More Exposure and Lack of Control

The night before last I had a dream about taking both dogs to "Camp Bow-wow" while I'm gone on vacation next month. That was simply pushing me to get a place lined up for them to stay.

Last night's wasn't so simple:
I had two dreams (that I remember), one in which I was with a group of girls at a mansion having a retreat of sorts (the girls were young, like teens and twenties,) and I had keys in my hand walking topless down the hall where there were a handful of bell boys and male desk clerks.
I was minding my own business, but was being suspected of something. I don't remember if it had to do with the keys, or being topless, or what, but the men (also in their twenties) were whispering about me, and one was following me to confront me. Towards the end of the dream he did confront me, but I shrugged it off and said I wasn't doing anything, just taking the keys to the room.

In the second dream I was with a group of older men (not elderly, just 40+) and we all had long aluminum tubes that we were making car frames out of. Each of us had our own and it was loopy. We had to straighten it, bend it, cut it... whatever to make it work. The aluminum caught fire easily just by banging the tip on a surface, and we were warned about that. I had very little control over the big long tube and mine caught on fire within a minute of me holding it. I asked for help to put it out, even from my dad, but they all just told me to blow on it. I tried to blow it out but it wouldn't; It even flared up at a few of my attempts.

The alarm rang, and I had to get up. :(

There is a very big theme this week of exposure, and incompetence.
I need to remember that dreams are generally warnings or your own doubts playing out, not necessarily a prediction of what is actually going to happen if you heed the warning.
With the girls on retreat I can wrap my head around being in a situation like that, but building cars with aluminum tubes with a bunch a men... I cannot.
Only because they were older than me, and that my dad was there, I have a feeling that they represent older men in church, building (metaphorically) church things that are mobile. I was trying to be one of them, but had no control.

I talked with my friend Carrie the other day, and the conversation led to "where I fit in at church". My son has stopped going to the kid's class. He is eleven, and it's just too "little kidish" for him now. I still help out in there, but it's become odd now that he's not in there. I had been doing stuff with the teenage girls, but that basically stopped at the end of last summer, and now the girls I know are about to graduate, so I don't really want to volunteer in there either. I haven't been a part of women's ministries in years, other than my own bible study I host at my home, which has nothing to do with my church.
So there it is, in black and white. I have assignments that I feel will be shared with the church once complete, and for now I will focus on those, but my dreams continue to hash out where I fit in ministry.

"A Swell Space" and "He's Driving Again"

Two dreams last night.
One was with my Swell Sisters (my art society). We were in a very cool house with very large and open rooms; completely furnished in a nice way, with nothing lacking.
We were working on an art project that involved beads and old jewelry. One sister (Alyson) was looking for all the pearls, because her piece was going to be made of pearls. (I had just been thinking of pearls at my mom's house this weekend because of her strand hanging near the mirror.) (Pearls, as you know are symbolic of long suffering, and are also not to be shared with "pigs". :-))
We all handed Alyson our pearls... some small some normal "pearl size". We worked on our projects and I looked around the room taking in all the features.
Then Michael Gorman showed up to tell us our time was over and we had to clean up. (Michael is another local artist who hosts life drawing sessions that some of us have been to.) In the dream he was leasing the space to us. It was his place. It wasn't bad that we were having to clean up or anything, and he was a very gracious land lord. We mentioned being back soon, and that was the end of the dream.

