Mice in the Kitchen, Forgotten Son, and Stuck Car.

It's been a while, I know.
My excuse (though not a good one) is that it's summer, and I have been sleeping in. I wake up so late that I don't feel like I have any time to spend typing.

For the past two nights, however, my dreams have been bad and pointed, so I thought I'd take a minute to write them down since I woke up a little early this morning.

Sunday night I had a dream that there were mice in my grandmother's kitchen. As you may remember I consider my grandmother the source of my family's spiritual legacy. When I dream of her house it is always a mansion, and typically very full. Sunday night's dream was no exception. The house was open and grand, with room for hundreds of people. I had been wandering around the first floor of the house, and came into the kitchen. There I found my dog nosing at the cabinets. I looked closer and he was killing a mouse. The mouse had on clothes (like Stuart Little). As I stood there, another mouse appeared and then another. All were dressed, but unwelcome just the same. I killed a few, and my husband killed a few. We were squishing them, halving them... whatever we could do to kill them.
As you know, the kitchen is the heart of the home, and mice are typically considered pests. I have been praying for my grandmother ever since as she has battled cancer and other ailments in the past, and her health is not the greatest even now. I can't think of any other meaning than disease in her "heart", (whether it be literal, or something like worry).

Last night's dreams were disturbing for other reasons.
In the first, I left my son alone in a crowded place, and in the second I could not get to my car.

The first dream began with my son and I walking through a flea market type environment. He was picking up all kinds of things that he wanted... mostly sweet treats, like popsicles. I showed him an area of gallons of ice cream and we talked about getting one even though we are both on a diet. (The diet was talked about repeatedly in the dream.) After we had gotten all the things he wanted I told him I would meet him back at the car and we would drive "home". I went out a back way through a warehouse guided by a worker who was hitting on me. I had four pen caps in my hand and then my back pocket. (Don't know what that was about.) When I got to the car I forgot to wait for my son. I instead drove all the way to the hotel/cabin, where my husband and daughter were already there and asleep. I went to bed, and fell asleep too. When I rolled over a little while later it dawned on me that I had forgotten my son. I panicked, and stumbled to the car still half asleep. I thought about the fact that I was too sleepy to drive. Then I thought about my phone battery. I looked down to see multiple missed calls from my son and even a very sad picture he had taken of himself. I also saw that my battery was in the red zone. I panicked more. Oh no! How am I going to get a hold of him? How is he going to call me? I ran back into the cabin to get my husband's phone, all the while thinking "what if my son's battery is almost dead?" I woke myself up with all the panic.

I went back to sleep after a quick pee brake. The next dream was better, but still bad.
I was with my two best friends from high school; we had been at some event and were now walking back to my car. We got to the parking garage and could not find my car. Then we found a hole in the back of the car garage down to another level of cars. I could see my car on the lower level. The cars were crammed together like sardines with absolutely no room to drive them out. There wasn't even a ramp to get them out of the hole. I jumped down the hole onto the hood of another car and walked around on car hoods to see if I could figure out something. Realizing that this was a towing company I deducted that the cars had been lowered down with a crane. So my friends and I went to find the owner. I found a worker sitting in a shack out in a dusty yard, feet up, talking on the phone. I asked if he could help me. He was very rude and denied me help. He mentioned the owner, pointed him out, and said he was busy too. No one would be able to help us. It was extremely frustrating. The dream ended in frustration after minutes of trying to get the owner's attention.

Meanings? Well, I think that the diet talk and the fact that all of our purchases were food items not on our diet, speaks to what the dream with my son was about. I have nearly reached my goal weight and my days of dieting will soon be over... or so I hope. (Even the worker hitting on me speaks of where I'm at in my weight.) My son is just now starting his weight loss journey (this time around). I think that the dream is reminding me not to leave him behind. Not to go back and "sleep" with my skinny daughter and husband. The world offers many temptations that I can't just say, "that's not on our diet, but just this once we could get it"; (which are the kinds of things I was saying in the dream).

Personal cars in dreams typically speak about your personal life. I don't particularly like the idea of my life stuck underground without having the ways and means of getting it out myself. I do like that my best friends are with me the whole time. I really don't have other thoughts about the meaning of that dream.

Floating and Peeing

OK, so I had a very strange but cool dream last night.
There was more to it, but this is the only part I remember.

I was sitting on the potty, peeing, when I started to float upwards. I pulled myself back down to the toilet seat because I was not done peeing. As soon as I let go of the seat, I started floating again... still peeing.
At that point I thought about what was happening, and realized how cool it was that I was floating, so I went with it. (Mind you, this entire dream is feeling VERY realistic, and at this point, I think it's really happening, because the setting is exactly my house. It's as if I got up in the middle of the night to pee... which I do often.)
I floated to the ceiling and was bending forward so as not to hit the ceiling. I was still "seated" but rolled forward. I floated into the bedroom (still peeing) and woke up my husband. "Look, look, I'm flying!" I said. (All the while, peeing on the floor, the bed, everything.) He woke up and looked up at me. He wasn't impressed; he was more concerned that I was peeing on the bed. So I floated back to the bathroom. It was at this point, before I actually made it to the toilet, that I realized I was dreaming and woke up to roll over.

As gross as the continual pee thing was, I had a blast floating around my room. It felt so real, and I am thankful that I got to experience that.

As for meaning. I would almost surely conclude that it has to do with my weight struggle. I am feeling good about my progress, but I am still majorly struggling with the discipline of it all. I am getting rid of a lot of wrong thinking, and other stuff that I'd equate with piss. :-) However, even though I'm floating (which is awesome), my husband is not impressed; he's more concerned with the "piss" that is coming out, which is unpleasant.

A Short Affair

I wish I could remember my other dreams from last night... I had three, but only remember one now. The first two were mild in nature and OK for sharing.
The last one (the one I remember) is not appropriate at all, but I will do my best to share it.

