Unwanted Visitors

Last night I had a "visitor". I have been a victim of horrible nightmares in my past while I was leading a ministry. It was at that time that I started reading about dreams. I found that some people believe that demons can influence our dreams, and some believe that demonic nightmares are God getting us ready to deal with demons in real life. I have decided I stand in the first camp. Mainly because when I wake up and tell them to go away in the name of Jesus... they do. Anyway, through the years I have programmed myself to wake up the minute I realize that I am dealing with a spirit. Some times I feel heaviness on my chest, and other times it's just the imagery that alerts me to their presence. Last night my dream started going south when my sister's pale decapitated head was laying by my pool. The image didn't go with my dream at all. (I think it is true that they cannot see our thoughts, so they just have to hope the imagery that they whisper to us "fits".) Well, it didn't fit, and I recognized it immediately. In the dream I told myself, "that is not there, look again". I looked and it was gone. Then I felt my breath being sucked from my face. (I was on my side, so no heaviness on my chest... but I have never experienced this sucking sensation before, so it was a bit scary.) I felt a little like Harry Potter encountering a dementor. I woke up immediately and started to pray. In 2 or 3 minutes I was back to sleep and all was well.
I only bring it up to say... if you experience demonic nightmares, don't hesitate to insist that they leave. At His name all powers must submit. Program yourself to wake up to intrusions just by simple self talk before bed. After all our sub-conscious is still very much a part of our mind.

Am I Prepared?

I really haven't dreamed much of interest lately... thus no new entries, but I thought I'd share last night's as it seemed very vivid and long.

It started in a room at church, not my church particularly, but a church; I could tell because of the people who were there, and because of the size and emptiness of the room. We were clearly in what we called the "fellowship hall" when I was growing up. (It's the multi-purpose room of a church where most food related events take place.) In my dream I was there with a hand full of kids from the elementary class that I help out with once a month. There may have been a couple adults, but I don't remember any. My dogs were with me, as was the greyhound from an internet rescue story I read yesterday. I was coaxing my dog Knuckles to be nice to the greyhound. When I realized that the interaction wasn't going to improve, I walked outside. The dogs were gone and all the kids were ahead of me in a large field that I've seen before in dreams that has a large pool in it. The kids were getting into the pool along with other classroom helpers. I wanted to swim as well but didn't have a suit. For some reason I thought it would be better to swim naked than in my clothes, so I stripped down and got in the pool. There was a hot tub in one section of the pool and most of the kids and helpers were in it. I tried to stay close to the wall of the hot tub hiding my nakedness. One little boy came up and touched my boob, and I had to swim away from the wall shooing him away. At that point I saw my sister on shore and asked her to bring me a bathing suit. A few minutes later she brought me back a tiny string bikini (that I owned about 9 years ago to lay out in). I fumbled with the suit under water all the while noticing parents of the children, who were now there to pick up their kids, watching me in disgust. I finally got the suit on just as someone was saying that if anyone needed a ride home now was the time to call your parents. I got out of the pool and wrapped a towel around me. I called my mom and said I could walk home, but would she bring me the dogs so I could give them a walk too, so I didn't have to do two walks that day. I knew the area and it was about 2 miles from my house.
About the time I made it to the street to start the walk home the scenery changed and I was no longer myself. I was Antonio Banderas with shoulder length hair and a long trench coat on, walking with my girlfriend into a huge mansion. The mansion was very dark and full of fancy wood paneling and large decor. I was explaining to her that I had agreed to do the painting for her father. (Her father didn't really like me, but doing the painting was a bribe of sorts to smooth things over between us, since I wanted to marry his daughter.) My eye went directly to a large painting on the wall behind me to my left of a "Niagara Falls" type close-up painting, that was lava instead of water. I kept looking to the left as we walked down an open hallway, into each alcove along the way. Each section had more paintings, each in a series that had to do with the lava one. They were all dark, made of browns, reds, and blacks, and each had an element of a puzzle in them. At first, the puzzle pieces were not the main focus, but the further down the hall we got the puzzle grew and became the main subject of the painting. My painting was going to be a part of this series and I wasn't sure exactly how. My girlfriend's father's footsteps could be heard in the distance in front of us and to our right, we quickly ducked into one of the alcoves on our left and waited for a stairway to appear. The stairs had been a part of the wall beneath the chair rail molding, but as we watched they stretched out from the wall to form an actual staircase. I started to step on them while they were still "doll size", but quickly realized that they were going to grow more. I stepped off a little embarrassed, and waited for a few seconds longer as even the top half of the wall protruded out and the stairs had plenty of room to go up and behind the section of wall. Right as we got on the stairs my alarm went off and I had to wake up; which was very disappointing.

So... what does it mean?
Well, I can tell you where the elements came from...
The greyhound, as I mentioned was from a story I read yesterday. (Very touching about a rescued greyhound, who in turn helped with nurturing other rescued animals.)
The church kids were there most likely from me thinking this past Sunday that I had to help out, when really my Sunday is two Sundays away.
The smallness of the bikini is coming from me trying to get to the same size I was 9 years ago before we go to Hawaii in a few months.
Antonio Banderas is on my mind from a conversation I had with my friend Saturday morning while her daughter was watching Shrek the Third, about Puss-in-Boots having his own movie, and me questioning if that could be any good.
Niagra Falls imagery comes from my husband's trip to Toronto this coming weekend. And I imagine that the puzzle pieces in all the dark paintings are about me pieces together the dark events on the prophetic calendar.