The next dream began with my son driving again. (Perhaps I'm thinking of this because of how he doesn't like my daughter's driving now that she is old enough.)(Or it's just another dream about him running the show.) He was driving with my dad and I in the car and we were heading for his class. The class was hard to find and we had to go up a side of a mountain and then back down again through an Italian looking village. He was taking the corners too fast and I was trying to get him to slow down. Some how my dad was the one in charge of our directions and the fact that we were running late. We finally parked on the side of a steep road aiming down on a curve. We got out and climbed down the hill about 100 feet to a small building that was tucked in the side of the mountain. I opened the door to let my son in. The class was full of kids and I noticed on the clock that we were 23 minutes late. I apologized to his teacher (played by his real teacher), and my dad and I went to wait outside at a cafe table in front of the room. There were two old Italian men sitting at the table next to us and they had small wooden dolls with them.
The dolls were more like Lego or Play Mobile people than what you may think of as a wooden doll. They had a flesh toned block of wood for the body that was carved to resemble a flattened over weight bowling pin about the size of your palm. There were hair pieces and other things that you could attach to the bodies. One could have blonde braids, and another a brunette bubble-flip. Then there were little hats that fit in a divot on the back of the hair. I dressed one to look like a candy striper nurse lady, and another more like a pilgrim. Then one of the old men held a man doll that he put some crazy wooden hair on and lit on fire. The doll did not burn up, instead the flames became part of his paint job and kept flickering. Even the doll's face (which on all the others was blank) started moving and turning evil.
I grabbed my dad and said, "let's get out of here". Then I woke up.

FIRE!

Last night's dream started with me babysitting some kids (aged 5-12ish) and walking them to the park near their house.
We left from their house, which reminded me of base housing on one of the AF bases where I grew up, (Edwards AFB). We took a few turns and were suddenly in a very industrial looking part of town at a park that sat between a subway station and warehouses. Even in the dream I found this weird, so I asked the oldest girl how the scenery had changed so quickly. As we were talking a group of policemen with a pack of K-9 shepherds walked to the park. The main handler of the pack walked right past us, and I went up to him to ask what was up. He mentioned a fire a few blocks away that was spreading quickly and he pointed in the direction of the house that we had come from.
For some reason I thought it was important to go back and get things out of the house so I ran back with my son who was with us.
We got to the house (which was now more like a trailer in a trailer park) and the fire had not reached it yet.
Inside the house it was obvious that the family that lived there only had one small baby girl, and that they liked to collect very cool wooden dolls that looked like they came from Germany or Austria or Switzerland. I started gathering what I thought looked the most expensive and told my son to gather things too. Then I called my mom's cell phone to ask what she thought I should do, since the people were her friends. (Either she, or the people, or both were vacationing in Hawaii.)She mentioned the diapers and practical things. "Oh... ok".
As I walked out with my arms full I saw smoke rising from below the house all around the foundation. I yelled for my son to come on out... that we wouldn't get any more we just needed to go. We ran out and onto a gravel drive with pine trees all around... Then I woke up.

The only part that came directly from life is the Hawaii part. I spoke to my mom yesterday about us all going to Hawaii together in May.
The dolls could be reminiscent of Christmas decorations I like that I have seen since this season started. The kids reminded me a little of the kids in the Narnia stories, which I'm looking forward to seeing this week, and I have seen a few German shepherds lately...
But really... nothin.
I do find it interesting that the last dream I remembered well was about a Tidal wave, and the one before that about an earthquake... Now here we have a fire. Next I should have a tornado... oh wait, I had one of those already too, kinda, with the hurricane winds that knocked off chunks of the skyscrapers in NY. (I think I wrote about that one on here.)
Anyway... I'm just happy I remembered a dream this week... it's been a while.

Backwards

Well, as much as the new puppy waking me up at 5:15 is annoying, I will say it definitely helps with remembering dreams.

In my first dream I was watching Greta (the mother of my daughter's ex-boyfriend) vacuum my house. The vacuum she was using was so full of static that it was causing sparks which started to ignite half way through vacuuming the bedroom. The carpet starting catching on fire in little spots here and there. She wasn't even flinching about it, so I grabbed a piece of cloth and started slapping the flames with it. The fire would go out in one spot, only to re-ignite in the area she had just vacuumed. I went behind her putting out each fire. (She also, was backing out of the bedroom... so we were both 'backing up'.) Then one fire starting traveling up her arm. I slapped it as well. She finally took notice and watched as I slapped her arm with the cloth. It wasn't working as well on her arm so I told her to go put her arm in some water.
That was the end of that dream.

