Killing Mice, and Changing Clothes

Disturbing dream last night...
I'm not sure if you know the story of the one day in my life when I had to kill a living creature (larger than a bug)... It was a rabbit that my dog and another dog chased down and attacked. Both dogs merely wanting to 'play' with the rabbit; they didn't kill it in their attack; they merely passed it back and forth between each other while it screamed in agony over it's internal injuries. The screaming was unbearable, so I stepped in and grabbed the rabbit (I had gloves on because it was winter), and I strangled it. It was horrible. I hope to NEVER have to kill anything ever again.

Well... last night's dream made me re-live this terrible experience, only this time it was a mouse the size of a cat.

In the dream I was in a complex house with many rooms and a strange lay out. There was a mouse problem in the house. I was with someone who reminded me of one of my parent's friends when I was 8 or so, named Sam. The man in my dream also reminded me of a college teacher I had named Eddie. (It's interesting now that I'm awake to think that, "yes, they are very similar". I would've never thought of those two in the same sentence.) Anyway we found three mice (all three HUGE like rats, but cute like mice) in one room hiding under a hole in the baseboard. I grabbed one, that seemed to grow in my hands to where I actually wondered if I was holding a mouse or a cat. I started to strangle it, then I snapped it's neck, then twisted it, and shook it violently. I could feel a thin cord in it's neck, that felt like a tendon with a pulse. I thought it was dead and we started walking toward the laundry room that led to the garage and the trashcan, but then a pulse came back and I took the mouse (now back to only 5 inches or so) and slammed it's legs on the corner of the wall (again, very violently).
All of the whacking on the wall woke me up. I woke up grimacing and quite disgusted with myself. The vibe in my room was a little eerie, so I said a short prayer and got up to pee. It was 3:10AM.

The dream I woke to at 6:10 was quite a bit nicer. :-)
I had returned from some event and was dressed in a fancy blouse that was very architectural (probably from watching Project Runway last night). I arrived at a dorm/apartment and saw a few old friends/acquaintances. (Robbie and John, aka "Pucket", both "Sk8er punks" back in the day if you want to give them a label.) They wanted to take me out to a bar for some drinks. I asked them if I was OK in what I was wearing, but they said I should change. I went in to change and my friend Ramin was there saying I looked fabulous. :-) My mom was there too and said I looked nice in the blouse. I had already taken off the blouse and was in a bikini top when I went to argue with the boys that the "manager" (speaking of my mom) said that I was fine in what I was wearing.
...and that was as far as I got before I woke up to the sound of my daughter getting ready for school.

My dogs are ready for their walk, and I have no real insight anyway, so I'm leaving today's post right there.

Sister Frida

I'm not sure if last night's dream was about my real sister, or my swell sisters (the art group I'm in).

I was in a small upper apartment that belonged to my "sister". (Oh, and before that there was something about going up in a parking garage.) Inside the apartment I went to the bathroom, which was open to the master bedroom. As I was sitting there my sister came in talking to some people. I didn't mind the other ladies that came in, but then a man came in and I gave my sister the evil eye, like, "get him outta here!"
There was a wall to my right that blocked him and others from seeing me unless they walked all the way into the room and looked back. I sat in fear that someone would come in far enough and do just that. The man was older and very large, and supposedly my sister's dad. I stayed on the toilet and started reading something I found on a table near by. It was a flier about a Frida Kahlo play. I read (or heard her say) that my sister was going to play 'the best Frida ever'! She was determined. As I thought about this, I could see my sister dressed up like Frida, and the whole thing form in my mind. I was going to play the "floozy". In my mind I saw Ann Jillian playing the part... and that's who I was going to try to be like. (ha!)
I got up and went to the closet. (It looked a lot like my mom's closet from when I was a teenager at VAFB.) A little Hispanic girl was there in the room with me, watching me look through the gowns. I saw multiple princess type dresses, but I was looking for something lounge singer-esk. I finally found a white flapper number that was made of mostly feathers. I started to put it on and noticed, out the window and over a balcony, lots of my sister's friends pulling up for a cast party.
Then I woke up.