Being naked and ashamed is a common theme in dreams usually about not being prepared, or possibly exposing vulnerable parts of yourself.
My pool dreams typically are about cleansing or refreshing. It's interesting that I was ashamed at the same time as being cleansed... but I guess that is how it goes sometimes. It makes me think of the prayer I received this past Sunday.
I knew God wanted me to go up and get prayer for my 12 year anniversary of marriage. So I went to a couple that I admire and asked them to pray over me. I had to tell them a little of our "ugliness" so that they knew where I was coming from. Even in my vague explanation their prayer was so targeted it was as if I had divulged everything. That took place in our multi-purpose room BTW.
I have known for a while now that I have a part to play in teaching about prophetic events in today's world. Be it through paintings, or fashion, or words. I feel prepared, but not talented enough... which is generally how I view Antonio Banderas. I think that the grandness of the mansion that the paintings were in speaks of how great and overwhelming of a task I consider this undertaking.
The stairway was hopefully a good thing... but I guess I may never know that. (It did lead up. :-) )

Laundry and Teeth

Last night's dream stared me and my mom.
I was doing laundry... putting clothes in a very deep washing machine. Then I went to my mom's room and was looking for clothes to pack to go to summer camp. She opened a lower drawer for me and I started digging through it. I pulled out one shirt that I thought was something I wanted, then as I unfolded it, it became my son's Perry the Platypus T-shirt. Again I reached in the drawer and pulled out an article of clothing that ended up being my son's underwear. I pulled out one more thing of my son's and complained to my mom that these things aren't mine, they are his.

That was the extent of the dream.
As for interpretation... With me clothing dreams have to do with my weight and what track I'm on concerning my body. This specific dream equates me with my son. I started a diet this week... the same diet that I did this summer while my son was at a weight loss summer camp. I am mentally preparing myself for the journey ahead. It was so much easier when no kids were home this summer, but I won't have that this summer, so I'm going ahead and doing it now. The deep washing machine tells me that there is a lot of "cleansing" to do, and the lower drawer tells me that I'm at the bottom of this thing.

Saturday night I had another interesting dream. The night itself was interesting because I was dog sitting three dogs that were not mine. Two of them are chiweenie puppies, the same age as my Lhasa apso puppy. Very "needy" pups. Because I am such a push over I slept with all three of the other dogs and my own puppy. First on the couch, then up in the guest room. Every time I would move they would all wake up and re-arrange themselves. It was a long night to say the least!
Anyway I think the dream spoke of my situation as well as me being a push-over in general, and my indecision... or more pointedly, my inability to stick to decisions... to stand up to others, or even dogs for that matter.

The dream started with my sister and I walking to a camp site. (My sister, though I have no right to blame her any further, is the root of where I got my "door mat" status. She's a year older than me and was my boss and my mouth piece all through childhood.) We got to the area that we thought should be camp and there was a parking garage. We went up some cement stairs that were enclosed just like in a normal parking garage. As we looked we started to hear voices. It was my dad along with the rest of the youth group for camp. (My dad was a youth pastor for much of my childhood.) We scurried back down the stairs to meet them. There was a discussion that I didn't hear and my sister came to me and said, "they don't have room for everyone in the nice cabins. You and I should take one of the bad ones."
Well, I didn't want to take a bad one, but I didn't say anything. Then June (a lady from my church who is famous for her hugs) came up to me and hugged me and whispered in my ear, "You don't deserve a bad room, you should have a nice one."
I looked at my dad who was talking to the group and noticed that his teeth were brown and that they were fanned out on the top row like the old cartoon drawings of hillbillies. I saw that he had a cup of coffee in his hand. "You should rinse your mouth ofter you drink coffee Dad," I said. (Our dentist just told my daughter the same thing about soda last week... that's where that's from.) Then out of nowhere my grandmother (Dad's mom) appears and walks up to my dad and pulls out one of his teeth. The tooth she pulled came from the canine area, but it looked like a molar. My dad protested and then he pulled out his entire top row of teeth all at once on a metal grid. The teeth were large and each wrapped with metal that strung them all together. He was pointing out the spot that the one she had pulled came from, and arguing with her. Then I woke up.

As I said, I think that night, feeling very "trampled on", both figuratively, and literally, this dream speaks to being pushed around and being indecisive. My dad is the same way. Also, loosing teeth in dreams usually has to do with not being about to deal with things. (lost Incisors = indecision, lost molars = inability to "chew on things") That's John Paul Jackson's theory, not mine... But it seems to hold true in my dreams. Perhaps the image of my dad with terrible teeth is a symbolic warning of sorts to what lies ahead of me if I don't get this thing under control.

White Water, and A Year Book Photo Shoot

So last night before 3:00 I had a strange dream of going from rock to rock in a white body of water. The rocks were all white and the water was milky. It was all white, and I was in the water, but didn't want to swim in it, instead I was trying to stay with at least one limb on a rock, like it was dangerous.
My dog Knuckles came in at 3:00 and woke me up.