It started in a church service. (I watched a little church TV yesterday while over at my friend's house, who is stuck in bed with an illness. The service in my dream was way more like the church on TV than any church I have ever been to in person.) The choir wore royal blue robes and the congregation was full of dressed up people. I sat on the 3rd row on the right hand side close to the middle aisle. Half way through the service there was a break. People got up to use the restroom, or get a doughnut, or whatever. I stayed seated.
When the break was over only half of the people came back. The speaker in the front made mention of it, and I thought to myself, "oh, the people will be back soon, they are just taking their time." There were many that did come back, but not all. A pastor that I know came and sat down beside me. I noticed that I was wearing a robe as well, and that I was naked underneath. The robe had opened in the front at my leg, and my upper thigh was exposed. The pastor beside me (on my left) reached over and "touched" me. I was shocked. I moved the robe to cover myself, but shortly after that he took my hand and put it on his "lap". "Oh my God," I barely whispered as I felt how huge he was.
The scene changed and we were in my bedroom. There was no sensation of anything sexual, but we were having sex. All I thought of was how big he was. My kids came to the door and I quickly got up and rushed to see what they wanted. I put the pastor over my shoulder (lack a sack) and played it off as if he was my husband. As I talked to the kids, they never looked at his face. Then right as we were done talking my daughter noticed who it was. She questioned me, and very plainly I said, "We are just having a short affair, it will be over very soon," and I rushed back to the bed eagerly.

Well... it's yet another dream about exposure, and about the church. I have had dreams this week of dealing with children's ministry, teen girl's ministry, church 'building' ministry, and now intimacy with pastoral ministries.
The fact that there was no sexual sensation in the dream assures me that it wasn't really about sex. The size of things I think is symbolic of power and influence, and that was the luring point.
It would be nice to think that my constant exposure would lead to a place of influence, but positions of influence are tricky; there is a lot of war-fare involved in leadership.

... that's all I have today.

Tidal Wave

Real quick... (Cause I gotta go to church)

Last night I had a dream inside a dream.
I had a dream that there was a tidal wave and that my family was safe. Then I woke up (inside the dream) and was getting up with my husband. We lived in an old Victorian three story house up on a hill. We got dressed and I noted that everyone else was asleep. That included my kids and my aunt and one other child... maybe my niece or nephew. We were all on the top floor. I walked down stairs with my husband and out to the front porch. I looked down the hill to the main street of the town. (The hill we were on was at least a half a mile above the rest of the town). We were both standing there like with our morning coffee or something and a white rolling cloud could be seen in the distance. As I focused on it I could tell it was a tidal wave crashing through the city. I looked at my husband and said, "I dreamed this! Don't worry, we'll be OK. We need to go upstairs." We thought about waking everyone up, but I had a peace about being OK, so we didn't.
Then I woke up for real... pretty freaked.

Weird huh?

Movies, Art, Fashion, and a Machine Gun

Last night's dream started as a movie...
I was John Cusack and I was with a young Dan Aykroyd in a two-seater plane. We were laughing and talking about girls and sex.
The view changed and I was out of the movie and sitting in the theater with my husband. We got up to leave and I mentioned to him that I had forgotten to go see Laurelin's show. (A friend of mine just had her first solo art show up at a gallery, and I did forget to go "opening" night.) So I walked over with him to a gymnasium where the show was. (It was the gym from my HS.) Her art was everywhere. It was like a life time of art; hundreds of pieces. I started on the wall to my right where there was a nautical theme going on. Perfect paintings of boats and wharfs (not her "norm"). I was commenting on one when her fiance David told me there was another wing that held her crafts. (She is a knitter and crafter as well... when the mood strikes.) So I walked over to that wing and looked behind glass at dolls and jewelry and buttons and other crafty things she had made (again, not her "norm".)
Then the scene changed and I was going to visit my friend Ramin in New York. I got to his apartment and started working on patterns on his floor. I was waiting for him to get home, but in the mean time I had taken at least 8 articles of clothing and was tracing them on to dotted pattern paper. They were all ugly clothes, very matronly. The idea was that I was going to try to get a job back at the St. John's design house(where Ramin and I worked after we graduated college). He came home and asked what I was doing. He looked over the clothes and my work and told me I was doing it all wrong. He said the clothes were hideous, and that my pattern tracing skills were terrible. "Don't you remember anything from school?" he asked. He then stormed off. The scene changed again and I was in the bed of a truck with all of the pattern making equipment and my luggage. Ramin was walking away from me down the NY street. I jumped out of the truck and went to him begging him to help me. We stood by a car and talked for a brief minute and then I saw a man jump in the truck bed and start to load up my stuff. I ran back to stop him, but he had a machine gun and pointed it at my face. I still yelled at him, saying, "That's my stuff, how dare you take it!" Ramin yelled my name, "Are you crazy?" he asked. Then I grabbed the machine gun that was at my face and turned it to face the man. Ramin again said, "Are you crazy? If you shoot him you'll be the one in trouble." But I shot at his arm anyway. Nothing... just air. So I aimed the gun at the yard beside me and shot again... just air. Then I reprimanded the man in the truck, "You were going to steal my stuff with an unloaded weapon?" I was still yelling at him when the dog woke me up.

This dream has loads of guilt in it.
Things that are bothering me that I keep replaying in my head.
That I still watch ill-humored movies, that I forgot Laurelin's show, that I screwed up the pattern for my daughter's Halloween costume cause I don't remember how to make sleeves. (I haven't done them since college.) It even has a bit from the book I'm reading called "Son of Hamas" where the machine guns he bought didn't work. The chapters in the book since that moment have filled me with guilt because I relate to the Israeli side, and they have kept the writer of the book in a prison torturing him for the past few chapters. (A true story... good book.)
The truck bed I'm sure has to do with me driving my husband's truck the other day to pick up my son's bike. (I don't drive it often... it's too big.)
Ramin is always put in my dreams when there is advice about my fashion career, because he is a person I will listen to. I think he stayed in the dream for the machine gun part because he is originally from Iran... which fits the setting of my book, at least in that neck of the world.
I think that the part about Laurelin's art not being "her's", was about myself as well. I used her in the dream because she is one artist I know that has a very common theme through her work so it's easy to see when it's not coming from 'her'. Most likely this was a reminder to me to be true to myself... which was also emphasized by the horrible clothes I was tracing... They were SO not me. :)