The next dream was about a feast. I was inviting my daughter's ex and his whole family to a dinner at my house. (It was like the house we lived in when my son was a baby.) The meal would be held outside and had been cooked on a huge grill. I was grilling the meat and had told my friend Mitzie to work on the salad. The meat and the baked potatoes were ready and the guests were about to arrive. The whole house had cooking things all around as if I had been catering an event for a hundred people. I wasn't terribly worried about cleaning it up because we would be eating outside. I looked over and saw lettuce all over the place in the entry room. I told Mitzie that they would be here soon, and the salad came first... "why wasn't it ready?" She said she didn't realize that I had told her to make the salad. I was pretty pissed off at that, and had to rationalize with myself that we could eat backwards. We would have the meat first because it was hot and ready anyway... then the soup... then the salad.

In the last dream I was walking in a city. I think it was suppose to be New York. I was in a 'not very nice' section. I arrived at a tall townhouse that was mine. All the houses on the block were just like it. They were all gray cement, three stories high, close together, on a hill, with a yard in 'back' surrounded by a retaining wall. Before I noticed the back yard I thought that living in the city would mean that I didn't have a yard.
I was waiting for my mom to show up so I could show her my new home. She came and we walked around the outside. I realized that the yard in 'back', was really the front yard, but no one entered that way. Mine was the house on the far right of the block, so to get into my house, you just came in the side door straight from the side street. The yard was empty.

Interpretation...
In all three dreams things are "backwards"; that must mean something. That is the theme I see. Remember, three dreams in one night with a common theme is a serious message. It's important that I get this.
In the first dream, Greta was vacuuming backwards.
In the second dream, I had to serve dinner backwards.
In the third dream, the 'back yard' turned out to be the 'front yard'.

I'm going to start with something I've dreamed before: yards.
Back yards typically have meant things that are private to MY family that no one else sees. Front yards are public. Things about me or my family that everyone sees.
In dream number 3, the yard was empty; It was big and it had a retaining wall. At first I didn't even think I would have one. So is it empty cause I'm new there? Or is it empty because it's empty?

There should also be something significant about my daughter's ex's family. I haven't dreamed about them since they broke up early this year. Even then, I typically dreamed of the boyfriend, not his mom. I suppose it could be because yesterday we were talking about going to Costa Rice again, and that is where both of our families went on vacation together.
If I take their family as simply symbolic of Costa Rica, then does that mean that going could cause fires in the bedroom? Or that how I envision the trip is going to be turned around, "backwards" in some way? If that's the case, how does the NY town house play in to that?

Last night I put the possible vacation to Costa Rica as my facebook status. I woke up to seven comments on it. One of which was my husband saying, "Wow... how does a f-a-m-i-l-y discussion became a F-a-c-e-b-o-o-k status update, that quick? There has to be some sort of protocol to follow. ...you hear what I'm screaming? :)"
This could be how the "back yard" became the "front yard". (That could also account for the "fires" in the bedroom. I don't think he was very happy with me.)
Another one of the comments was my best friend saying, "Wait till next April and go to Costa Rica when Lance and I may be there." Perhaps this is the reversal of the trip. (of course, that's just wishful thinking on my part.)