After a brief potty break I went back to sleep and dreamed of high school. I was with my sister and two old boyfriends. My sister was with Donnie, and I was with Jay. We were all posing in various places for pictures for the year book. Mr. Leander (my old English teacher, and teacher in charge of Year book) was taking the pictures.
We were at a stadium of sorts, sometimes on the grass and sometimes on the bleachers. I walked behind Jay and felt his bare back. "You're back is great, and you have soft skin just like Michael." I said. (Speaking of my husband.) Jay's head was shaved (like now, not like in HS).
Half way through the picture taking, while we were at the top of the amphitheater in the middle of a picture of my sister and I, I got a zit on my upper lip on the left side. It hurt and was huge. I tried to pose in a way that it didn't show, but the first chance I got I ran down to the rest room. True to form, the line was out the door. I thought about it for a minute and rationalized that since I didn't need to pee I could skip the line and just go straight for the mirrors. I did. There were vanity stations in the middle of a large sterile room. The stations were made of stainless steel and the mirrors were behind cabinet doors on the stations. There was even a small round close up mirror at the station I chose. I popped the zit and it immediately subsided and I was able to go back with out worrying about it at all.
Then my alarm rang.

Pieces of the dream like the close up mirror and even the zit are things from yesterday. The zit being reminiscent of a picture I saw of my nephew with a swollen lip from an allergic reaction to Motrin. The mirror being from my son's bathroom, that I was telling him to use to brush his teeth so that he would do a better job.
Even the photo shoot was reminiscent of a shoot I recently did with one of my swell sister ladies for our portrait club. (My sister in the dream, could have been symbolically a "sister".)
Anyway... I have no idea about Donnie and Jay and Mr. Leander, or the settings.
Or the white water and rocks dream for that matter.
The white water dream actually intrigues me quite a bit more. I'll have to think about that one.

Sister Frida

I'm not sure if last night's dream was about my real sister, or my swell sisters (the art group I'm in).

I was in a small upper apartment that belonged to my "sister". (Oh, and before that there was something about going up in a parking garage.) Inside the apartment I went to the bathroom, which was open to the master bedroom. As I was sitting there my sister came in talking to some people. I didn't mind the other ladies that came in, but then a man came in and I gave my sister the evil eye, like, "get him outta here!"
There was a wall to my right that blocked him and others from seeing me unless they walked all the way into the room and looked back. I sat in fear that someone would come in far enough and do just that. The man was older and very large, and supposedly my sister's dad. I stayed on the toilet and started reading something I found on a table near by. It was a flier about a Frida Kahlo play. I read (or heard her say) that my sister was going to play 'the best Frida ever'! She was determined. As I thought about this, I could see my sister dressed up like Frida, and the whole thing form in my mind. I was going to play the "floozy". In my mind I saw Ann Jillian playing the part... and that's who I was going to try to be like. (ha!)
I got up and went to the closet. (It looked a lot like my mom's closet from when I was a teenager at VAFB.) A little Hispanic girl was there in the room with me, watching me look through the gowns. I saw multiple princess type dresses, but I was looking for something lounge singer-esk. I finally found a white flapper number that was made of mostly feathers. I started to put it on and noticed, out the window and over a balcony, lots of my sister's friends pulling up for a cast party.
Then I woke up.

Even though the person in my dream was clearly my sister, I think it could be about my swell sisters because they have a Frida Kahlo connection (where my sister does not). #2 this wouldn't be the first dream I've had where my real sister represented them. #3, the father in the dream was "her" father but not mine. He was very Diego Rivera-esk too, which would point back to my art group.
I'm not sure what "playing Frida" is about... simply about art... or more about her dramatic life... or about her illness? In my dream there was no art, and I saw more in my mind about the drama than anything.
Ann Jillian was the star of "Jennifer Slept Here" and old sitcom I used to watch when I was a kid. I thought she was so cool! I wanted to be like her. So, it's interesting that I picked her. I don't like the "other woman" in the Frida story. But here I was going to make her as cool as I ever wanted to be; Wearing white and everything. hmmm?
Another thing that stands out to me in the little girl in the room. The night before's dream had a little girl as well... randomly placed... who dropped her shoe in the pool and I fished it out. She was a little black girl... and this dream had a little Mexican girl. Both of them don't seem to be part of the story, but both are watching me as I do something. Interacting in a very subtle way. I wonder if it's not something about how little girls are watching me live my life... and what am I going to do to be a good example to them?
I help in kid's church once a month, and there are lots of little girls in there who look up to me. They grab my arm and snuggle up against it during our sitting down time. Or they tell me all about there pets at home. They pull at my dress and say it's pretty, or at the colored streak in my hair. I wonder (from the night before's dream) if my weight loss journey will effect a little girl... or if (from last night's) my dressing floozy-ish will effect another.
I'm debating on whether or not to get a tattoo... I wonder if that would effect a little girl.
In the book I finished a while ago the author was talking about the next generation of girls and what we will do to influence them. It's a huge calling, one that has been dropped by way too many people.
TV shows and commercials are raising our kids, instilling their values. My son watches the Disney channel a lot (as well as Cartoon network and Nickelodeon), and even aside from the shows that are on, the mini music videos they put between shows teach all the little girls that they need to look sexy and hard to be attractive. The shows teach boys that they are a few steps below girls in their intelligence, and that it's OK for them to be treated as pee-ons, but at the same time, that they get to control how girls look, because it's all about getting them aroused. Ugggg... I could go on about this, but you get the point.