Fabrics and Fires

Well, now that my husband is home I remembered another dream (cause he wakes up at 5:30).
It was a bit disturbing.
At first I was in a fabric store. A huge warehouse full of metal shelves holding all sorts of fabrics. Some were draping down, others just folded in their place.
I was going around seeing which ones I wanted swatches of to take home.
I wanted some pre-lined gray po de soie; (Like that exists), and whole bunch of other fancy fabric. I finally decided and was taking my friend Ramin through the store to get the swatches, but kept forgetting where the chosen fabrics were. I wondered why I didn't just take the swatches as I went around the first time.
Then I walked to another part of the building that was "my house". It wasn't anything like my house and I could still see that I was connected to the warehouse, but I was "home".
I went into the kitchen. The sink had a window over it that looked out at the front yard. (It reminded me of my front yard when I was 8.) As I stood there, I looked down into the sink and a glass had nearly imploded from a tiny piece of hot coal that was sitting inside of it. It was like a chemical reaction had caused the glass to fold in on itself. Then I glanced up at the yard and puddles of gas all over the yard were catching on fire. I yelled for my husband. I showed him and told him to get the hose and put them out. He ran outside as I watched from the window. The fires got bigger and bigger as I waited for him to get the hose. Then I woke up from his alarm.

Off the top of my head all I can say is "I don't want fires in my front yard." That speaks to bad things for all to see. It's encouraging that my husband was rushing to put them out, but who started them?
Are they linked to fabric in some way? My Feasts fashion show I'm working on? hmmm.

If the Shoe Fits

I had to wake up to pee around 2:00 and luckily I did recall that I had a dream about buying shiny silver shoes with my husband. They looked like metal, but felt like leather. He pointed out some that had a long front and black heels. I told him those weren't "me", and proceeded to look through 4-5 other pair... all the same color story. I ended on a pair that had a small silver toe part with a little rectangle metal applique with a logo on it on the right side of the toe. They were very cute and modern.

I had another shopping dream with my mom... but I can't remember that one.

So Many Unwritten

I had my family visiting for the past week, so I never took the time to write my dreams. I did, however, have many nights of very interesting dreams. (Seems to always happen when they visit.)
I really wish I would've taken time to write them.

Last night's involved peeing in inappropriate places. (My nephew peed on my couch yesterday.) It was me doing the peeing in the dream though... in a doll's bed. At the end of the dream (after much pee related material) I had my husband below a table at a HS reunion in Vegas, doing things to me that are reserved for the bedroom. It was an all around "inappropriate" dream.

The night before I had a dream about switching rooms with my sister. My room had all of my old silver, black, and pink furniture, and her room had oak furniture, lots of knickknacks, a huge closet, and a small filing cabinet on her dresser. (We saw an old filing cabinet at the antique store Wednesday that my mom said would be good for my sister's organizing business.)
We switched rooms (I don't remember why) and an old lady came to look at our rooms. I showed her my sister's room as if it was my own. (Her room was very far from my style and would not have fooled anyone who knew us... so the lady must not have known us.)
It was a strange dream, and yet another dream about me being in my sister's closet looking at clothes. This time it passed beyond the clothes, and I looked through all of her things. I don't know what she did in my room cause I never went back in there.

This theme of my sister's clothes etc. is curious to me. I wonder if it has to do with weight... or if it's more about shared experiences as children... or the things I've adopted from my sister in my personality. hmmmm.

My Ministry Path

What I remember from Tuesday morning (yesterday):
I was in a large banquet hall with other church women. I went towards the kitchen through another room that was empty but could be used to expand the dining area. There was a trail of dog poop on the floor. I told my friend Elenice that I would clean it up. So I bent down and began to wipe it up with paper towels. My friend Jennifer M. also came in while I was there and talked to me. (Both of these ladies represent ministries at my old church.)
After that I went to my pastor's house which was more like a house I have dreamed of before as the Coward's house or as Miss Michele's house. It's a large house with shag carpet, a sunken living room off to the left of the entry, and a hall way to the right. In the dream I was there to mentor the pastor's son Spencer. Both my husband and I were supposed to do it, but my husband had not wanted to come. I got there and stood looking at some art on the wall while there was a gathering of women in the background having a meeting of sorts.
In the dream I never got any real time with Spencer. I left because I was insecure about what I had been asked to do; with out my husband there I didn't think it was my place to mentor a young adult male.
After that I had a dream or a vision (inside my dream) of an embryo inside of me and it's birth. It was up on a screen. Watching, I knew it was Spencer's baby, but not a real baby. It was symbolic and I knew it.
I walked into a large church sanctuary full of people I know. I sat near the back. I saw my friend Ann Marie walk in and down the middle aisle. She had on a police uniform and her hair looked like Linda Carter's. She looked gorgeous. Everybody starred at her and she said hello in a very commanding voice. Everyone was happy to see her. I observed the scene at a distance. When the service was over I was walking out and told another friend that I had had Spencer's baby. Ann Marie, Pastor Scott (Spencer's dad), and a couple other people gathered around me congratulating me; saying things like, "That's great!" and "Go tell everyone!"
Ann Marie pushed me towards the front saying, "It's so great that you will finally be up front."
I got to the front, and woke up.

So what's the significance of this one? Well, Elenice is a friend who helped me start my "Beauty for Ashes" ministry. Jennifer is a friend that helped me start my "Mission Blessing" ministry. (Both ended before I left Harvest church, though the remnants remain to some extent.) Ann Marie was my only spiritual leader friend in my last two years of high school. She stood by me even when I got pregnant and had my daughter. And Spencer, I would say, has the greatest potential of my pastor's kids to be a pastor/speaker/something some day. However, Spencer is also my last name and could have something to do with that instead. Either way... the multi -purpose banquet hall in the beginning speaks volumes about putting in my time cleaning up poop in and for various ministries. I think the end when Ann Marie is saying that I will finally be up front, is talking about my next ministry 'baby' being more up front than behind the scenes or as a clean up crew.

