The Herring Chair

I have started a new dream painting based on a dream I had the night before last.
The dream was about my baby leaving home.
My daughter just graduated from high school and will be going to college in the fall away from home.

She is debating on leaving earlier to try to get a job at Disney Land. She basically grew up at Disney Land. We lived very close until she was 5, and now my parents live in Anaheim.

In the dream she was heading out to catch a boat that would take her away. The boat was about 2 miles out and people were taking rafts and paddle boards out to it. My husband got on one of the rafts and was saying goodbye to her, but I missed the raft and every other boat that was in the water. My daughter got farther and farther away and I had no way of getting to her. I looked around and found a Lazy Boy chair floating near the entrance of an alley, I got in and proceeded to paddle my way out to sea. But when I looked down my lap was full of fish. I threw the shiny silver fish out by the handfuls, but there kept being more. My attempts were futile and I finally gave up and looked down the alley where there was an area with old Sesame Street toys from my childhood. (Ones that I had saved for my daughter and that are now passed on to my sister's kids.)

The boat that was out in the water was a Ferry that was surrounded by fanciful characters and mer-people. The chair that I found was a desert mauve corduroy Lazy Boy that was my parent's chair, and the chair that I rocked my daughter to sleep on every night until she was 4. The fish in my lap were herrings. That is important to the dream's meaning because my maiden name is Herring.

I'm a Good Mom

After numerous days of bad dreams, I finally had some good ones.

The only bad one you haven't heard about since my last post was me with a bunch of teen girls (friends of my daughter), having a sleep over in which 4 or 5 guys were trying to sneak in through the windows and kill us. No fun!

So last night when I had three dreams all about the same pleasant topic, I was greatly relieved.
In the first dream, which I don't remember much, my mom's mom, "Nanny", was telling me I was a good mom. In the last dream I had, which I don't remember much either, my dad's mom, "Grandma", was telling me I was a good mom.
In the middle dream, which I remember quite well, an older Hispanic lady was telling me that my husband and I were doing a good job at parenting.
You may recall that three dreams in one night all with the same "message" means that it's a definite. Like if you had three dreams that your house was on fire, in the same night... I'd get some insurance, or go to counseling if you feel the "fire" is symbolic.

The second dream in it's entirety was as follows:
My family and I were coming into a large hotel room and having all kinds of family fun frolicking on the bed wrestling, telling stories, and getting back rubs. At some point an older Hispanic lady came in. I walked around the place shutting doors and windows and getting ready for bed. We all slept on the same bed... even the older lady. Then as we woke up, we sat on the bed and talked. I looked around the room only to find that we were in a huge open room with tons of beds lined up side to side, like you'd imagine an orphanage or war hospital. (No bunk beds). One by one people started waking up from their beds and grabbing their bags and leaving. I immediately had two thoughts; one was "oh no, our talking must have disturbed them... I didn't know they were there", and the second thought was a revelation about what kind of place this was. It was for people who worked in the city and could not commute home each night, so they stayed in this old Laundromat that had been turned into a shelter. The people didn't use the small bathroom that was at the shelter because there was only one and they could get ready (even leaving with messy hair in yesterday's clothes) at work. We had somehow stayed there without that being our story. As people were leaving, a lady cried out in a panic. Her stuff had been moved and her friend was not in her usual bed. It turned out that her friend was the older lady that had slept with us. Our lady ran over to the panicked lady and calmed her down, handing her her stuff and saying that she had been there the whole time etc.
I went over to make sure things were OK, and that is when the older Hispanic lady gave me a hug and whispered in my ear that my husband and I were doing a good job at parenting. I was very happy, and a peace flooded my heart.

Facing a Storm, Dad's Sand Mound, and Complicated Water Works.

Three dreams in fairly rapid succession last night... and you know what that means. (Three dreams in a row... IF they go together, are dreams with an unchangeable message.)

My first dream was on a boat. I was with my family. The boat had an inside and an outside. I was down inside the boat and asked my son if he wanted to go up to the deck. I knew when I asked (and so did he) that we would not be able to go back inside if we chose to stay outside. On the deck my parents were dealing with boat type stuff and very quickly a storm rose up. The storm was massive. We all had on rain ponchos and were basically holding on for dear life. One wave came up and over the side of the boat, washing the floor of the deck. Then another much larger wave started to form on the opposite side of the boat (the side to my left, which was actually starboard, because I was facing back). The wave looked like it was three stories high and paused for a moment before it crashed over us. I was so frightened of it, but my mom wasn't. Then as it hit it fell with the force of tap water. We were fine. I looked at my mom and she gave me a very knowing look. That was the end of dream #1.

Dream #2 was on the shore. My parents and my kids and I were laying on a beach. It was like we had been washed ashore, but it was pleasant. All I could see of the scene was our legs and sometimes arms and the sand they were on with the bubbles from the tide that was rolling in and out. It was very peaceful. We talked awhile and then sat up. My view was not of the ocean. The camera of my dream was as if I was in the water and focused in on my dad's legs and arms as he built up a mound of sand to "protect" his spot from water coming in. The mound he had made was only about 16" wide and high, and the water just went around it, making it completely obsolete.

Now the tricky part is that I don't remember if the conversation that I remember goes to dream #2 or dream #3. It seems to fit better in #3, but I almost want to put it in with #2. So I'll stick it in the middle:
The conversation was about my dad having a job overseas. I think the area they were talking about was in Northern Europe. But the words that were being said sounded like they didn't want him there, so they probably wouldn't move after all.

In dream #3 we were visiting the Gores. It was my family and my parents and we were walking down a street in Northern Europe. The Gores lived there and I guess it was where my dad's possible job was... but as we know from the conversation mentioned above... he wasn't going to take the position. Jennifer Gore (My mom's BF) was still alive and walking with us. Monnie Gore and my dad were talking and the kids (all the correct age for 2011) were walking along too. The shops had things like wooden dolls and coo-coo-clocks. The streets were cobblestone and there was a quaint little bridge that reminded me of my favorite visit to Germany. We went to the Gores' house which was not like any I have dreamt of before, other than it being on a hill. It was on a crowded street where the houses share an outside wall. Inside people were talking about getting hungry and where we would go to eat. I guess my son must have had some say, because Taco Bell was the decision. Everyone got up to go walk to the Taco Bell, which I guess was down the street a couple blocks. I had to go to the bathroom and wash my hands. I went in the bathroom but left the door open (or maybe there was no door). It was small and in the front of the master bedroom. Standing at the sink which was wedged in a corner, I could see into the living room and down to the kitchen. (There was brownish/bronze old shag carpet in the living room.) The sink was ill fitted into the space on the small Formica counter top. I couldn't get the water to come on. The nob that seemed to be the way to turn it on just leaked a little at the base when I messed with it. I tried one more thing, then looked out to the living room for help. Everyone else had left except my mom and Jennifer who were waiting on me. Jennifer came over to help. She grabbed two different chords; one looked like an old kitchen sink pull-out nozzle, (You know the ones from the 70's with the black head and little squeeze trigger, and a silver ring right next to the head, and near the hose, which was also silvery.) and the other chord was more like a tasseled rope that you'd pull for service at an old timely hotel. The tasseled one came from under the sink and the first was just where you'd expect it to be... but the water came out of a whole other faucet that looked normal for a bathroom.
That was the end the 3rd dream.