Fabrics and Fires

Well, now that my husband is home I remembered another dream (cause he wakes up at 5:30).
It was a bit disturbing.
At first I was in a fabric store. A huge warehouse full of metal shelves holding all sorts of fabrics. Some were draping down, others just folded in their place.
I was going around seeing which ones I wanted swatches of to take home.
I wanted some pre-lined gray po de soie; (Like that exists), and whole bunch of other fancy fabric. I finally decided and was taking my friend Ramin through the store to get the swatches, but kept forgetting where the chosen fabrics were. I wondered why I didn't just take the swatches as I went around the first time.
Then I walked to another part of the building that was "my house". It wasn't anything like my house and I could still see that I was connected to the warehouse, but I was "home".
I went into the kitchen. The sink had a window over it that looked out at the front yard. (It reminded me of my front yard when I was 8.) As I stood there, I looked down into the sink and a glass had nearly imploded from a tiny piece of hot coal that was sitting inside of it. It was like a chemical reaction had caused the glass to fold in on itself. Then I glanced up at the yard and puddles of gas all over the yard were catching on fire. I yelled for my husband. I showed him and told him to get the hose and put them out. He ran outside as I watched from the window. The fires got bigger and bigger as I waited for him to get the hose. Then I woke up from his alarm.

Off the top of my head all I can say is "I don't want fires in my front yard." That speaks to bad things for all to see. It's encouraging that my husband was rushing to put them out, but who started them?
Are they linked to fabric in some way? My Feasts fashion show I'm working on? hmmm.

Fire Frustration

Yesterday I went to see "How To Train Your Dragon" with my son; it was a very good movie. 

It showed up in the atmosphere of my dream...  I even threw in one of the previews... a new animated owl movie.

In my dream I was making a fire. The fire was in an old looking fireplace meant for cooking, like something you'd see in the movie last night. I was going to put a pot over it  to cook a recipe I wanted. I also had another pot in the kitchen (old timey as well). The fire roared and puffed with thick black smoke. It was raging and I was thinking it was burning the wood too quickly. I started to cry, "Mom!... Mom!"  I called... crying for my mom to come help me. I was asking her how to do it. I was asking for the recipe, and how to tame the fire. I was balling, crying out for her to come help. The fire was dying quickly. It was down to coals and I hadn't even gotten the pot over it. I was crying and frustrated that I would not get my dish cooked. Finally I walked away from the fire and over to my mom, begging for her help. She commented on my whiny attitude and said she wouldn't help me if that's how I was going to act. I walked away to look for the recipe book myself. I walked past the fire and the pot in the kitchen to the outside (it was the house I had lived in when I was 17). I walked over to an old chest in a tent. (The scene was very similar to the town in the movie last night.) I was looking for the book "Owl at Home" (it's a children's book that I have from when my kids were little. There is a chapter in it on tear soup.) In my dream the recipe I was looking for was a saffron chicken and in the kitchen I was doing potatoes. I searched for the book and then thought, "wait, I know how to make that." I thought through the steps and started walking back to the fire wondering if it would still be hot.

The End

Do you ever have times when you get fired up about something but you don't know what to do with your passion. You have an idea, but you don't think you have what it takes to complete your idea, or to do it well? Your fire is burning fast and while you're calling frantically for help, thinking that you are incapable... it dies down.

I feel like that's what has happened to me over and over again with my projects. I get all fired up, I know what I want to do, (sometimes I feel capable, and sometimes I feel inadequate.) I especially feel this in my 'health' issues. I pray for help, frantically, not even imagining that I can do it myself. 

In other projects like my art, I often tell myself that if I just didn't have kids around to distract my focus that I would get it all done. I know that's not true, cause even while they are at school I get sidetracked with other friends and other non-project things. I have to think, though, that this is a relational life, I can't give up relationships to do projects. So my internal struggle is over which is "important" today. What should I be doing? My projects... and which one? Or helping a friend? Or just being with a friend? 

Please God, order my time, and help my fire not to fade while I'm floundering.

"Demon Fighting 101"

Busy dream night last night.  Not a very good sleep night, might I add.

Before I explain the dreams I'll point out how my yesterday went to note why I was dreaming such crazy stuff.

Almost all of my day yesterday was spent reading a book about the Anti-Christ by Joel Richardson. For about thirty minutes yesterday I watched part of a Prophetic seminar DVD that mentioned encounters with demon possessed people. 