"Where Is His Head?"

I'm on vacation in Spain right now. I wish I would have been able to use the computer every morning cause the dreams here are crazy, but I haven't had the time.

I'll start with Monday morning's dream, cause I did at least get to write that one down (just not on the blog...yet.)

Monday morning’s dream:
My husband, daughter, son, and I were all late for school and were driving all over an unfamiliar city trying to get there. (Yesterday we got a little lost in the city of Malaga,Spain, and drove around for a while frustrated. This was a lot like that.)
Anyway, I was in a horse drawn carriage driving and my husband was driving an open back vehicle (not sure what). My daughter was sitting beside me and my son was standing on the back of my husband’s vehicle in front of us. My son was holding on to a bar in the back and standing on the bumper area. I was fine with that. My husband, however, was turning around telling him to sit down. I started arguing with him saying to leave him alone. Then the unthinkable happened. My son let go of the bar he had been holding, and fell. I was directly after them, and had no time to stop. The horses barely missed him, as did my wheels. But the truck that was directly behind me ran over his head with its second wheel. By then we had stopped our vehicles, and I was running to see if he was dead. I saw his body, but not his head. (There was no blood.) I was screaming and bawling my eyes out. I frantically lifted (with super human strength) all the tires to look for his head. The tires were transparent and there was no head or splat anywhere. In one of the tires I thought I saw a baby’s head from the top, but it was just something round inside the tire. I was ballistic. Crying, screaming, throwing tires left and right. I was mad at my husband and daughter for not seeming sad. My husband was trying to stay calm and rationalize the event. He even pulled out my son’s baby book and looked through it. He found a poem about a river, and read it. He then asked (because the poem had a word that repeated over and over, sounded like “La”,) if all rivers were the same river because they all had that word. I threw a tire right by his head, and one by my daughter’s head. I thought about who was at fault, but settled on nothing. I was crying so hard that I woke myself up.
(…and I’m certainly glad I did; It was a terrible dream!)

The only other dreams I have ever had about my children dying were ones where they fell, and I dove after them. This is the first one that I could not follow or try to save them; It was horrible. I don’t know if I’ve ever cried that hard in a dream. I have no idea what it means, if anything. We are on vacation, and sleeping on hard uncomfortable beds, so maybe it’s just that. My only other thought is about how I am frustrated that my husband doesn’t seem to care about my son as much as my daughter. By that I don’t really mean less care as much as less time devoted. But the dream only says something about that in part. Why was his head missing? Why did the truck just run over his head? What about the horses? What about the river poem? I have lots of questions. I hope there is nothing to it… nothing at all.

While on my Trip

I'm always interested to see what kind of hotel dreams I have while away. Hotel dreams can be some of the wildest ones ever. This trip (to Vegas) wasn't as good as most, but I still had some interesting ones, and definitely some influenced by the surroundings.

The first night we were there we went to see the Blue Man Group, and I had a "drumming" dream. There were all types of things to drum on (just like the show) and different people from all over were taking turns on stage to drum for various causes. The last cause before I woke up was cancer.

The next night I had a 'not very nice' dream at all. I was with my husband and we were at a table in Vegas, I went to ask him something and he ignored me. I then attempted to ask him if he loved me, and a very fake bodied, brunette held my arm as I reached, pulled me aside and said, "Isn't it obvious... He's done with you." She gave me a very sympathetic look as I became dejected and walked away.

The next night (after a rather sad afternoon by the pool) I had a dream that I inherited a house. The house was built back in the "Little House on the Prairie" days but was still holding up. I was getting a tour of the property. (No one was with me, except 'the voice', my guide. I could talk out loud to him. If you've read way back in the beginning of this blog, you may remember "The voice", whom I assume is the Holy Spirit. If you can talk and ask questions of a "no body" in your dreams, and he answers, either with words or thoughts, that's Him, most likely.)

Anyway, the land on my property was a few acres I'd guess, and sloped down significantly in the back, where most of the land was. The house in the front of the property was very small, possibly 1,000 or so square feet. I didn't go inside the house until I had walked the perimeter of the yard. There were no fences and my dog ran to the neighbor's yard to the right of the house. The neighbor was a grumpy old man who yelled at me for letting my dog go. 

As I looked down to the bottom of the hill I thought of where to put a pool. There was plenty of room. The more I looked I saw a huge puddle at the bottom of the hill. The drainage was obviously bad. I tried to stay positive and say, "well, we'll put the pool there." I reached the bottom of the hill and walked around a small wall behind the puddle and back up the left side of the hill. When we reached the house, we went in. (Me and the voice). I looked only in the front room which was very quaint. You could see directly into the kitchen just beyond the front room.  The front door didn't quite fit in the door frame, like it had swelled over time and you had to give it a good shove to make it close. 

Just then it started to rain... really hard. The rain started pouring in through a hole in the upper part of the front door, in the center. It was only that one spot and quite a steady stream. I asked, "How are we going to fix it?" Just then He picked up a piece of wood from the floor that fit the hole perfectly. (I can't remember if He gave it to me to plug up, or if He did it himself.) But it plugged the hole perfectly and the rain could not get in.

...and that was the end.

I'd love it if this dream had nothing to do with me and I could give it a different interpretation, but as often is the case, houses/ property represent ourselves. This one is very telling of how my week, month, year... is feeling. I have a big property, but my drainage is terrible, my house is beaten down. My front door doesn't close well, and the rain comes in steadily. There are no fences. I live on a hill. 

I am happy to know that there is a perfect fit for the door to help the rain stop coming in... I will be looking for that... on the floor.

God help me.

#1 I grew up watching (loving) "Little House on the Prairie". I always wished my name was Laura or Lauren. 

#2 I let my dog off leash on walks when no one is around. I know it's against the law, I hate that law. I like how it is in other countries where they are free like cats. But unlike cats they are loyal to their owners and basically just follow them around. Anyway, I was yelled at the other day by a grumpy old man about the dog being off leash. Those type of things hurt me way more than they should.