So the question is... is there a theme? Do they fit together? or not? and either way, what are they saying?

The first dream reminded me a lot of one I had not long ago where the line of church people were going to "camp" with all their stuff, and I asked my son if he wanted to go home instead, and he said "Yes", knowing, that that was a final decision. In this dream the "final decision" was to be protected under the deck, or out in the storm. We chose the storm. And fortunately it turned out that the storm didn't hurt us. I really liked that dream. I love getting a message that whatever is coming, isn't going to hurt me. It's the same message I got a while back in my dream about the Bay area cracking off into the ocean, but that we would be fine.

The second dream was interesting to me because of its perspective. I never saw faces, not even chests. I was looking at my dad from a place on the beach that I was not sitting. It was a third person... very zoomed lens kind of dream. (Most of the time when I have third person dreams I can see the whole scene, so this was odd. It was also odd to have my dad build something so pitiful and think it may work.

The third dream, which was the "fullest" of the three (though not as meaningful as the first to me), was one of just a few over my life where I have dreamt of a deceased person being alive in the present. Jennifer died a few years ago.
I'm not sure if my dad's job predicament had any meaning in the dream. My parents have always talked about going back over seas if Dad could get a pastoral position in a church in Italy. I'm not sure how often he looks into that possibility, but I know he has a few times.
The Gores lived near us when we lived in Italy, so them being in that part of the world makes sense (even though they live in Colorado now).
The state of the house... having shared walls, having an old shag carpet, and the sink with the retro nozzle and Formica counter top, were all things that didn't speak well of the situation of the house. My mom has mentioned on occasion how much Jennifer held that family together, and now that she is gone it's just not the same. I see that played out with her being the one to help me, and even how she had to pull on two things to make the water work correctly.

Anyway, I'll have to think further about any theme. Right now, I kind of see them as separate. Though the first and second could be related, and the second and third (with regards to my father's job and sand mound) could be related.

Don't let the 11 year old Drive.

In last night's dream I was driving a white car... maybe the one I had 12 years ago and I pulled up to a loading zone that reminded me of a car port at a Vegas hotel; tons of cars and taxis. I could see my mom and my sister inside checking out and grabbing baggage. We motioned for them to come over. (I was with my family.)
They got in and as we pulled away we were in a large bus. It was now only my mom and I, and my son, and the driver.
Somehow my son took over driving (He's only 11)and he was doing very well. My mom and I were moving all around the bus not concerned with safety at all. We were not paying attention to what my son was doing, just talking and having a good time.
Then it occurred to me to go check on him and I walked up to the front and just watched his driving for a moment. I saw a bicyclist in front of him and then watched in horror as he drove right over him. Again I saw more people on bikes and some pedestrians just walking down the middle of the street oblivious to the large bus behind them, and he ran over them as well. It wasn't bloody or gory or anything, It was more like a video game where each person you run over just disappears under you without so much as a hick-up. I yelled for my son to watch out and not to hit people, but he didn't seem to care about anything I was saying. Then he totally went off the road and started going over trees and other obstacles as if they were nothing. It was just like his video game that when you run into a bush it's like it's not there, and then reappears after you're over it.
I woke up (this was about 5:00) in disbelief; wondering if there was any meaning to the dream, or if I had just seen too many video games lately. If there is a meaning, it's probably, "don't let an 11 year old run the show... his brain is too full of video games."

Advice and Tres Leche Cake

The night before last I had an "advice" dream, featuring my pastor's wife and a few other church ladies.
In the dream I was watching one of the worship leaders at my old church, and talking to my pastor's wife about my involvement. She was telling me that I needed to step it up. I also had to get my friend Terese's shoes in the dream. And in the dream Terese was wearing all brown. In one book I read the author said brown signifies pastoral stuff, but who knows. All I know is that it's pretty clear that I need to get my act together this coming year and not be so apathetic about my "assignments".

Last night I had two dreams; one about an ex of mine (Shane) making Tres Leche cake and I was instructing him. I was also noticing his muscular build and his air force hair-do. (This is new in dreams, cause typically I dream of him the way I remember him from high school or college days, not the way he is now.)
I think the part about the cake has to do with me being on a diet after so many sweets over Christmas, so now automatically my brain goes to what I can't have.
At the end of the dream my husband and kids were calling me to get in the car and leave. I told Shane he looked good and gave him a hug. Then I commented that he smelled good too, (I had a brief naughty thought, and must have been shocked at myself, cause I woke myself up.) :-)

The dream before that is fuzzy, but I remember one part in particular where I had to use the rest room and couldn't find it,(a common occurrence in my dreams). I finally found a green house looking building that was the rest room and I went in.
I could see through the glass walls, but they were dark and foggy with vines and such growing up around the outside so I didn't worry about people seeing in. I sat down, only to look behind me and see at least ten other people. I decided to just look forward (through the glass) and not think about what the others may be doing.
It was an odd dream, but then again, so are all of my "potty dreams".

Tidal Wave

Real quick... (Cause I gotta go to church)

Last night I had a dream inside a dream.
I had a dream that there was a tidal wave and that my family was safe. Then I woke up (inside the dream) and was getting up with my husband. We lived in an old Victorian three story house up on a hill. We got dressed and I noted that everyone else was asleep. That included my kids and my aunt and one other child... maybe my niece or nephew. We were all on the top floor. I walked down stairs with my husband and out to the front porch. I looked down the hill to the main street of the town. (The hill we were on was at least a half a mile above the rest of the town). We were both standing there like with our morning coffee or something and a white rolling cloud could be seen in the distance. As I focused on it I could tell it was a tidal wave crashing through the city. I looked at my husband and said, "I dreamed this! Don't worry, we'll be OK. We need to go upstairs." We thought about waking everyone up, but I had a peace about being OK, so we didn't.
Then I woke up for real... pretty freaked.

Weird huh?