I am also waiting to hear from my friend Paul, and he came up in a conversation I had right before bed. 

And finally last night I had a sexual escapade with my husband.

Given that was my day, these dreams won't seem so weird.

#1 Paul and I were going through backyards to get to his house and got caught by a cop for trespassing. 

(simple enough. I did have a FB conversation with an old mutual friend about backyards without fences, and I did get caught by an animal patrol guy with my dog off-leash a day ago.)

#2 I found a black clutch purse in a public restroom by a parking garage. I spent some time in the restroom washing my hands and drying them. Then I took the purse with me to my apartment. I had my small dog from when I was a kid with me as I went up several flights of stairs and into a small apartment. When we got into the apartment I realized that I hadn't let my dog go to the bathroom, so I opened the door to the balcony and told her to go out there. The balcony was really a room with shelves and a desk and closet, but the floor was rough concrete like a balcony. The minute I put her down I noticed a large husky looking dog at the window peering in. I quickly picked up my dog and made a dash for the door. The demonic husky looking dog leaped into the balcony room and chased us. We barely made it through the door (all slow motion-y) before he caught up with us. I tried to close the door but his paw/hand was blocking it. I got it locked with his hand still there, and then his other hand burst through the wall by the door frame on the other side. (He was more like a werewolf  than a dog) I ran out of my apartment to try to get the manager to come help me. I yelled up and down the stairwell for help, but no one was listening. I finally grabbed a guy and made him come with me.

Then I woke up.

I went back to sleep (It was only 1:00) and dreamed this one...

#3 I was in a house that was kinda 70's in feel. I was being attacked by a ball of fire with a human face. I didn't see the face till the end of the dream. During the dream I asked three different people to fight the 'demon'. I'd say, "through him out the window", and they would, but it would float back in. Finally my husband, who looked like Aaron Eckhart in this dream (the dude who played Harvey Dent/ Two-face in Batman) fought off the demon fire ball and won. The face on the fireball was Aaron Eckhart as well.

(Creepy huh?)

#4 Started as a replay of my sexual escapade with my husband. However, just a while into the foreplay his good friend came over and (for lack of wanting to be graphic), lent some assistance. Directly following a short time of  that my husband and I were leaving. My husband got up and walked away and his friend forced himself on me. My husband came back and pushed him off. His friend morphed into the werewolf creature from my previous dream and I clocked him right in the jaw. His entire jaw detached and went partially down his throat. I asked what happened and he gave me this weird cartoon like grin with no teeth. I said, "Oh, I'm sorry," and started to fix his jaw by pulling it out to it's normal level and hooking wires that went from his teeth to his flesh. His teeth were more like human teeth but in a long dog like snout. The wires reminded me of braces.

And that's the end of my crazy night.

Please God, let tonight's dreams be better. :-)

Church fires and Dachshunds, what?

I feel a bit weird telling you that yet again, there was a potty in my dream.  I must really need to unload some waste. ;)

 The dream's setting was church. I was in some type of women's group; there were women from my present church and the church we went to before. We were at a long table doing some sort of craft.  I got up to use the restroom. Went in, sat down, stayed there. People started knocking on the door (it was a small stall/room with sink included). I could hear and see (like looking down on the situation) the people outside on the stall. There was a group of guys from a rock band along with various other people. My husband came to the door angrily and ripped down the door/wall. I was pissed. I stood up pant-less and grabbed a hand towel to try and cover myself.  I walked out yelling at him, and two rock band guys went in. I looked around for my things and realized they were in the bathroom. I knocked and asked them to hand me my things.  The door cracked (yes, magically, it was back) and they threw out my stuff. I sat next to a dying fire that the other musicians were sitting around as I gathered my stuff. At one point I threw something (can't remember now what it was, but it was significant) into the fire and the flames shot up to bonfire status. The band who was waiting for the fire to die before they could leave, was now stuck there longer. I left, but I couldn't find my keys.