#3 I am going to counseling once every few weeks these days, so I'm dealing with a lot of stuff that has just piled up over the years... in the back yard... so to speak. "Dealing with" would be a good phrase, but right now it feels more like we're just able to see it all... It's not moving. I had/have an optimistic outlook for what my 'land' could be, but  upon closer inspection you see the "puddle". Sure we can "pretend" like it's OK... just put the "pool" there, but really, It's a drainage issue, and I need to get rid of the water, not mask it.

#4 I don't want to shut people out, but I do think that there must be something to the front door unable to shut properly and having a hole where the rain comes in like a watering can is aimed directly at the hole. I think this is about how easily I am hurt.  (by family, friends, and strangers).

Awkward

My first dream:
I was with my mom and dad. We were at a mall because I wanted to go shopping. We had been walking for a very long time through halls with shops along the sides behind windows and doors. (It reminded me of Las Vegas when you have to go through a long hallway of shops from the parking garage to the main casino area.) The building we were in was old though; it was brick, and looked like a museum. After walking and still not shopping for a very long time, I actually said, "This mall is more like a museum." It was about at that point that we 'got some where'. My mom, in answer to my question, said, "Well let's go down this way." We started down some stairs that led to a Marie Calendars, but the stairs soon became a ladder. There were rungs every few feet, but the main handle on the sides was only every 6 feet. For some reason I wasn't using any of the middle rungs, only one every 6 feet that lined up with the handle. I was dropping, only holding the sides for the entire length of my body each time. My parents were coming down the ladder rung by rung, but face first... like they were crawling "spidey-style" down towards me.  I complained about the ladder. Almost directly after the complaint (and my mind thinking about what I was doing, and how I could do it differently) we were at the bottom. Instead of going through the restaurant, or sitting down, we went just to the right of the ladder where there was a bed. My mom lay on the bed on the right side, and I lay on my belly with my head and arms dangling off the end on the left side. Again, I stopped and realized what I was doing, and repositioned myself. The bed was very lumpy and I said it was better before. My mom thought that maybe I just needed less noise to be able to sleep, so I went to turn off the TV (no longer in the restaurant atmosphere). When I got to the TV I noticed that it had been recording every show for the past like 6 or so hours. I took some time to try to delete each show. (Probably more from my ipod frustration the other day... cause now I have so many unwanted songs to delete.)  The dream ended in frustration.


My next dream was far weirder.

I was riding the back seat of an open-air jeep type vehicle with four guys in the front and two more in the back with me. They almost all had guns (very skinny and short ones of varying colors, which they talked about,) and we were driving through a neighborhood to do a drive-by shooting. They weren't aiming for people, but they wanted to scare the residents. They were all very "hard" looking, and talked in a way that said "gang" to me. We went around this neighborhood like three times, each time I faced inward and didn't look at what they were shooting at off the left side. (I was in the far left of the back seat.) When they were satisfied with their shooting we headed for the leaders house. As we approached the house a small squirrelish animal (without a tail) got on my leg and tried to hump it. I grabbed him to remove him but he just grabbed on to my arm and did the same. I told the guy in the back seat about it and he said, "Just let him do his thing." At this the squirrel bit me and latched on again to my leg. I shook him off as we exited the car at the leader’s house. Once we were in I looked down at the clothes I was wearing. I was dressed like a streetwalker, and shortly after, treated like one. At this point in the dream, unlike in the car, I was playing the role. I smacked my gum, I spoke 'gangsta' and used my body (which was rather slim in the dream) to entertain. At one point there was poop on the floor and I had to clean it up before anyone saw. I knew my place in the gang; I was basically dirt.

A large screen came down from the ceiling and they began to play music videos. The walls of the house went away and the area became huge with three different levels for watching a concert. It wasn't like a stadium, but there were a few seats scattered around and outdoor heaters here and there. A band came to the screen/stage and started to set up. I started to make my way as far away from the gang as I could, I ran into my husband on the top level near a heater and stood with him. The youth pastor from our church, Josh, was there and was announcing this as a "Tribes" event. (That's the name of the youth's Wednesday night service.) I looked around and saw Tribes posters. The gang members and a whole bunch of other people scattered around the place.

Then I woke up.

Remembering What's Best

Last night's dream...

I was in a play of some sort, but it was open air... not on a stage.

We were actually in an arcade, which was part of a carnival or board walk.

In the arcade I was with an old friend of mine who was married to me in the play. He didn't want me anymore and sent me away. I walked over to another couple and pretended to talk to the wife of that couple (also in the play). My "husband" whispered across the "stage" that he had forgotten to ask for my wedding rings. So I took them off and threw them across "stage". Not long after, he threw "cheap" ones back. But to me they weren't cheap. They were mother of pearl and opal. The band was even made of mother of pearl (not a stable material for that, but pretty). I started admiring my two new rings. I was enthralled with their beauty. Then a very handsome man (not in the play) walked by and asked if I was available, I quickly made a bee-line to my real husband who was playing an arcade game close by. I leaned on him and tried to get his attention.

I'm not sure if he went with me, but next I walked over to the farris wheel. I got on, rode and got off alone. I started exiting the wrong way and noticed I was in Italy. I saw my exboyfriend, Shane, standing not far away. I ran over to him and we kissed. I was very happy to be with him and was thinking of how much I liked his kisses, when I saw my husband. I thought about the thrill of a new romance and all the things I missed about Shane, but I finally ran to my husband instead and cried to him that I had forgotten that we had had good times there too. (in Italy). My mind went to some "real" times and some that I just made up. We walked off arm in arm.

I have to go to a Beth Moore Conference today... so I have no time to 'interpret'... I don't think it needs too much though. :-)

Ciao!

Dreaming about other people

Well, I'm happy to say that most of my dreams were good last night. Yay!

I had three that I can remember.