Questioning Places

Last night's dream started in a palace type hotel room in the middle east. I was there with my sister and my grandma. I went down without them to the dining room which was also grand. I sat down at a table full of Arab men. The parade of food started. Tons of tea as well. One man left and his place sat empty for a while. I invited the tea server to sit down with us. The other men at the table gave me a look of disapproval, but the server stayed. One of the men to my right asked me why I had chosen to move to that part of the world. My brain raced with reasons, including witnessing, but I only spoke of my long time dream of coming to Morocco and Jordan and Israel. (All of which I visited this past year.) I spoke of my love of the cuisine and the decor.
Then the meal was over and a few Arab women took my family and I on a walk on a country road. It was a long trek, like we were going far out of town to get away. The dirt road ran beside crops and carts (very reminiscent of the end of "Fiddler on the Roof"). One of the women asked me why I only had two children. I started to talk about me not being the "mom" type, but I realized it sounded 'wrong' in that culture, so I didn't talk further about it.
Then the dirt road came to a paved road going up a hill. We crossed over and started walking up the hill on the gravel on the right side. As we went up the hill I saw another dirt road that went off to the right and down the other side of the hill. I stopped to look closer saying to my husband, "I think that's the road... the one from my dreams that leads to the wise man's house." (In most of my dreams I am approaching the road by coming down the paved road, making it off to the left. This was the first time I had seen it from the other direction. It's also the road that led to the horse stables and ranch house from a different dream.)
I was very intrigued and followed the road down the hill. It was a very long road but my sight moved like I was on wheels looking through a movie camera. the walk/roll down didn't take long at all. As I got to the bottom I rounded the bend and realized it was the horse ranch, not the wise man's house. There was the same gravel parking area that they both share, but the wooden beams framing the area and the wagon wheel on the stone wall of the building let me know it was the horse place not the wise old man's house. There were beautiful trees surrounding the area. It was very picturesque.
Knowing that I had been there before I didn't think anything of walking right inside. Inside was no where I had been before. It was a man's house that was a little dated with shag carpet and linoleum, beer cans, wood paneling, and other 70's looking things. The TV was on in a room only separated from the entry by a half wall with a "window" in it. The man walked through that room, as did 5 dogs. The dogs were all mutts, but you could clearly see breeds in them; like one was mainly bull dog, another mainly cattle dog, another a mix of Saint Bernard and pug. A few of the dogs came over to see me one by one. I knelt down and petted them. The man said something to me about the place, but I don't remember.

Meaning...
Well, I did prepare a Moroccan feast Friday for 12 ladies from my church.
We have been talking about travel a lot in my house...
And I've been babysitting dogs all week. All of those elements are explainable...
Why though, was there the horse place? Why was it not the wise man's place that I wanted to find? Or are the horse place and the wise man's place one in the same, and I see which ever makes sense that night. Is the horse place about humility and service, and the wise man's house about encouragement and empowerment? Do they intertwine?
Why was it coupled with the middle east. I just finished reading "Son of Hamas" (a great true story!) My mind is definitely on the middle east, just because of our nearing the "End". Well, it could be as simple as that. I'll ask God to show me if there is any further connection.

Crayons in the Pool, and Food I Can't Have.

real quick...

I had a dream about my son coloring at the bottom of a pool and leaving the crayons down there. In the morning the pool was full of water and the crayons were still at the bottom of the pool.

Dream #2 had a HUGE spread of yummy food at a side bar... all dessertish... Baklava was among them... lots of it. I started to put some on my plate. My mom and family were there. Then I sat down and a friend's son, Justin Parrish, was sitting to my left. He opened a bag and out poured tons of sliced papaya. On the table there was pineapple and other tropical fruits. I looked at it all and said, "I can't have any of that."
That was the extent of the dream.

(this diet is driving me batty.)

So Many Unwritten

I had my family visiting for the past week, so I never took the time to write my dreams. I did, however, have many nights of very interesting dreams. (Seems to always happen when they visit.)
I really wish I would've taken time to write them.

Last night's involved peeing in inappropriate places. (My nephew peed on my couch yesterday.) It was me doing the peeing in the dream though... in a doll's bed. At the end of the dream (after much pee related material) I had my husband below a table at a HS reunion in Vegas, doing things to me that are reserved for the bedroom. It was an all around "inappropriate" dream.

The night before I had a dream about switching rooms with my sister. My room had all of my old silver, black, and pink furniture, and her room had oak furniture, lots of knickknacks, a huge closet, and a small filing cabinet on her dresser. (We saw an old filing cabinet at the antique store Wednesday that my mom said would be good for my sister's organizing business.)
We switched rooms (I don't remember why) and an old lady came to look at our rooms. I showed her my sister's room as if it was my own. (Her room was very far from my style and would not have fooled anyone who knew us... so the lady must not have known us.)
It was a strange dream, and yet another dream about me being in my sister's closet looking at clothes. This time it passed beyond the clothes, and I looked through all of her things. I don't know what she did in my room cause I never went back in there.

This theme of my sister's clothes etc. is curious to me. I wonder if it has to do with weight... or if it's more about shared experiences as children... or the things I've adopted from my sister in my personality. hmmmm.

Island Vacation, Bath Cave, and Highrise Homework

In mt first dream I was swimming in an enormous man-made lake. We were on vacation of some sort and had just arrived to our island home. The scene around the side of the lake that we were on was very 'other worldly'. It looked like a movie set. The houses were built way too close to the water, jutting out of the (not very high) cliffs. There was brown showing around the homes, and vines hanging sporadically. There were wooden deck walkways from some houses and others you had to use the vines to get to.

We had been dropped off somewhere in the lake and were swimming to shore with a group of people. The only person outside of my family that I recognized was our friend Greta. (That makes sense because we have been on vacation with her twice, and really don't see her otherwise.) A large man led us up the bank and then we made our way around the cliffs to our 'home'.  That's all the dream had in it.

The second one was also about water, and lots of it. It was a roman bath house type place, but huge, and more like a cave. I was with a few of my Swell Sister ladies and we were 'bathing'. There were a few tiers to the place, and above one was a large water fall that glowed with a golden hue. The whole dream was just swimming around and climbing and being in the water fall etc. No talking. I had to wake up from the dream to pee in the middle of the night.