Even though the person in my dream was clearly my sister, I think it could be about my swell sisters because they have a Frida Kahlo connection (where my sister does not). #2 this wouldn't be the first dream I've had where my real sister represented them. #3, the father in the dream was "her" father but not mine. He was very Diego Rivera-esk too, which would point back to my art group.
I'm not sure what "playing Frida" is about... simply about art... or more about her dramatic life... or about her illness? In my dream there was no art, and I saw more in my mind about the drama than anything.
Ann Jillian was the star of "Jennifer Slept Here" and old sitcom I used to watch when I was a kid. I thought she was so cool! I wanted to be like her. So, it's interesting that I picked her. I don't like the "other woman" in the Frida story. But here I was going to make her as cool as I ever wanted to be; Wearing white and everything. hmmm?
Another thing that stands out to me in the little girl in the room. The night before's dream had a little girl as well... randomly placed... who dropped her shoe in the pool and I fished it out. She was a little black girl... and this dream had a little Mexican girl. Both of them don't seem to be part of the story, but both are watching me as I do something. Interacting in a very subtle way. I wonder if it's not something about how little girls are watching me live my life... and what am I going to do to be a good example to them?
I help in kid's church once a month, and there are lots of little girls in there who look up to me. They grab my arm and snuggle up against it during our sitting down time. Or they tell me all about there pets at home. They pull at my dress and say it's pretty, or at the colored streak in my hair. I wonder (from the night before's dream) if my weight loss journey will effect a little girl... or if (from last night's) my dressing floozy-ish will effect another.
I'm debating on whether or not to get a tattoo... I wonder if that would effect a little girl.
In the book I finished a while ago the author was talking about the next generation of girls and what we will do to influence them. It's a huge calling, one that has been dropped by way too many people.
TV shows and commercials are raising our kids, instilling their values. My son watches the Disney channel a lot (as well as Cartoon network and Nickelodeon), and even aside from the shows that are on, the mini music videos they put between shows teach all the little girls that they need to look sexy and hard to be attractive. The shows teach boys that they are a few steps below girls in their intelligence, and that it's OK for them to be treated as pee-ons, but at the same time, that they get to control how girls look, because it's all about getting them aroused. Ugggg... I could go on about this, but you get the point.

A Refreshing Pool of Skinniness

I'll just jump right in.

Last night's dream started with my friend Alyson crafting on the floor between two pews at a church. I was there with her, watching, then my ex's dad, Steve, came and we walked outside with Cheryl's dog "Bear", through a very green lawn. The lawn had sprinklers going, that we dodged as we made our way to a big pool. There were two in-ground hot tubs right beside the pool. The pool was long and rectangular and had a basketball court that butted up against the back of it. I wanted to go in the hot tub but I knew it would feel better after the main pool, so I went ahead and dove into the pool which had other people in it too. It was very refreshing. Then a little girl who was walking along the edge by the basketball court took off one of her shoes and it dropped into the water. She was going to lean in to get it, but it was sinking fast, so I dove down to get it. The pool was VERY deep; luckily the shoe had only gone half way down. It was a tiny blue "Ked" type sneaker.
When I got up from my dive, my other ex boyfriend, Brent, walked into the scene carrying a bunch of taquitos wrapped in foil with names written on the sides in black sharpie (like they do at Chipotle). I saw "Moo" written on one of them: (My nick name). I said, "Is that for me?" he told me I could have it after he delivered the rest, but I insisted that he give it to me then. I got out to take it. It was a simple deep fried tortilla that had been wrapped around guacamole and some shredded pork. I don't remember eating it, but I walked back inside after that into a room that was set up for a party. I guess the party was over because my friend Dori and her mother were cleaning up all the streamers and such. I started to help them tear things off the ceiling... which amazingly enough, I could reach.
And that was the end.

Meaning...
I hope that seeing Alyson in church means she's going back. The crafting there on the floor would indicate that she was "being herself" at church. That's good too!
Steve coming to take me to a refreshing pool speaks about the diet I was just on. He is the one who gave me the homeopathic hCG drops that helped me loose 20 pounds and feel great about myself for the first time in a long time.
Walking Bear is just a tie in from last night when I went on a walk with Bear.
Brent coming with a taquito for me... Well I had Chipotle last night, so that makes sense... but why Brent? Maybe because when I started my hCG diet his facebook response was "Just eat right and exercise more". (Which is what I'm doing to loose the next 20.) ??? Anyway, the only parts that baffle me are about the shoe and about Dori's party. I'll have to go check when Dori's birthday is... maybe I missed it.

Waking... Whispering

Today is the first day of school for my kids. Needless to say, it's a little like Christmas morning where you don't really get a good night's sleep due to the anticipation.

This morning's dreams were not terribly memorable, but the ones from right around 3:00 were, so I'll share those.

In the first dream I was walking through what appeared to be a movie set. Many of my old "drama geek" friends (of which I used to be) were all posed for a picture. They were dressed in turn-of-the-century clothes and made up like corpses. The girls had Bride of Frankenstein hair-dos, and the guys looked straight out of "Interview with a Vampire". Some people were sitting in fancy chairs, and other people were on the ground or on fallen tree trunks, in lounging positions. Still others were hung to trees by nooses. There was fake blood and fake neck wounds, etc. on various people. It was a very artsy scene... morbid, but beautiful at the same time.

In the second dream I was in my home from Edwards AFB when I was a pre-teen. I was either naked or barely had anything on (I can't remember now), but I was walking from my room into the living room and all of a sudden a thick fog filled the house. It was wet like mist but not as wet as it should've been for that amount of 'cloud'. I sensed something wrong and began to speak to the fog in tongues. As usual, in my "casting out demon" dreams, my voice was only a whisper, and that put a fear in my heart (as it always does)... which in turn wakes me up... I woke up whispering in tongues. My dog, laying beside me, came up to my face to see if I was OK. I went ahead and finished what I was saying, unsure if I needed to deal with something in the room, or if it had just been in my dream. Generally speaking, I figure if it's in my dream... it's in my room.

I got up to pee (which is when I looked at the clock and saw that it was 3:00), then I went back to sleep and had a dream about taking a shower.
Sometimes you need a good shower after yucky stuff has filled your brain. :-)