The first began in a class room. A boy named Lee from my 5th grade class had started a rumor about me. I don't remember what the rumor was, or even if it was mentioned in the dream; it was simply known that he had started one. I was searching for a seat, weighing my options. I sat towards the front in a desk just like the ones in elementary school. Partially through the class I got up and moved to a cluster of friends. Among the friends was my best friend from college: Ramin. He was sitting with 3-4 other people with their desks all pushed up next to each other creating a table. I knew the people, but I can't remember who they were. As soon as our desks were all together an Indian feast was served to us. There were at least 6 dishes served, family style. I picked up each and took two of most things and passed them on. One dish looked like fried firecrackers. It was rolled up like an egg roll but only 1 1/2 long and with colorful tassels poking out one end. Another dish was very large raviolis. There were also dates and raisins that dripped with honey and when I put them on my plate I watched the honey drizzle from the spoon folding itself in a golden ribbon. It was mesmerizing. There was naan bread and other things that I don't know the name of that I've had at the Indian restaurant in town. ...and that was the extent of the dream.

The next dream was simply about my old pastor's wife moving to an older section of town. The section of town she moved to is closer to the church, and to one of her close friends. The house had a pool and she had invited some women over. The only thing that I did in the dream was ponder why she had moved. The reasons I gave (about being closer, and near her friend) are the only ones I came up with.

The last dream was the only disturbing one of the night.

I went to visit my friend Paige. (Which I haven't done in a VERY long time, even though she lives in the same town.) My husband went with me. We were mainly there to see her baby. (This is how long I haven't been to her house... Last time I was there Lily was a baby, now I think she's 5.) In the dream Lily was less than a year old. I was playing with her, taking her hat off and on, off and on. She wanted it on, but was laughing at the game we had devised.  There were happy smiles all around, and then the men left the room and Paige started talking to me about marriage. I don't remember what she said about it, all I know is that I started  listing off friends, in my head, that are in bad marriages. What is interesting is that I listed a couple that aren't in bad marriages. One being a very good friend of mine who never complains about her husband. In the dream  I could see her confession unfold in front of me, like I was there, in her bed room. She explained to me that she had cheated on her husband. It had only been one night  at a party of some sort. I cried as she told me, trying to understand how she could do such a thing. After the thought finished, I was back talking to Paige, and thinking of other bad marriages.

That was the end of the dream.

I don't have any ideas about  what the dreams mean... if anything. But I'll connect with the key players in the dreams and make sure all is well.

:-)

It's hard to know when you dream about other people, if the dream is really about them, or about something they represent in your life, or what.

Cinderella's Castle Ride

Last night there was lots of dreaming going on... but one stood out above the rest, so that's the one I will tell.

I was at Disney Land (or what was suppose to be Disney land). Things were closing, but I wanted to see a new ride inside Cinderella's castle that my church's youth pastor (David) had designed. I snuck in and went up to a ledge that had a small nook where some paper in an envelope was.

The room I was in was circular. The ceilings were extremely high (three stories worth, I'd guess). The walls were white and the detailing was blue... just like Cinderella's castle on the outside. (Just FYI, Cinderella's castle is my FAVORITE part of Disney!) The floor was white marble with small black tile accents... just like the grand hotel I often dream of. There were multiple nooks on the wall, (little places to showcase your treasures ...like the alters in Mexico that have Mary statues.) They were all empty but very ornate. 

I climbed up to the alcove with the envelope on it, opened it up and read. I don't remember what it said, but I knew it was written by David. There was a rope dangling from the ceiling for me to hold on to. I held it and the "ride" started. The rope swung me around the room, basically leaping from nook to nook, in a circle and very fluid. After a few times around I wanted to stop. I landed right where I started, but the alcove was now lower to the ground... about kitchen counter height, and as I set down the paper a bull came in the door.

The bull was staring at me and was mad that I was there. He started to charge me. 

I noticed a wooden window frame to my right and I looked through it. It went to a kitchen. Then I noticed that the window slid up to open. So I opened it and barely squeezed through. I came out the other side on the kitchen counter. The kitchen was very neat and Disney-ish with an old Dutch vibe; lots of wood. 

I remembered that I had left my things (or maybe just the paper) in the other room. So I went back into the circular Cinderella room... with the bull.

The floor had changed into brown, like dirt... but it was smushy, like walking in a semi-deflated bounce-house, or on quicksand that you don't sink into. I could barely walk, and the bull was basically guarding the area I was aiming for. I got to the point that I was crawling, and the bull came to help me.

...and that was the end of the dream.

While we were on our tour in Israel I learned a little more about those alcoves. We went to the Temple of Pan: a place where there were many many alcoves all dedicated to different deities. This was the site where Jesus asked his disciples, "Who do you say that I am?" It was a pointed lesson because He asked them in the midst of numerous 'gods'.

Last night's dream is another that I'm not sure of, but I think I was playing the part of my daughter. Her third "serious" relationship ended yesterday, and she has been trying to get a time to talk to David (the youth pastor) for a couple weeks now. 

We often talk to her about the 'god' placement her boyfriends hold in her life, so all these little alters around the room being very ornate, but empty at present, seem to fit that to me. 

And of course, just like most 16 year old girls, she's waiting for prince charming.

Right now... I'm amusing myself with the thought of my husband being the bull. :-)

Tests and maps

Yes, I have been dreaming lately, but I have not felt much like blogging. 

For the past few nights I have dreamed of tests. (not a great sign). In one test my husband was joined my an ultra skinny/fake boobed model chick and I was very jealous... while trying  to concentrate on my test, and in the night after's dream I was taking a spelling test where I had to spell things that we were given the initials for. One I remember was AMF. All I could think about was bowling, but when I asked, the teacher said it was "arms something something". I can't remember the other two words.

Last night's dream was about my son and I in a car trying to get to Merced. I have never been to Merced... never even knew where it was. (I guess it's a couple hours south of us.) In the dream we entered into a parking garage by accident, but the attendant let us turn around with out paying, but it was difficult to turn with all the cars coming. I got out a map and showed my son. We were above Merced... which was a country in my dream. But the roller-coaster (that was what the parking garage was there for) took up a few countries and there was no way to go straight down to Merced. You either had to go up and around to the east and then south, or you had to go west and then south and a little bit east to get there. Some of the surrounding countries were Russia and middle eastern countries.  We never did decide which way to go before I woke up.