The third one was in a city setting. I was with my dad and we were visiting my friend Dori. It was a school day and I had to get to school soon. We were up really high in a sky-rise in her apartment in down town LA. (Even though she doesn't live there, or in an apartment, but the school we went to together was.) She was showing us her new doggies. (She does have a new doggy since I saw her last, but these dogs were not the right breed.) The dogs in the dream were "purse dogs", one black and brown and white with furry pointy ears like a papillon, and  the other was like a white miniature poodle.  I was holding one and we were looking out the window talking about taking it down to pee. But I realized I was late for school and I started urging my dad to hurry and take me. I grabbed my back pack, but I didn't have my books. I scrambled to find the books, got them into the bag and then realized I hadn't done my homework. I had English and some sort of Science. Then I reasoned with myself that I wasn't going for a grade, I was a grown up, and it really didn't matter that I hadn't done my homework. Reasoning with myself led me to remember I'm not really in school, and then I woke up.

Once again, I am at a loss for any meaning... but they were interesting dreams none-the-less.

Awkward

My first dream:
I was with my mom and dad. We were at a mall because I wanted to go shopping. We had been walking for a very long time through halls with shops along the sides behind windows and doors. (It reminded me of Las Vegas when you have to go through a long hallway of shops from the parking garage to the main casino area.) The building we were in was old though; it was brick, and looked like a museum. After walking and still not shopping for a very long time, I actually said, "This mall is more like a museum." It was about at that point that we 'got some where'. My mom, in answer to my question, said, "Well let's go down this way." We started down some stairs that led to a Marie Calendars, but the stairs soon became a ladder. There were rungs every few feet, but the main handle on the sides was only every 6 feet. For some reason I wasn't using any of the middle rungs, only one every 6 feet that lined up with the handle. I was dropping, only holding the sides for the entire length of my body each time. My parents were coming down the ladder rung by rung, but face first... like they were crawling "spidey-style" down towards me.  I complained about the ladder. Almost directly after the complaint (and my mind thinking about what I was doing, and how I could do it differently) we were at the bottom. Instead of going through the restaurant, or sitting down, we went just to the right of the ladder where there was a bed. My mom lay on the bed on the right side, and I lay on my belly with my head and arms dangling off the end on the left side. Again, I stopped and realized what I was doing, and repositioned myself. The bed was very lumpy and I said it was better before. My mom thought that maybe I just needed less noise to be able to sleep, so I went to turn off the TV (no longer in the restaurant atmosphere). When I got to the TV I noticed that it had been recording every show for the past like 6 or so hours. I took some time to try to delete each show. (Probably more from my ipod frustration the other day... cause now I have so many unwanted songs to delete.)  The dream ended in frustration.


My next dream was far weirder.

I was riding the back seat of an open-air jeep type vehicle with four guys in the front and two more in the back with me. They almost all had guns (very skinny and short ones of varying colors, which they talked about,) and we were driving through a neighborhood to do a drive-by shooting. They weren't aiming for people, but they wanted to scare the residents. They were all very "hard" looking, and talked in a way that said "gang" to me. We went around this neighborhood like three times, each time I faced inward and didn't look at what they were shooting at off the left side. (I was in the far left of the back seat.) When they were satisfied with their shooting we headed for the leaders house. As we approached the house a small squirrelish animal (without a tail) got on my leg and tried to hump it. I grabbed him to remove him but he just grabbed on to my arm and did the same. I told the guy in the back seat about it and he said, "Just let him do his thing." At this the squirrel bit me and latched on again to my leg. I shook him off as we exited the car at the leader’s house. Once we were in I looked down at the clothes I was wearing. I was dressed like a streetwalker, and shortly after, treated like one. At this point in the dream, unlike in the car, I was playing the role. I smacked my gum, I spoke 'gangsta' and used my body (which was rather slim in the dream) to entertain. At one point there was poop on the floor and I had to clean it up before anyone saw. I knew my place in the gang; I was basically dirt.

A large screen came down from the ceiling and they began to play music videos. The walls of the house went away and the area became huge with three different levels for watching a concert. It wasn't like a stadium, but there were a few seats scattered around and outdoor heaters here and there. A band came to the screen/stage and started to set up. I started to make my way as far away from the gang as I could, I ran into my husband on the top level near a heater and stood with him. The youth pastor from our church, Josh, was there and was announcing this as a "Tribes" event. (That's the name of the youth's Wednesday night service.) I looked around and saw Tribes posters. The gang members and a whole bunch of other people scattered around the place.

Then I woke up.

Times (numbers) in dreams

In the very beginning of my dream last night I was in a public rest room. It was all women and I had to go, but could not find an empty stall. Outside of the stalls there were beauty treatments going on and mud baths and such. I waited for a long time for someone to come out. When I finally got in one of the stalls I realized it was connected to the other two beside it, no walls, only the wall that separated them from the 'beauty area'. I didn't like that. I don't even remember ever actually going past that point, though I know I looked in various other stalls to find a suitable one. That dream ended (or morphed) and this one started...

I was on a school trip of some sort. We stopped at a convenience store to get some snacks. I was looking at bags of Japanese snacks that one of the boys said he liked and that they didn't have any... but I found them. It had a pink wrapper. There was a mini Arbys in the store and one of the nerds from my high school came over and asked if I wanted a sandwich. I said yes and he went to get me one. He came back shortly after, needing some money. The Arby's part of the store closed at 12:30 and it was just about to close (even though it was lunch time). The lady at the Arby's counter also came over and I had to figure out if he had ordered me a sandwich, fries and a drink or just the sandwich cause it was seeming a little expensive. I payed her and we went back outside. It wasn't like a parking lot anymore, it was more like a quad at a school and it led to a class room where some students were watching a film about the earth shifting. I sat down next to my ex boyfriend and started to lean into him. The nerd who had bought me the sandwich (kind of) got a little frustrated. I started talking to my ex about the end of the world. He didn't believe me. The video they were watching was showing that just in the past couple of days the earth's surface had moved many miles. We hadn't felt it. But the satellite camera had taken pictures and we were at that moment watching a part of the video that showed a harbor town with lots of personal boats all moving at once up and over what seemed to be a few miles. I asked if he believed me now. Then that part of the dream faded. 

In the next part I was at my house from when I was 8. I was with my family (mainly my mom and my Aunt Debbie) in the living room watching a movie. I had prom that night and was suppose to be there at 7. I had to car pool with some friends and I was going to pick them up at 6:30. I had not started to get ready at all. It was 6:25 when I realized what time it was. My mom and aunt had not let me look at the time... like they had me watching the movie to forget... or maybe I fell asleep during the movie??? Anyway I jumped up and they protested a little. I explained to them the time and that I had to go get ready. I went to put on my dress and when I got in front of the mirror to do my make-up I had what looked like sun burn blister-bubbles all over my face and chest and shoulders. It was horrible. But I didn't freak out as much as you would think. Instead, I started explaining them to the nerd that had been in the beginning of the dream.