Illustration Assignment

In last night's dream I was back at my old job, assistant designer at St. John Knits. In the dream I had an illustrating assignment.
I had my rough sketches with me as I got in the car with my mom and my sister.
We went to a post office for my mom to mail something.
We were in a small hatch-back sports car.
We got out and noticed that the store would be closing soon.
I stood for a moment with the drawings on the top of the car while my mom and sister went in, then I joined them. Inside, a lady with green on tried to cut in front of us. (All of us were wondering who would be the last costumer seen, since they were closing.) I informed her that we were also in line. (Very out of character for me.)
As we were at the front of the line my old friend Tim came from the back room (as if his family owned the place). We hugged and exchanged "How nice it is to see you"s. Then he suggested we go outside to be able to talk better.
As we walked out he turned into my friend Ramin (they have a vaguely similar look and similar character). Ramin looked at my drawings, (he worked at St. John's back in the day too) and critiqued them. He told me to make them curvier. "Things have changed. Make 'em look more like we did in school."
I woke up as I was imagining a hippier illustrated body.

In real life, last night I worked on a fashion illustration of my friend Rebecca. It's the second friend I've done this past week, and I'm planning on doing a few more friends before the year is out. They are indeed curvier than the illustrations I drew in school or at work. But perhaps I need to adopt a curvier style into all of my fashion illustrations and get back into that a bit more in general. I love doing it. I always forget how much until I actually do one. (It's been around a year since I've done an illustration.)

PS... Found out today was Tim's birthday!

My Sister's Bungalow

Last night's dream:
I was in a room at a camp type setting with my sister. (Yes, her again... perhaps I should really talk to her next time she visits. ;-)
Anyway the room grew as we stayed there. It started very bungalow-esk and then by the time the dream was over it was like our godparent's (the Love's) house. (Yes, their last name is Love. ...which I'm sure has a significance to the dream's meaning.)
At first we were just settling in. Then there was a hamster that we had to take care of. (I'm pretty sure that imagery came from the Kia Soul Hamster commercial that played at the movie theater yesterday.)
The hamster was a hand full. I was trying to set him up in a Barbie doll house. (Last Wednesday I also saw "Toy Story 3".)
Anyway, as we gathered things and as we got ready for bed the small bungalow room became a two story house (also somewhat bungalowy ala the movie I saw yesterday "Knight and Day", when they were on the secluded island... but with just enough of the Love's house to recognize it.)
There was a movie on the TV; a western. (The TV was always on at the Love's). The stairs were the same as the ones that led up to the Love's game room. (The same stairs I fell down when I was a kid and knocked out my front tooth.)
I don't remember exactly what was going on, but I remember that I was trying to go to bed/fall asleep, and I couldn't, I was uneasy about something. (I did have a hard time sleeping for real last night. On this diet I'm drinking LOTS of water, and I had to get up and pee 5 times!)

Meaning... well, my sister lives in an early 1900's bungalow style house (not the type of tropical bungalow I was dreaming of, but perhaps it was just about the name bungalow that would point me to her.) So here I am at my sister's house... kind-of, but we were both looking around and getting settled. It was also the Love's house... our "god"parents from childhood. This could be a stretch, but perhaps it's about showing her God's love, and getting her settled in His house, which would be Him inside of her... still "her" house. My uneasy feeling comes around often when I think of her "walk" with God.
As for the hamster and the Barbie house, I'm pretty sure that's just media getting in there. I was a big Barbie freak as a child though. My daughter had a hamster once, and at that point in her life we often called her by my sister's name because they were so alike.
Well, no more time to think, I've got to go to church.

So Many Unwritten

I had my family visiting for the past week, so I never took the time to write my dreams. I did, however, have many nights of very interesting dreams. (Seems to always happen when they visit.)
I really wish I would've taken time to write them.

Last night's involved peeing in inappropriate places. (My nephew peed on my couch yesterday.) It was me doing the peeing in the dream though... in a doll's bed. At the end of the dream (after much pee related material) I had my husband below a table at a HS reunion in Vegas, doing things to me that are reserved for the bedroom. It was an all around "inappropriate" dream.

The night before I had a dream about switching rooms with my sister. My room had all of my old silver, black, and pink furniture, and her room had oak furniture, lots of knickknacks, a huge closet, and a small filing cabinet on her dresser. (We saw an old filing cabinet at the antique store Wednesday that my mom said would be good for my sister's organizing business.)
We switched rooms (I don't remember why) and an old lady came to look at our rooms. I showed her my sister's room as if it was my own. (Her room was very far from my style and would not have fooled anyone who knew us... so the lady must not have known us.)
It was a strange dream, and yet another dream about me being in my sister's closet looking at clothes. This time it passed beyond the clothes, and I looked through all of her things. I don't know what she did in my room cause I never went back in there.