So what is Merced about? Mercy maybe?  I'm not sure. But there is a roller-coaster in the way of me getting there. :-)

"Peter Pan, Smurfs, and Shorts"

Well, I'm back from my trip... on which I kept no dream journal. :-)

Last night I had three... (or more)

The first one; I was playing around on my computer and my husband was helping me to put some new icons on my desktop. They were strange things like high def fireworks, and mushrooms. Directly after they were all on my desktop I went into the movie "Peter Pan". I don't know if I was Peter Pan, or if I was in narrator mode directly over his shoulder. I could hear his thoughts and see everything from his view, but a few times the view changed and I was directly over him while flying. He landed in the yard of Mr. Smee. (They were both 'real' people, not cartoons.) Mr. Smee told him where to go find Hook. He seemed very nice and helpful, but when we started flying away there was a gun shot that nearly missed our head. After another gun shot, and we flew back down to the yard. There was a gun like the one he held in the cartoon, that looked a little like a horn. We saw his wife;  her name was Diane Cook, or at least that's what it sounded like. It makes more sense if she would've said "Hook", so maybe she did, I remember pondering the name as we left, thinking, "Cook? or Hook?" and "Capt. Hook's wife's name is Diane? or Mr. Smee's wife? I never knew they had a wife."

In the second dream I brought my dog to a bible study meeting at a friend's house. They had one gray tabby cat with two kittens. I assured them that Knuckles (my dog) would be fine with the cats. We watched the kittens and Knuckles play for a while then other guests started to arrive. My friend Roxi came and brought her dog (only in the dream it was a black lab, not a chocolate one), and another friend brought a dachshund. Everyone was afraid of how the dogs would do. It was a little hectic at first but after a while they seemed to be OK with each other... and the cats.

All the grownups sat down on the couches and the little kids went into a back room to play.

The TV was turned on and a tape put in... It was The Smurfs. We were all sitting there to watch The Smurfs. We were seeing if it was appropriate or something. There were discussions about what they were singing. People were saying that the first song was about groceries, but it was clearly about "rules" or "the law". I spoke up about it.  The next song was about something else I don't remember now.

My husband and I walked away from the group to go make-out in a back room. Every single room we went in to had someone sleeping in it. Even the bath tub had a person sleeping in it. It was odd.

The third dream was my sister and I again, looking through clothes. (There is something to this reoccurring theme.)  In this one we were getting ready for school (again), and we were sharing a wardrobe. The tops were not the important thing this time; it was all about the shorts.  I was looking for a particular pair about half way through. Finally I looked in a suitcase that was laying on the floor. I found what I thought was them, but upon further inspection, it wasn't. I ended up finding the shorts I was looking for in a pile I had already been through. (They were almost all jean shorts.)

"Pregnant Dreams"

A little foreground...

Yesterday I started the "Truth Project" with the junior high and high school students after church. I'm very excited about that.  

Our youth pastor's baby is due Friday, so that has also been on my mind.

Yesterday was my 11th wedding anniversary. 

I went to bed last night praying that I would have some worth while dreams.

BOY did I!

I had one of a carnival... being there with kids from a class. My son's kindergarten teacher was there, along with many other teachers. One was very pregnant and jumped on a trampoline, fell, but smiled. She was beautiful. There was a fence by the park that was significant.

The next dream I had was that I was given an electronic baby. It was very "real" in size and shape, but had a screen and gears on it's face. It pooped... real baby poop and I went to clean it up in the sink. My mother was there to help me, but we kept hitting the babies head with the door, or the sink edge, or the spout. I was getting mad at my mom and frustrated with myself. The water was not good for the baby. (Duh, he was electric). So the screen went blank like we had killed him. Then words came across it saying that we had to do some steps to fix him or he would explode. It was very nerve-racking.

In my next dream I was pregnant. I was very excited about it. I had only told my family and mom (who was there). I had not even told my sister. I wanted to tell the world. So I decided to go on Facebook. I thought, "oh my sister would be mad if she found out on facebook."  Then as I was walking down the hall, I saw Alicea, (the youth pastor's wife who is due this week.) I stopped her and told her I was pregnant too and "won't it be great! My baby will be born in the same year as yours! Maybe they can get married!" I was so excited!

I had another unrelated dream about having dinner with my husband. (which we did last night, for our anniversary) In the dream he ordered something I didn't want, and I stepped on the tray while climbing down from an elevated picnic table that we were sitting at with an few old high school boyfriends. 

My last dream... I remember the best... and was the craziest...

I was driving down a residential street in a Cadillac. The street was dark feeling. My house from when I was 8 was on a hill to the left. There was a large dip for drainage to the side of the road before the yard started. As I was passing my house I noticed some very small black and brown objects moving in the road. I stopped, did a U-turn and went back to see what they were. I got out and picked them up. They we fetal Rottweiler puppies. There was five of them. They were no bigger than your thumb. I gathered them up and ran them into the house. My husband and kids came in the living room and I asked them to help me. We had Barbie bottles, and My husband got some bowls of cream, but I was yelling at him to go get some formula from the store. I picked the puppies off of my hand and body one by one. There were now far more than 5. The first four were standing on and squishing the runt of the litter. I was so sad for it... it died. After I got the five Rottweilers off, there were some golden retriever, and poodle fetal puppies too. Then I pulled off 3 white fake looking mice. I was disgusted with them and yelled for my daughter to throw them outside. There was also a gerbil looking one that drank a bunch of the milk and was now expanding to 'hand size' and about to explode. I yelled for the kids to take that one outside too, "Quick, before it explodes!"  I was then very frustrated that my husband had not left for the store, I was worried that the milk we had would not be good for them. So pulling the last one or two off of me I ran for the door to go get formula myself!

OK, so... interpretation time.