And that was the end.

We've already talked about "potty dreams" in a different post, so I won't go back into that, just sufficed to say that this bathroom was dirty and unappealing, open and unsafe... not the place you want to be sharing your 'stuff'.

As for the convenience store part of the dream.  This is the third (I think) convenience store in my dreams over the past week or so... after possibly a life time of never dreaming of such places, so that in itself makes it interesting. Last time the convenience store was the place I went looking for help about the stolen swell sister car... with no luck. Another time recently I was stopping to get gas and some quick food with my dad, the place ended up repulsing me.

So here I am again in a fast food /convenience /gas station type place and things are not going so well. Convenient is not always the best choice... or should I say, hardly ever is. That goes for food as well as for life lessons.

This time there is a time involved. It is not typical for me to have so many numbers in a dream, or to remember them. In this dream they were all times: Closing time, starting time, time to go, 'oops I'm late' time. 

It seems to me that this being a dream that dealt a lot with time and even the end of the world that  the convenience store closing could have to do with the end of conveniences.  It could be for me personally, as I am trying to be healthier, or it could be grander than that. 

I'm not going to jump to any rash conclusions... this is just what jumps out to me (and of course what I've been studying for the past year now). 12:30 looks a lot like half way through the year '12... which is about the time I think 'conveniences' will end, due to the mass amounts of natural disasters up until that point. 

The dream moves directly from that 'closing time' to watching a video about a major shift in the earth (something predicted by many to happen in 2012). I am trying to convince someone I care deeply about. (I still care very much about my first love, just not in a romantic way. Plus I tend to dream of Shane when it has to do with matters of the religion, because we debate about it nearly every time we talk; him being Catholic and me being Protestant.) The nerd I mentioned in the dream (isn't a nerd anymore) and he is agnostic. I don't typically talk to him about religion at all, but my best friend does.

Prom (probably dreamed of because the Swell Sister's 2nd anniversary this weekend was an 80's Prom theme) being at 7:00, speaks to me of completion and the party at the end of the world. The seventh year, the beginning of the Thousand Year Reign of Christ. (Or for a shallower interpretation... that is the time that our Prom started, but we were suppose to be there at 6:30 to set up... I was 5 minutes late.)

Movies and I have a love/hate relationship. I love good movies, but I use them as an escape. Movies are the one thing that I will waste my time doing. I am getting better, but I relapse often. There are numerous things that I need to "get ready" for... things about my end times ministry... things that hopefully will "pick up my friends and bring them to Prom", but I get side tracked with things as stupid as movies. I pray that I am not "late"! 

I imagine that the blisters on my face, neck, shoulders, and chest were just another end time plague (Rev 16:2) that I was trying to explain to my non-believing friend. In the dream they were just like a sun burn to me, not painful at all, just blisters of air, like before you start peeling. I know this is NOT how they are described at all in the bible, but if we're being biblical about it, only those with the mark of the beast will have them in the first place. Perhaps it refers to the part that says we'll be scorched by the sun? (Rev 16:9).

Hmmmm.  Just a thought.

Who am I?

Tis the week of disturbing dreams, I have decided.

Last night's started with my daughter and I going to her first 'female exam'. It was in a college class room on a table. The room was very large and upstairs. The table was near a window. There were a total of three doctors, each came in one at a time. They were going to fill her "cavity" with some sort of mold making plaster substance. (I think this strange concept came from my husband's inner ear sound system molds that arrived yesterday.)  When the last Dr. came in he wanted to shave her and give her a "wig" made of the hair on her head... which was red in the dream. I told him not to shave her completely, explaining to him and her that it would itch like crazy when the hair grew back in.  He left the room and we escaped. We went down a corridor and some stairs and ended up at my home from my late teens ;(the home that my daughter was born at).

While we were there my dad was talking to me about laundry and a trip. I went outside and sat on the driveway with my two dogs: one from then, and one from now. Back then I had a small Cocker Spaniel mix, and now I have an American Stoffordshire Terrier, so they were quite opposite sitting out there with me. A lady with a stroller walked by and my small dog walked over to see her. 

My parents came out and said it was time for our trip, so I put the dogs away and we got into a van. I sat in the back of the van. We drove to the snow to go skiing. There were a few of us that didn't have socks, so when we reached to snow we had to stop and buy some. I already had on my ski boots when we got out of the van to go in the store. I feel on my butt directly out of the van in some ice, and again inside the store. The whole time I was walking to the store and even inside for part of the time I was texting my daughter's ex-boyfriend, Nick. The store was open on one side like it had multiple garage doors that were all opened that day. It was a packed store and very "costco"-ish. After I looked at a few things I made my way to some metal steps by the street and sat down. I feel asleep. Water rising up to my feet woke me up. I was a little girl, like maybe 6 or 7. I knew I had left my younger sister on another step, so even though I heard my dad calling me, I went back into a tower of sorts that had another metal stairway going down the center to get my sister. She too was down in some water as I pulled her up and we climbed the stairs together. She was blonde and about 4. (My daughter was blonde when she was 4.   hmmm.)

And that was the end of the dream.

Aside from the inner ear molds, there is nothing about this dream that resembles anything from the past few weeks, so it is most definitely not just a compilation of my thoughts.

I'm not sure I want to find out what it all means. 

For reoccurring themes... there's the laundry... and that's about it. hmmmmm. Again, I have to wonder if I was me the whole time, or if while I was texting Nick, was I my daughter? 

Anyway, I'll think about it. For now, I have to go get my kids to school.

Trains... no planes... no automobiles

A few more disturbing dreams.

First one:

I'm driving a train along open, sometimes cavernous, terrain. (at least I think I'm driving; I guess I could have been poking my head out of a back area.)  There is another train and driver in front of me (or if I'm wrong, it's the real driver of my train). The driver of the first train is crazy. He's a skinny mountain man like you'd picture from the gold rush of 49. He seems intent on crashing.  At the finally of the dream a rocking horse/boulder is sliding on a cable directly to the left of the on coming train. I'm watching, thinking, "It's going to hit!" And the Gold miner dude is watching it and getting excited, "wahoo!". On impact, I woke up.

Second one:

I'm in a large store like Macys with my friends (my BF from High School, and three more from now-a-days).