This theme of my sister's clothes etc. is curious to me. I wonder if it has to do with weight... or if it's more about shared experiences as children... or the things I've adopted from my sister in my personality. hmmmm.

On tour, and Babies in the UK

Yes, It's been a while. Things at home were not conducive to dream journaling... and now that time has past the only dream I remember from the past few weeks is one about my Nanny (Mom's mom) reprimanding me for being topless.

Last night, however, I said a prayer before bed to ask God what He wanted me to do about my dream journaling... If He was going to talk to me that way any time soon, or if I should just let it go for now.

Well.. I had a night jammed packed with dreams, so I'm taking it as a, "No, I'm not done with that."

The first dream I am fairly sure was just an alert.

It was simply me talking to my son about something he was doing, and I kept saying, "It's too late." "It's too late, you can't do that now." "It's too late." I awoke from the dream to pee at 2:30. I could hear voices in his room. (He's having a sleep over). I knew immediately I needed to go in there and tell them it was too late, they needed to go to bed. So I did.

I went back to sleep and had a dream where I was on a tour with a big group in an open air jeep/bus. Somehow I got stuck on the towing hitch with my legs under the jeep and holding on to the handle in the back. I think I had just been sitting there while we were stopped somewhere, and then the driver took off, and I was still there.

My mom was on the jeep and she alerted the driver of my position, but he just yelled back if I'd be alright til the next stop.  I said OK, and off we drove. At one point I remember mentioning that it was like water skiing... but not in a good way.  The town that we were traveling through seemed a lot like the Long Beach/Naples area. But when we finally stopped it was in an old western town with dust roads etc.  I got off and went inside an adobe low ceiling-ed building with my mom and my sister. There were multiple small rooms at different levels, only a step up or down from the next. In the rooms were old artifacts and antique treasures. I found an old bustier, and took it into a small bedroom (now very old west style, wood) to try it on. My mom and my sister came with me. The bustier was too small in the boob area, but I kept telling my mom that when I lost weight it would fit, so I was going to get it anyway. 

A voice came over a loud speaker saying it was time to make our way back to the bus. The shop would do all final purchases now. I took off the bustier and had it along with something else lacey in my hands debating on whether or not to get them both.  A woman dressed like an animal, in a brown furry suit, snuck out from behind a chest in the bedroom and crept up to us. It was a little creepy, cause we then knew that she had been in there the whole time. When she got to us (still squatting like an animal) she started reaching with her exaggerated fingers, grabbing at the items in my hand. After a minute she started talking and saying, "You'll have to put them back... you don't have time... it's time to go." Her tone got more frantic til the end of the dream when she was saying, "Just drop them and go.... go."  At that moment a friend from the dressing room/bedroom next door came in and told me to mention her room lady as the sales person for my purchases. She explained that she liked her lady, and that they worked on commission. I got a quick image of her lady in my head as I walked out of my room to go to the cashier.

Looking back on the dream it seems very strange that the animal lady didn't want me to buy things if they worked on commission. So what was that? What was any of it? It's my first "tour" dream since the month we got back from our Israel tour. It's quite a different picture from other dreams where I'm driving, or even being in the seating area. I was being dragged behind... though not actually on the ground. And why my mom and sister? Or the bustier? 

The next dream I had last night woke me up at 5:30 with a gag reflex.

The dream did not involve me at all, I was just being shown an area and it's problems. The place was in the UK.  Conditions were terrible. Riots had left the city looking like a ghost town. Then my attention was directed at one man. He was an older black man, and he started to describe his situation. His kids had left him in charge of his grand kids, and the number of children he was watching just kept multiplying. (I don't think they were ALL family, but maybe.) There were all ages of children, but towards the end there were just more and more newborn babies. They were being born out of his (or my, or ???) mouth. I felt a gag reflex every time a baby came out. They were all in the fetal position and all had brown skin. I woke up and even heard myself gag.

I'd say that the scene looked very doomsday-ish but at the same time there were just more and more babies. Perhaps the babies were spiritual babies. hmmmm.

Take the Wheel, Clean the Baby, and Dress Up.

I slept great last night... I bought some "breathe right strips"... Thank you to the inventor of those!

My first dream started in a parking lot. I can't remember too much of it, but I remember the main part, which is that my ten year old son was driving the car while my daughter and I rode in it... Me in the back seat. At one point he turned and was on the freeway facing on coming traffic. I tried to talk him through turning back around, but some cars started coming and he froze. When the next opportunity appeared I jumped over the center console and took over driving.

(I think this is as plain as it sounds... I'm letting a ten year old drive me around... I need to stop!)

My second dream was about a baby. The baby was a girl, maybe 4 months old. My mom and I (and I think my daughter) were all taking care of her. She looked a lot like my sister's daughter with curly brown hair, and a button nose and big eyes. She had on a red frilly dress. She wasn't mine, but I was helping. I took her to the bathroom to change her diaper. I was holding her by the belly and running water over her butt, wiping her clean. Then as I was drying her off I got angry and was being intentionally rough with her. I wasn't outright shaking her, but I was jerking her around and had a mean look on my face. I was frustrated with the situation... which had something to do with the baby.