Pregnant dreams are great! They mean that you are pregnant with something... an idea, a ministry, a new direction.

I know what I am pregnant with, and these dreams only confirmed it. I have an eschatological message that I am sharing on another blog, and with anyone who will listen, but it's come to the point that I am ready to share in a bigger way.  I am working on the fashion show to go with it, but I think there may be opportunities coming to just speak even if that is not finished.

Alicea and her husband have heard a bit of my schpiel (sp) and have both told me (not necessarily about that specifically) that I should teach. My dream involving her was very pointed. I said that our babies would be born the same year! That's this year. I am certain that this is the year that I will be able to teach on eschatology.

The electronic baby makes me think of the internet and possibly my "end times" blog. 

My mom called me today to tell me that in the last Bible study session they had, Beth Moore said that she too believed we are in the Tribulation. This was huge news to me, because I know the denomination that Beth comes from does not hold that stance. Both of our denominations are decidedly pre-trib. So to have Beth speak against that REALLY fuels my fire. I respect her a lot, and it just empowers me to be bolder with my message. So again... It told me that surely, this is the time for my ministry!

My mom being a key person in the dreams is also significant because I specifically tell my mom the new things I find on the subject, and she is one that I am really trying to persuade. She also tells me everything that she hears about the subject. 

As far as the puppies go, if you've read previous posts you'll know that puppies (to me) represent youth. I mentioned just beginning the after church program with the teens. I have also recently volunteered to teach the 4-6th graders if we start a "Sunday school" class for them, cause right now they are in with the little kids (K-up) and it's just too beneath them, IMO. I'm not sure if these two things specifically were what the dream was about, but again (a reoccurring theme) that I'm saving puppies.  This time from the street. One of my biggest burdens with the end times is that there are kids here for it all. I want so badly to tell them about the times so that they will not be scared, but it's such a "parent's thing" to do, that I don't feel it's my place.

Perhaps this is speaking to that. I have actually thought of writing a children's book about the subject that is fictional, and fantastical, but still would 'prepare' them for the coming years.

OH... so much to think about! So much to get moving on... What a morning it has been.

"Chasms"

I forgot to post yesterday.

The dream was about my husband and I on a cruise ship.

There was a swimming "pool" in the middle of the ship that was actually a rectangular cut-out in the boat that opened up to the ocean water. I was walking around the "pool" in a robe/blanket and fell in. I was very close to the ladder, so it didn't take long to get out, but I was scared of the depth of the water and possible sharks.

When I got out I went straight to my room which was at the top right corner of the pool around a corner and up a few steps.

I stripped and followed my husband into the bathroom. We were both naked and I was embarrassed of my size. (My husband has recently lost 40+ pounds, and I have stayed put... so now we are within 5 pounds of each other.)

This past night's dream should have been memorable. However, a minute after I woke up I only remembered one part...  and here it is...

I was over a huge chasm in space.  I was standing on the edge of an asteroid and had to get across to another one that was like a block away. There were two smaller rocks floating below. They were gray and looked like lava rock. I jumped from one ledge and touched one of the lower rocks. It was just big enough for one foot, but the minute you touched it, you bounced/floated up and over to the next rock. (It was very video game-esk). I should have been jumping much higher, but with each jump the rocks kept going lower and lower. I went from 10 feet below the two asteroid ledges to 20ft, and it was becoming more and more obvious that I was not going to make it across.

That's all I can remember though I know the whole dream was pretty trippy.

It's a bit interesting that both dreams have a chasm of sorts. One of the ocean and one of space. I was fearful of both and trying to get out of both. One I fell in by accident, and One I jumped in because I thought I saw a clear way across.  One I got out of safely, the other I never got out of.

"notes, prayers and conferences"

Last night was like dream central.

But, I only remember the last one.

I was at my best friend from childhood's house in a room with her mom and siblings. We were all talking, then Vanessa (my BF) pulled me into her room to look through some old notes. Her little sister Anne came in with some drawings she had done for me. (Anne is now totally grown up, but in my dream she was very little like I remember her.) I wanted to look at our notes, but Anne kept putting crayon pictures under my nose. There was a brass bed and white vanity in the room, all very girly.

Then I walked outside and on to a crowded Italian street. (We lived in Italy when I was a teenager. Vanessa lived there with me. We were both Air Force brats.) Vanessa was no longer part of the dream but other people from high school were popping up all over. I was headed up a set of stairs (ala Venice) and there were a few old friends heading down. I turned to follow them.

My ex-boyfriend Shane was walking with the group, along with his friends Kevin and Jay. Shane started to pray. I listened very intently (they didn't know I could hear). I was overjoyed at the sincerity of his prayer. Then Kevin prayed, his was a little less, but satisfied me none-the-less.  Then Jay prayed and made a big joke of it; saying, "God, did you see the bunch of $#&*$% nerds up there..." then faded into a laugh. Shane prayed again, and I continued following them into a sanctuary. Shane's sister was there, along with many many other familiar faces, and some non familiar faces.

I tried to find a seat, but no one would let me sit near them. I turned, and my husband was with me, so I took his hand and headed for the front. Towards the end I slid down the aisle on my butt and said, "weee". He was embarrassed.

We sat down and realized that the event was a John Bevere marriage conference.

The big screen came on and played a promo for what we were about to see. The advertisement started with a very boring lecture snapshot and a snapshot of an audience member yawning. Then it cut to John Bevere speaking in his overly zealous way, bouncing around stage. The voice-over said something to the effect of "you won't be bored here". 

Then to my right I saw one of John's traveling companions talking to the lady seated by her. The two women were slightly up in the tiered seating. She said, "well usually you won't be bored. I don't know what went wrong at our last conference; there wasn't much response."

 ...I woke up questioning the validity of the conference.

Perhaps the John Bevere part was suppose to remind me to take some DVDs to my pastor's wife today. I forgot anyway.

I'm hoping that Shane praying sincerely was a window into reality. I've been waiting for decades for him to take God seriously. Not to say that he doesn't in a small way, but not in a "change your life" kind of way.