We're looking at cosmetics and there's a serum that says it smooths out your thighs. It's in a tiny vial and very expensive. Everybody says to walk away, but I'm interested. I watch a small demo of the product (I guess on a screen). It shows John Cougar's model wife (don't remember her name) rubbing the cream... that now looks like foundation, over her butt and thighs with multiple tattoos, making them all disappear. I think,"well, shoot, it's only good for one use. Once you get in the water, that's gone." Then I wonder what it actually does for cellulite etc. cause she doesn't have any to start with. On the demo, her butt and legs(which is all you see now) turn into an old lady's butt and legs... naked. She's laying on her belly and slowly her legs disappear and her butt starts to look like the butt of a turkey before it's cooked... but wrinkly.

I walk away. My friends and I all go out to a train station. We are waiting a long time for the train and we all have lots of bags. I start to day dream about something and actually doze off. Minutes later my friends are calling for me from the train which is about half a block down the road on the platform.  I rush to gather the small amount of stuff they've left for me to carry. (A hat box with some socks and shoes, and other pieces of laundry.) I start running and the train starts up. Still running and the train starts moving. "Oh NO!" I start taking huge (supernatural) steps and catch up with the front of the train... which is more like a subway train. I plaster myself to the train and try to scoot around the right side to get to the doors. The conductor puts her head out and says my name with alarm. She opens a door for me and (after dropping most of what I had) I get in.

..and that was the end.

Third one: 

Was at my 6th grade house with my family and my Pawpaw (granddad on my dad's side). I started in my parent's room and then went through our swinging doors to the kitchen to look for food. Pawpaw came too and was looking for food as well.

That's about all I remember about that.

My Weight Journey

In last night's dream I was driving a car trying to get home. I was in college and going to my parent's house. (Part of the time that I was in college I lived with an older couple.) In the dream I was behind their car.  As I was driving (on the freeway) and my steering wheel stopped working and my brakes weren't working either. There was a small up-down, left-right control switchy thing on the dash board, so I started using it. (It was like a video game, where multiple fast small taps to the right were better than just holding it down.) I was supposed to go one way to my parent's house, but I didn't know completely how to get there, and now that my controls were out I thought it would be better to follow the old couple. I followed them until I was severely lost, and then we came to a bridge. I was so scared that I wouldn't have enough control, and that I'd drive off the edge. So I jumped out of the car. 

All of a sudden I was hanging off a drawbridge for dear life. (On the left side, on a rail)

A very large girl (I think Ashley from the biggest looser) came to help me. I held one hand on the rail, and reached up to her hand with the other. I couldn't quite reach her, so I repositioned and bumped up to the next rung. She grabbed my hand and pulled me up. Then as I was standing with the old couple a few feet away, she showed off by jumping down to the side of the rail and hanging by one arm and one leg. We all told her to get up and stop playing around. I walked to a rest area/ border patrol type place on the side of the road. (Don't really remember the walk, or where it was exactly.) But I was sitting on a wooden bench that was more like a wooden bunk bed. There was a top bunk and a bottom bench, and a bench that protruded from the bottom off in an L-shape. My mom was there, like signing me out, and my son was with her. As I waited alone outside on the bench a creature started swirling around me in mid air. It was a very short red snake. The head was like a cobra and the whole short body was fat. His head stayed up and the tail wiggled around like a slow propeller to help him glide in the air. I was very scared of him but he seemed to be friendly, never trying to attack, just 'smelling' me I guess. He hid under a blanket on the top bunk as my son came out to get me. I wanted to show him the snake that acted almost like a floating puppy. I slightly lifted the blanket for him to look, but then I  pushed him back and said, "Oh no, don't touch it."

There was another part of the dream back at my parent's house with food of some sort, but I don't remember it.

I would like to assume that the brakes and things not working on the car derived from going to see "Date Night" last night...  but...

I'd also like to assume that the snake was merely a representation of my son's animal planet show he watched yesterday about "the Creatures from the Bible", in which they had the serpent with legs, the leviathan, the behemoth, and even cherubim and other angelic creatures.

But, one cannot always assume that dreams are merely a jumble of things from the day before. Even if you use things from the day before, there may still be a message in it.

I made a commitment last night to start doing my Wii Fit again, and to going to water aerobics a couple times a week. So I know that loosing weight is heavily on my mind. (My husband has reached his goal, so it stares  me in the face every day.  Don't get me wrong, I love staring at him, but it highlights the fact that I am still miles away from my goal.)

I had a bunk bed when I was little. I slept on the bottom and my sister slept on the top. She would often scare me from the top bunk while we were trying to go to sleep. I was also very afraid of the flower people that I had imagined from the flower print on her mattress that I stared at at night. I have no doubt that demons love to scare children, and they know that their imaginations will help. Even if the snake in my dream is from yesterday's show (which I did not see... just got the run down from my son at bed time,) then it's perfectly safe to assume that it represents Satan anyway, because he is the serpent in the Bible. (I rarely ever dream of snakes, but when I do, they always represent lies. Satan is the father of lies.)

I tend to view this dream as my journey with my weight. It literally all started when I was living with the older couple my first year of college, when I was pregnant. Getting home was very important to me at that time, but the adoption agency that I was being counseled by didn't want me to have much contact with "influential parties". So I didn't go home, and I wasn't allowed to see my boyfriend. (Stupid really, because I just got more attached to the baby in my belly.. and far less likely to give her up for adoption.) 

Anyway, I got fat, (not just pregnant fat). Now-a-days I watch The Biggest Looser as a motivation of sorts. (I fast forward quite a bit. But I love the results, and I love seeing them change.) So Ashley being in my dream fits with pulling me up from hanging off the edge. The snake and the bunk bed, I think, are very old lies that I have believed for most of my life. Things that hold me back in this and other journeys. My son, being overweight as well is believing the same lies. I even showed them to him. I introduced him. I may have said, "Don't touch," but when it all comes down to it, I led him straight down my own path.

Uggg. Please God, let this be the end! I need help.

"Old People"

Yesterday I didn't have time to write, but thought that today, instead of last night's non-remembered dreams, I'd go back and share the night before's.

In my dream, I went up to one of my daughter's friends, named Christian, and started to kiss him. Then he took my hand and said let's go get the keys. I went with him through a very grand hotel lobby and entrance (one I have dreamed of a few times before... with the round central room and white marble floors with black details). We went to a reception area that was similar to an airport waiting area with a check-in counter. In the seating area we plotted about how to get the keys. I would go over and steal them from the desk. But, as I walked to the desk, the ladies there said, "Oh are you so-and-so, here's your keys." So I just grabbed the three keys and went back to Christian. We went through a 'maze' of elevators and stairs, some broken with caution cones around them, and some normal. We felt like we were being followed. We got into a large SUV and drove to a town house community. We parked in a communal lot and walked to the house. There was a key rack right below a small front window. The key chains were all macrame. There were three empty spots that we knew belonged to our keys, and in each spot was one letter that together spelled R I P. It meant that the three people who's keys we had were dead. We took that as a good sign. Then we went inside. On the floor (on mattresses) and on the fold out couches were old people, all asleep. They were all cozy in their quilts and afghans.  We went into a small kitchen to our left and started making hot chocolate for all the old people as they woke up.