(This one, I'm not positive, but I think has something to do with my daughter's trouble. I think the baby represents my daughter's "fruit" so-to-speak. I'm trying to help clean it up, but it's frustrating, and mainly I just wanna hurt the little 'red dress wearing' thing. )

My third dream was a good one, thank God. I was with my sister and we were kids. The look we had going was based on a favorite picture from my childhood. (In the picture we were at my Grandma's house and we had on fancy dresses and some of her makeup.) In the dream we had choices of piles of frilly dresses and skirts and boas to dress-up in. We had our hair curled and mine was in pig tails (as was often the case growing up). We had lip gloss on too. We were dressing up and dancing around enjoying being little girls. It was a very enjoyable dream!

(I think this one is a flipped coin from the MANY clothes trying on/sister dreams I've had in the past few months. In all the past dreams I've been a teen or an adult and the clothes rarely fit, and it's rarely 'even' between us and rarely fun. This one, being free and innocent, and just being ourselves, we had a great time. All the clothes fit, and we enjoyed each others company.)

Bugs and Clothing Options

Yes, I have been dreaming the past few days, but quite frankly the people in my dreams wouldn't want me sharing what I dreamed about. So I didn't.

Last night I had a few tell-able dreams...

One was about bugs. ALL kinds of bugs. They were flying and crawling all around me. (Perhaps because I vacuumed up so many yesterday from windowsills and sliding glass door frames.) I had my son's cricket pinchers that we use to feed his bearded dragon, and I was pinching them straight out of the air. It was a very frustrating dream.  (I actually think it had more to do with my ipod melt down right before I went to bed. I said "Yes" to something I shouldn't have and spent the last hour before bed deleting duplicates from my play lists.  Point, click, control, point click..... etc.) Tedious. 

I had another dream about clothes... 80's clothes to be exact. My sister again... and myself dressing for school or something. This time there was tons to choose from and I wasn't having any problems fitting any of it. (I'm taking that as a step in the right direction! I started a Zumba class Monday night, and am going to water aerobics occasionally.)

...and that's about it.

I hope your dreams are going great... becoming more memorable... and talking to you. :-)

Half Fake Babies

Yesterday there was a baby in my dream... a real baby, that I know, last night, there was two babies, and they were fake... hmmmm...

The dream started at drama practice. I was there with Tracy, and my daughter and other other drama people (from church). I had been given lines and we were practicing my delivery. The backdrop was white and formless.

I don't remember the first part of the line, but the second part was, "I see what you mean". I had a make-up compact in my hand and my back turned to the group. I turned and said my line angrily. I did this a few times, then asked if it would be better if I said it with a bit of surprise and a softer voice... ,"blah blah blah... Oh, I see what you mean." At that point I was holding a baby. The baby was a doll... at least from the waist down. The legs were plastic and stiff in a seated position; they hinged at the thighs. 

I walked with the baby over to a bunk bed right inside a small room a few yards away. My sister was on the top bunk with another baby boy. It looked fairly real, and I thought of him as hers. She wanted me to take him for a minute while she adjusted something. I stood on the ledge of the bottom bunk, (as I often did as a child, to be able to reach the top bunk) and held out my free arm. I was holding the other baby in the crook of my left arm and holding the top bunk rail with my left hand. She gave me the baby, and I realized his legs were plastic as well. I couldn't get a good hold on him because of my positioning. I asked her to take him back, that I couldn't hold him, but she argued that she couldn't do it either.

That was the end.

Given that my sister was on her top bunk, I'd like to take it literally as being about my sister, but my mind keeps thinking of my agenda this morning, which is to go see a new space with my art group the "Swell Sisters". The space is on the second floor, (like a bunk bed) and this is a "baby" of ours. 

The bottom floor of the building is a dance studio. I'm hoping that there will be something there for me as well. I was a dancer as a kid, and am really wanting to get back into that. 

Anyway, I imagine I'll have a better grasp on what the dream is about after my meeting this morning. I will be looking for parallels.

"Peter Pan, Smurfs, and Shorts"

Well, I'm back from my trip... on which I kept no dream journal. :-)

Last night I had three... (or more)

The first one; I was playing around on my computer and my husband was helping me to put some new icons on my desktop. They were strange things like high def fireworks, and mushrooms. Directly after they were all on my desktop I went into the movie "Peter Pan". I don't know if I was Peter Pan, or if I was in narrator mode directly over his shoulder. I could hear his thoughts and see everything from his view, but a few times the view changed and I was directly over him while flying. He landed in the yard of Mr. Smee. (They were both 'real' people, not cartoons.) Mr. Smee told him where to go find Hook. He seemed very nice and helpful, but when we started flying away there was a gun shot that nearly missed our head. After another gun shot, and we flew back down to the yard. There was a gun like the one he held in the cartoon, that looked a little like a horn. We saw his wife;  her name was Diane Cook, or at least that's what it sounded like. It makes more sense if she would've said "Hook", so maybe she did, I remember pondering the name as we left, thinking, "Cook? or Hook?" and "Capt. Hook's wife's name is Diane? or Mr. Smee's wife? I never knew they had a wife."