In the parking lot I saw my pastor and asked if he would help me. I gave him three options. "You can take me home, or you can call my peeps to come get me, or you can take me to your house and have them pick me up there," I said. He told me to get in, that he'd take me to his house for them to come there. 

As I rounded the small SUV there was another Pastor Scott, but with long, straight, shoulder length hair.  I looked over the car, and noticed they both had long hair. Then the first P. Scott took off the hair like a wig, and said, "That's my twin brother."

The long haired brother and I got in the back utility area where there were two brown Dachshund puppies. P. Scott took off, and the back utility door was still open. A wind tunnel was being created, and as we got on the on-ramp to the freeway, one puppy fell out. I reached my front half out and grabbed him and saved him. The P. Scott twin tried to get the door closed as I held the puppies. 

OK, obviously this one was not a positive dream. Emotions went from normal and happy to frustrated to pissed to 'oh no, oops' to confused to scared again.

The events of my 'real' last night may say a little something. I dropped my daughter off at church around 7:00 for her youth group that she wanted to attend. I did not stay even though there was a prayer meeting for the adults. I went to a Career Artists meeting instead. When I arrived to pick her up at 9:15 Pastor Scott was coming out, and the door was locked. He unlocked it for me and I went in to find my daughter in the back youth room. When we got home, I broke down and had a piece of my daughter's birthday cake even though I'm fasting from animal products right now. (The cake has eggs and cream.) And yes, I had another piece this morning. I suck when it comes to willpower. So, going to church may have helped me with those temptations, where, obviously, the CA meeting did not. (Though, I'd like to point out that I had nothing while at the meeting. ;-) )  I also talked with my husband on the phone about a parenting debate we're having over who my daughter can date now that she's 16.

As I look at my dreams, and me constantly in the bathroom in them, I wonder if it has to do with my struggle with the issues that surround my weight, or with my parenting, or with my time management. 

My husband getting impatient with me in last night's dream could indicate that at least in that dream that it was about the parenting. He's very frustrated that I haven't budged on my stance about my daughter dating who ever she chooses. (If you are a parent, you know that separation in the ranks causes multiple problems. The man feels disrespected; the woman feels like another child in the house... There's just an unpleasantness to all conversations or situations surrounding the topic.)

Back to the dream....  I'm pissed and exposed at church but now really only with this band who is waiting on a fire to die. (I should mention that my husband plays bass in the church band... but he wasn't there in that part of the dream). I imagine that the fire was blazing during the service, (fire not always a bad thing in regards to church... because of the symbolism of a 'holy fire' - passion.) I wish I could remember what I threw in the fire. It was long, like a flowing thick ribbon, or cloth, or possibly liquid.??? 

Anyway, I'm not sure about the Pastor Scott twin with long hair. I guess maybe it was something that 'put him into the band too' (the band members had long hair). 

I have a thing about puppies in my dreams. Not big dogs, but little puppies (and sometimes kittens). I am always saving them. Sometimes from waves in the ocean, or on cliffs, or from abandoned buildings, and this time from falling out of open moving vehicles. I'm not exactly sure, but I think it may have something to do with young people.  I am involved with the youth at church a little, and I never dreamed of the puppies until I got started with youth. Who knows. But it's interesting that Pastor Scott was driving and that the thing that made the puppy fall was a wind tunnel, and that it was out the back door on an on-ramp.  The Spirit of God is called "a mighty rushing wind".   The fast that I'm on is one version of a church wide 21 day fast that we are doing.  Fasts, in general, take you deeper in your spiritual walk. They can be very powerful, and of course, that's what we're hoping for. Our church (with P. Scott 'driving', but also with us in the work 'utility trunk') is a young church (3 years I think) that just now got our own building. In a way, this fast is our "on ramp" to the freeway of actually going, doing, and being a mission based church. (We have always had that as a focus, but it wasn't as possible without a building.)

Those are just some of my thoughts. Do you have any?