip with him, due to another love interest of my daughter's that she met on the trip.)

The third dream really bothered me the first few days after I had it. I had a hard time understanding it.It was awkward and of course I didn't want to think of my professor that way.  Then the last day of the tour my professor came up to me (in real life) and explained how he had been watching my husband and I on the trip and how he admired our parenting and our marriage. I immediately thought of the dream and how breasts symbolize motherhood.  He had been examining my mothering... not really my boobs. :-)

The other two dreams both had buses (not unusual, since I basically lived on a bus for the past week and a half). We saw tons of stray cats on our trip, all over Jordan and Israel. ... and other wise I'm not sure of any meaning.