In the second dream I brought my dog to a bible study meeting at a friend's house. They had one gray tabby cat with two kittens. I assured them that Knuckles (my dog) would be fine with the cats. We watched the kittens and Knuckles play for a while then other guests started to arrive. My friend Roxi came and brought her dog (only in the dream it was a black lab, not a chocolate one), and another friend brought a dachshund. Everyone was afraid of how the dogs would do. It was a little hectic at first but after a while they seemed to be OK with each other... and the cats.

All the grownups sat down on the couches and the little kids went into a back room to play.

The TV was turned on and a tape put in... It was The Smurfs. We were all sitting there to watch The Smurfs. We were seeing if it was appropriate or something. There were discussions about what they were singing. People were saying that the first song was about groceries, but it was clearly about "rules" or "the law". I spoke up about it.  The next song was about something else I don't remember now.

My husband and I walked away from the group to go make-out in a back room. Every single room we went in to had someone sleeping in it. Even the bath tub had a person sleeping in it. It was odd.

The third dream was my sister and I again, looking through clothes. (There is something to this reoccurring theme.)  In this one we were getting ready for school (again), and we were sharing a wardrobe. The tops were not the important thing this time; it was all about the shorts.  I was looking for a particular pair about half way through. Finally I looked in a suitcase that was laying on the floor. I found what I thought was them, but upon further inspection, it wasn't. I ended up finding the shorts I was looking for in a pile I had already been through. (They were almost all jean shorts.)

"My Sister"

Last night's dream:

I was in a beauty supply store with my mom. We were picking out hair color. We picked a large (20 oz) jar of cream. The glass jar was amber in color with a metal black lid and no writing.

We went home and were sitting in a room with my sister. At some point prior we had read my sister's diary or schedule book and we knew that she was planning a date that night to go see a movie with Kirk Cameron (her boyfriend). She was asking my mom if she could go, but we knew she had already committed to it.

I questioned her, "Isn't it true that you're going already?" My mom reprimanded me and told me to go in the other room. 

I walked into the living room where my sister's friend and my dad were watching TV. They were watching a movie with Kirk Cameron in it. We were in the movie too and Kirk had just found out that none of us were real or that he wasn't real... I forget exactly. He spilled the Rice Krispies all over the kitchen floor and was picking them up while looking over his shoulder wearily.

I sat on the couch sideways under a blanket in my PJs, (they were really my daughter's PJs).

The I got up to take a shower. I Got out of the shower and stood looking in the mirror with high heels on (they make me look taller and thinner ;-).

As I was standing there a whole conversation about my sister's house ran through my head. Her and her husband had completely paid off their house and were purchasing another one for $25,000, that they would rent out. I thought about that for a while, and went into the hall to talk to her about it.

The End.

This is one of those dreams where I'm not sure I was myself all the time. I could have been my daughter.

One thing is clear... I should really call my sister. That's the third night of dreams about her.

"Closets or Shops"

Last night's dream was all about my sister and I, and clothes.

I'm not exactly sure why, but I think it could have something to do with the children's book I mentioned the other day. I had a conversation with my husband before I went to bed about it, and basically he said, "You don't have time for that." The discussion was far more in depth, but it left me thinking about who could write the book instead. My first thought was my friend Laurelin, who is a great writer. But she's writing her own book. This morning when I woke up, I was thinking about my sister. My sister is a great writer as well... the problem is, I don't think she'd like the subject matter. :-/

That's just one thought about the dream.

I could take it another way, in that 'why am I messing with my sister's talent, why not stick with my own which is clothes', since the whole dream was about clothes... but not really my own. hmmm? That was part of our pre-bedtime conversation too.

One other thought I have about it is that is it similar to one I had a week or so ago about being at camp and packing the suitcase, taking out my sister's clothes. That dream had a lot to do with my counseling session and getting rid of the remnants of her influence over my life.

In the dream we were in rooms similar to our rooms from 5th and 6th grade. I had her dresser in my room (one I painted later in our teen years) and I was getting dressed for school. I was wearing a yellow and white skirt I have with eyelets and flowers, looking for a top to go with it. (Which really is a problem with that skirt.) I was wanting a yellow T-shirt and a light eyelet-ed white three quarter top that I could just button near the top. It didn't exist. I looked through the closet. Went in her room (to the left of mine) and looked. Looked through the dresser, which had hidden drawers of jewelry from our past. It looked like the dresser was in bad shape, but it still worked. The jewels were so packed in that they over-flowed a bit and stuck out the sides in places. (Hummmm, perhaps this is just about talking to my sister. Telling her of her treasures.? Well... that only explains parts.)