I had another dream that I was in a van with a bunch of old people and we arrived at a lady's house that goes to my dad's church. I was getting out and one of the old ladies, who had a walker, was trying to get me to move all the removable seats in the van so that they could get out easier. She was shoving them all over the place and making it more difficult on herself.

I left her and the rest still in the back seat and went through the garage into the kitchen with my family and my parents. We called for the owner of the house, but she wasn't home. I looked through curtains on my left out into a court yard with three picnic tables and a nice flower garden. My mom told me to close the curtains, that I was being rude. I walked to the entry of the house and looked out the front window. I watched trucks and cars go by looking for the owner of the house, but she never came. I noted that she had a good piece of property. She was up on a hill, on a corner. When I realized she wasn't coming, I started down the hallway to my right. It grew. At the end of the hallway were two rooms. I thought the right door would look better on the adjacent wall, and it moved there. The left door, straight ahead, went to an older boy's room that was filled with heavy metal memorabilia. It was a mess with clothes and things all over. The room to the right was like a work shed. It was clear that they belonged to the same boy, but there were no posters on this wall. I thought, "this would make a good music room". Then I walked out.

I had another dream (and I recorded them all), but I went to a Seder service last night and recorded over the dreams... and now I can't remember the last one. Poo.

So... why the old people? This may be a stretch, but one of the songs I've been listening to a lot lately (and am going to see the band in concert tonight) is "Wake Up the Dead" by Family Force 5. The songs talks about the judgmental attitude that they are getting from some of the older members of the church in general. 

This generation is a "praising" generation. Many of the "old" people aren't very happy with the way "Christian" music is sounding. (I have to say, that sometimes I fall into this category with my daughter's "Screamo" christian music.) Anyway, Christ said that the last generation would be a praising generation. 

One old pastor I heard on the radio said, "We need to stop spending so much time singing, and start reading the Bible." His whole message inadvertently down played praise and worship as if they were not an important part of church. I was a little miffed. 

Young people are 'stealing keys' from 'dead' old people. You have to be awake and alert in this time of tribulation. I know many awake old people, so it's not just about being old. I think it's more about "old-fashioned". 

Perhaps we can wake them up... with some hot chocolate, or maybe we will take over their good piece of vacant property, and they will be left in the van. We have the keys.

???

"My Sister"

Last night's dream:

I was in a beauty supply store with my mom. We were picking out hair color. We picked a large (20 oz) jar of cream. The glass jar was amber in color with a metal black lid and no writing.

We went home and were sitting in a room with my sister. At some point prior we had read my sister's diary or schedule book and we knew that she was planning a date that night to go see a movie with Kirk Cameron (her boyfriend). She was asking my mom if she could go, but we knew she had already committed to it.

I questioned her, "Isn't it true that you're going already?" My mom reprimanded me and told me to go in the other room. 

I walked into the living room where my sister's friend and my dad were watching TV. They were watching a movie with Kirk Cameron in it. We were in the movie too and Kirk had just found out that none of us were real or that he wasn't real... I forget exactly. He spilled the Rice Krispies all over the kitchen floor and was picking them up while looking over his shoulder wearily.

I sat on the couch sideways under a blanket in my PJs, (they were really my daughter's PJs).

The I got up to take a shower. I Got out of the shower and stood looking in the mirror with high heels on (they make me look taller and thinner ;-).

As I was standing there a whole conversation about my sister's house ran through my head. Her and her husband had completely paid off their house and were purchasing another one for $25,000, that they would rent out. I thought about that for a while, and went into the hall to talk to her about it.

The End.

This is one of those dreams where I'm not sure I was myself all the time. I could have been my daughter.

One thing is clear... I should really call my sister. That's the third night of dreams about her.

"Pregnant Dreams"

A little foreground...

Yesterday I started the "Truth Project" with the junior high and high school students after church. I'm very excited about that.  

Our youth pastor's baby is due Friday, so that has also been on my mind.

Yesterday was my 11th wedding anniversary. 

I went to bed last night praying that I would have some worth while dreams.

BOY did I!

I had one of a carnival... being there with kids from a class. My son's kindergarten teacher was there, along with many other teachers. One was very pregnant and jumped on a trampoline, fell, but smiled. She was beautiful. There was a fence by the park that was significant.

The next dream I had was that I was given an electronic baby. It was very "real" in size and shape, but had a screen and gears on it's face. It pooped... real baby poop and I went to clean it up in the sink. My mother was there to help me, but we kept hitting the babies head with the door, or the sink edge, or the spout. I was getting mad at my mom and frustrated with myself. The water was not good for the baby. (Duh, he was electric). So the screen went blank like we had killed him. Then words came across it saying that we had to do some steps to fix him or he would explode. It was very nerve-racking.

In my next dream I was pregnant. I was very excited about it. I had only told my family and mom (who was there). I had not even told my sister. I wanted to tell the world. So I decided to go on Facebook. I thought, "oh my sister would be mad if she found out on facebook."  Then as I was walking down the hall, I saw Alicea, (the youth pastor's wife who is due this week.) I stopped her and told her I was pregnant too and "won't it be great! My baby will be born in the same year as yours! Maybe they can get married!" I was so excited!

I had another unrelated dream about having dinner with my husband. (which we did last night, for our anniversary) In the dream he ordered something I didn't want, and I stepped on the tray while climbing down from an elevated picnic table that we were sitting at with an few old high school boyfriends. 

My last dream... I remember the best... and was the craziest...

I was driving down a residential street in a Cadillac. The street was dark feeling. My house from when I was 8 was on a hill to the left. There was a large dip for drainage to the side of the road before the yard started. As I was passing my house I noticed some very small black and brown objects moving in the road. I stopped, did a U-turn and went back to see what they were. I got out and picked them up. They we fetal Rottweiler puppies. There was five of them. They were no bigger than your thumb. I gathered them up and ran them into the house. My husband and kids came in the living room and I asked them to help me. We had Barbie bottles, and My husband got some bowls of cream, but I was yelling at him to go get some formula from the store. I picked the puppies off of my hand and body one by one. There were now far more than 5. The first four were standing on and squishing the runt of the litter. I was so sad for it... it died. After I got the five Rottweilers off, there were some golden retriever, and poodle fetal puppies too. Then I pulled off 3 white fake looking mice. I was disgusted with them and yelled for my daughter to throw them outside. There was also a gerbil looking one that drank a bunch of the milk and was now expanding to 'hand size' and about to explode. I yelled for the kids to take that one outside too, "Quick, before it explodes!"  I was then very frustrated that my husband had not left for the store, I was worried that the milk we had would not be good for them. So pulling the last one or two off of me I ran for the door to go get formula myself!