I left my room and walked down the hall to the right; I was in a college dorm environment. I had my own room and my sister was sharing with "the rich girls". I walked into their room looking for a top to wear. Their room was huge. It was like a massive closet. No furniture, just clothes on long built in wooden racks. They were mostly sweaters. (I have dreamed of a store like this before.) I said, "it looks just like Anthropology". (My favorite store.) (It really didn't, but I could see all of those sweaters being sold there.) They were colorful, made with variegated yarns. I wanted all of them, but none of them were my sister's. I left the room feeling rather disappointed. On my way back to my room I noticed that the hallway was very large and barren, nearly abandoned in feel. The walls were a grayed white. There was one large archway before you got to my room on the left. I was making a note of it to tell people how to get to my room. But once I got to my room, it was a shoe store. I was a little concerned. "What happened to my room?" I wondered if I was now in charge of the shoe store, or if possibly my room was inside somewhere. I walked down a little alley beside the shoe store and came to an area full of raw wool. My fried Barbara and her two daughters were there, and we decided to learn how to dye and spin our own wool, so I could make pretty sweaters like the ones in my sister's dorm room.

I woke up while I was looking at all the variations of thicknesses of un-dyed yarn hanging.

Perhaps Barbara is going to help me with my story.  Or maybe that's just because she is holding me accountable to finish the portrait I'm working on, so that I can get back to sewing. I'm really having a hard time with the direction of what I'm supposed to be doing.  I guess I should just stick to what I know I've been called to. Get going on my fashion show, whatever else happens, happens.

"Chorus Girls, Teeth, and Packing"

Three again last night:

One involved girl celebrities (Katie Holmes, Nancy McKeon, Madonna, and Nicole Kidman, that I can remember) dressed as chorus line girls. I was with them... dressed the part as well. There was a red rope and a line.  I was down on the floor part of the time, during some sort of emergency. Nancy McKeon was the only one talking to me, instructing me during the emergency. An army or some sort of crowd had rushed in to the square where we were.

The second dream involved my best friend from college, Ramin, examining my teeth. He had one of those mirrors that dentists use and was looking at all of my teeth. Them being in great shape somehow told him that I was being good, and that I was an OK person. I think I was in a bus.

The third dream involved packing. I was at some sort of camp and I had to go on a mini trip within the camp. My sister and I were sharing a suitcase and I had to re-pack only my things for a day trip, in a smaller suitcase. I was going through all the pockets and pulling out wads of her dirty clothes. I also went through like 6 different PJs. One had teddy bears and rainbows. One was dark blue with other tropical colors and buttons down the front with a lapel and everything. One was pastel with some other childish print made of T-shirt jersey.

The amount of PJs stood out to me. I had picked two that I wanted to take with me and was still looking through the others as if I would pick more. But then it dawned on me that I only needed one pair, for one night. I then wondered why we had so many pairs in the first place.

All I can say as to where the dreams came from is that I was shopping yesterday trying to find some PJs. (I didn't find any.) I talked to my sister yesterday... about her kids and them dressing up.

One of my teeth (that had a small veneer just at the top by the gums) chipped off a couple days ago, and has been making me think that I don't like fake crap on my teeth that may come off and cause more hours in the dentist chair. (I don't like dentist visits!)

Anyway, If I was going to get all philosophical about it, I'd mention that I've been wondering about Ramin and his faith. If he is dealing with his Muslim roots, if he's gotten further in or out of that... and also if he has been thinking further about our differences or if he still thinks of me as a good person. (He's liberal, I'm conservative. He's Muslim, I'm Christian. He's gay, I'm straight.... The list goes on. But he is in my top 3 favorite people in the whole world.) I haven't spoken to him in almost a year. (minus via computer.)

I could also go philosophical with the suitcases and mention that my counselor (who I go see tomorrow) told me to journal and to think of myself as Saul hiding in the luggage; I have been called to great things, but I'm stuck in the baggage. When I go through my history and my "baggage" it often brings up my sister and all that her domination over me contributed to my "issues". I need to take out her "dirty clothes" so to speak, and pack my own suitcase; not giving her any more power. She has no power over me anymore; she doesn't even want it. That was literally years and years ago. But my "mold" has not been broken.

"Fashion choices"

I had a frustrating dream last night.

I was going somewhere with my family (mom, dad, sister... not husband and kids).

I had to get dressed, but I couldn't find anything I liked. I had a huge closet (more like a back stage dressing room) to choose from. It was all from the early 90's; lots of baggy things, lots of skin tight things.

The most memorable pair of items I put on was an over sized gauzy white button-up shirt, over a long jean skirt that was tattered and had a slit up the back that nearly went to butt cheek level. 

My hair was even in a early 90's style.

The above outfit was too "blocky" and unflattering, so I put on a skin tight long floral skirt with gathering up the sides, ala Spanish dancer. This was probably the fifth outfit I tried, (not to mention the long racks of stuff I had just looked at).

I'm always intrigued by these type of dreams.

I have them every few months. I try on outfits and don't seem to like any of them. They are almost always from the 80's or 90's. Occasionally I'll try on all things that I do like, and occasionally they will be modern.

I always wonder, "Is it about fashion?" (since that is what I have a BA in, and what I want to be spending time on.) OR, "Is it about choices?" and that's just how God talks to me because it is a language I enjoy.

Is it about my career, or lack there of? About what I should be doing with my time? About spending time doing things that really don't fit? Why are the clothes outdated? Am I doing things that I was once called to, but now am not? Or is my fashion calling outdated? 

So many questions. I think I'll go to the dog park. :-)