OK, so... interpretation time.

Pregnant dreams are great! They mean that you are pregnant with something... an idea, a ministry, a new direction.

I know what I am pregnant with, and these dreams only confirmed it. I have an eschatological message that I am sharing on another blog, and with anyone who will listen, but it's come to the point that I am ready to share in a bigger way.  I am working on the fashion show to go with it, but I think there may be opportunities coming to just speak even if that is not finished.

Alicea and her husband have heard a bit of my schpiel (sp) and have both told me (not necessarily about that specifically) that I should teach. My dream involving her was very pointed. I said that our babies would be born the same year! That's this year. I am certain that this is the year that I will be able to teach on eschatology.

The electronic baby makes me think of the internet and possibly my "end times" blog. 

My mom called me today to tell me that in the last Bible study session they had, Beth Moore said that she too believed we are in the Tribulation. This was huge news to me, because I know the denomination that Beth comes from does not hold that stance. Both of our denominations are decidedly pre-trib. So to have Beth speak against that REALLY fuels my fire. I respect her a lot, and it just empowers me to be bolder with my message. So again... It told me that surely, this is the time for my ministry!

My mom being a key person in the dreams is also significant because I specifically tell my mom the new things I find on the subject, and she is one that I am really trying to persuade. She also tells me everything that she hears about the subject. 

As far as the puppies go, if you've read previous posts you'll know that puppies (to me) represent youth. I mentioned just beginning the after church program with the teens. I have also recently volunteered to teach the 4-6th graders if we start a "Sunday school" class for them, cause right now they are in with the little kids (K-up) and it's just too beneath them, IMO. I'm not sure if these two things specifically were what the dream was about, but again (a reoccurring theme) that I'm saving puppies.  This time from the street. One of my biggest burdens with the end times is that there are kids here for it all. I want so badly to tell them about the times so that they will not be scared, but it's such a "parent's thing" to do, that I don't feel it's my place.

Perhaps this is speaking to that. I have actually thought of writing a children's book about the subject that is fictional, and fantastical, but still would 'prepare' them for the coming years.

OH... so much to think about! So much to get moving on... What a morning it has been.

"Chorus Girls, Teeth, and Packing"

Three again last night:

One involved girl celebrities (Katie Holmes, Nancy McKeon, Madonna, and Nicole Kidman, that I can remember) dressed as chorus line girls. I was with them... dressed the part as well. There was a red rope and a line.  I was down on the floor part of the time, during some sort of emergency. Nancy McKeon was the only one talking to me, instructing me during the emergency. An army or some sort of crowd had rushed in to the square where we were.

The second dream involved my best friend from college, Ramin, examining my teeth. He had one of those mirrors that dentists use and was looking at all of my teeth. Them being in great shape somehow told him that I was being good, and that I was an OK person. I think I was in a bus.

The third dream involved packing. I was at some sort of camp and I had to go on a mini trip within the camp. My sister and I were sharing a suitcase and I had to re-pack only my things for a day trip, in a smaller suitcase. I was going through all the pockets and pulling out wads of her dirty clothes. I also went through like 6 different PJs. One had teddy bears and rainbows. One was dark blue with other tropical colors and buttons down the front with a lapel and everything. One was pastel with some other childish print made of T-shirt jersey.

The amount of PJs stood out to me. I had picked two that I wanted to take with me and was still looking through the others as if I would pick more. But then it dawned on me that I only needed one pair, for one night. I then wondered why we had so many pairs in the first place.

All I can say as to where the dreams came from is that I was shopping yesterday trying to find some PJs. (I didn't find any.) I talked to my sister yesterday... about her kids and them dressing up.

One of my teeth (that had a small veneer just at the top by the gums) chipped off a couple days ago, and has been making me think that I don't like fake crap on my teeth that may come off and cause more hours in the dentist chair. (I don't like dentist visits!)

Anyway, If I was going to get all philosophical about it, I'd mention that I've been wondering about Ramin and his faith. If he is dealing with his Muslim roots, if he's gotten further in or out of that... and also if he has been thinking further about our differences or if he still thinks of me as a good person. (He's liberal, I'm conservative. He's Muslim, I'm Christian. He's gay, I'm straight.... The list goes on. But he is in my top 3 favorite people in the whole world.) I haven't spoken to him in almost a year. (minus via computer.)

I could also go philosophical with the suitcases and mention that my counselor (who I go see tomorrow) told me to journal and to think of myself as Saul hiding in the luggage; I have been called to great things, but I'm stuck in the baggage. When I go through my history and my "baggage" it often brings up my sister and all that her domination over me contributed to my "issues". I need to take out her "dirty clothes" so to speak, and pack my own suitcase; not giving her any more power. She has no power over me anymore; she doesn't even want it. That was literally years and years ago. But my "mold" has not been broken.

"Fashion choices"

I had a frustrating dream last night.

I was going somewhere with my family (mom, dad, sister... not husband and kids).

I had to get dressed, but I couldn't find anything I liked. I had a huge closet (more like a back stage dressing room) to choose from. It was all from the early 90's; lots of baggy things, lots of skin tight things.

The most memorable pair of items I put on was an over sized gauzy white button-up shirt, over a long jean skirt that was tattered and had a slit up the back that nearly went to butt cheek level. 

My hair was even in a early 90's style.

The above outfit was too "blocky" and unflattering, so I put on a skin tight long floral skirt with gathering up the sides, ala Spanish dancer. This was probably the fifth outfit I tried, (not to mention the long racks of stuff I had just looked at).

I'm always intrigued by these type of dreams.

I have them every few months. I try on outfits and don't seem to like any of them. They are almost always from the 80's or 90's. Occasionally I'll try on all things that I do like, and occasionally they will be modern.

I always wonder, "Is it about fashion?" (since that is what I have a BA in, and what I want to be spending time on.) OR, "Is it about choices?" and that's just how God talks to me because it is a language I enjoy.

Is it about my career, or lack there of? About what I should be doing with my time? About spending time doing things that really don't fit? Why are the clothes outdated? Am I doing things that I was once called to, but now am not? Or is my fashion calling outdated? 

So many questions. I think I'll go to the dog park. :-)