Last night's dream was disturbing.
I have no clue it's origin... Other than I was disturbed last night due to an upsetting e-mail from my son at camp. Poor little guy is having a hard time.
In the dream I had to sit in a seat that nearly hung over the edge of a very high balcony in a theater. There was something to do with college (noted by the people I saw around me). I sat waiting on an assembly of some sort to start.
Then two teen aged boys walked up to me propositioning me. One looked a lot like Paul Bettany (the dude who played the gambling poet in "A Knight's Tale".) He was scrawny and had redish hair and was naked. the other boy was the one that did the talking and was trying to get me to have sex with the red headed boy. They went so far as to show me his penis (which looked a lot like a finger with multiple bony knuckles) and give a detailed account of how each of the "knuckles" would feel.
I was repulsed, but was actually contemplating saying yes. Thankfully, I woke up before I made any decisions.
Aside from the strange penis... I can tell you that heights frighten me and that my college years were the biggest challenge of my life. Those two things make sense to be in last night's dream because of the fear I was feeling about my son, and about the challenge (the hardest of HIS life) that he is facing. The boys and the sex and the freaky penis... I have NO idea.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Closets and Camp
Still not sleeping great. I made a point to not drink so much water so close to bed time, so I was only up 3 times last night, but it took me forever to fall asleep. I'm allowed to have coffee and tea on this diet (which I don't usually have much of), and I had two espressos yesterday and a cup of tea... I think that's what did it.
Today... only in the AM!
On to the dream...
I was at a house from my childhood (from when I was a teenager at VAFB), but the carpets were from my friend Barbara's house. The carpets were mildewed and in bad shape. I was walking around with pants and a bra on thinking about the carpet when I noticed an old man walking up the driveway. I darted into my parent's bathroom and slumped down on the floor so I couldn't be seen. (The driveway came right past their bathroom window.) I could hear the man talking to my mom or somebody. He looked and sounded like Doc Hopper, the villain from "The Muppet Movie".
After that I went to look for a shirt. I looked in my mom's closet, which turned into a film set wardrobe area, with rolling racks of clothes. I found a cute white pique top with a scoop neck, short poof sleeves, and a coral band around the low waist. I put it on and then looked for a bottom. I found a floral skirt that watched nicely. It had a belt that wove in and out of the upper material. The skirt was very full and I had to tuck in the shirt. Once I did, I didn't like it anymore cause it made me look like a balloon. So I took it off. There were two camp counselors (one girl who looked like an old college teacher, Jane Wu, and one boy who reminded me of my son's camp counselor). They were telling me it was time to get going and that I had to hurry. We were going to San Fransisco for the day. I quickly found some jean shorts to shove on, and as I was putting away some other things I found a stash of baklava that had been hidden from us from an earlier meal. (The stash was in an antique side bar that I have in my hallway in my room, in real life.) I grabbed a few hand fulls and made a break for the road. It was a busy street with lots of cars and a very steep hill... like we were already in Frisco. I crossed to the center divide and started walking up hill following other campers, with some still behind me. ...and that was the end.
Well, obviously my dreams are having camp details thrown in because of my son being at camp.
My college illustration teacher, Jane Wu, was probably the most challenging teacher I had, so that speaks to challenge; I'm not sure if for me, or for my son.
Sneaking baklava out of my own sidebar in a place that my furniture did not belong, is very telling of how my diet is going. Yes, I'm still sticking to it and doing well at it, but the temptation to cheat (especially with one of my favorite sweets, baklava) is very strong. My way is to sneak. (If nobody sees, it really doesn't count, right?) WRONG. I HAVE to get that type of thinking OUT!
Why San Fran? I don't know. I saw pictures of my son hiking at camp the other day... perhaps walking the streets of San Fransisco is the closest I will come to hiking. :-)
Doc Hopper was a sneaky villain... why was he coming to my house? I think it had to do with the carpets. I have been spending more time with Barbara lately. We even talked about shampooing her carpets while we were on our walk today. Who's the villain that has to do with Barbara? hmmm.
And here I am again with just a bra! and again with looking through clothes. hmmm.
I should look at the past dreams with these themes again and see if I can draw any conclusions.
Today... only in the AM!
On to the dream...
I was at a house from my childhood (from when I was a teenager at VAFB), but the carpets were from my friend Barbara's house. The carpets were mildewed and in bad shape. I was walking around with pants and a bra on thinking about the carpet when I noticed an old man walking up the driveway. I darted into my parent's bathroom and slumped down on the floor so I couldn't be seen. (The driveway came right past their bathroom window.) I could hear the man talking to my mom or somebody. He looked and sounded like Doc Hopper, the villain from "The Muppet Movie".
After that I went to look for a shirt. I looked in my mom's closet, which turned into a film set wardrobe area, with rolling racks of clothes. I found a cute white pique top with a scoop neck, short poof sleeves, and a coral band around the low waist. I put it on and then looked for a bottom. I found a floral skirt that watched nicely. It had a belt that wove in and out of the upper material. The skirt was very full and I had to tuck in the shirt. Once I did, I didn't like it anymore cause it made me look like a balloon. So I took it off. There were two camp counselors (one girl who looked like an old college teacher, Jane Wu, and one boy who reminded me of my son's camp counselor). They were telling me it was time to get going and that I had to hurry. We were going to San Fransisco for the day. I quickly found some jean shorts to shove on, and as I was putting away some other things I found a stash of baklava that had been hidden from us from an earlier meal. (The stash was in an antique side bar that I have in my hallway in my room, in real life.) I grabbed a few hand fulls and made a break for the road. It was a busy street with lots of cars and a very steep hill... like we were already in Frisco. I crossed to the center divide and started walking up hill following other campers, with some still behind me. ...and that was the end.
Well, obviously my dreams are having camp details thrown in because of my son being at camp.
My college illustration teacher, Jane Wu, was probably the most challenging teacher I had, so that speaks to challenge; I'm not sure if for me, or for my son.
Sneaking baklava out of my own sidebar in a place that my furniture did not belong, is very telling of how my diet is going. Yes, I'm still sticking to it and doing well at it, but the temptation to cheat (especially with one of my favorite sweets, baklava) is very strong. My way is to sneak. (If nobody sees, it really doesn't count, right?) WRONG. I HAVE to get that type of thinking OUT!
Why San Fran? I don't know. I saw pictures of my son hiking at camp the other day... perhaps walking the streets of San Fransisco is the closest I will come to hiking. :-)
Doc Hopper was a sneaky villain... why was he coming to my house? I think it had to do with the carpets. I have been spending more time with Barbara lately. We even talked about shampooing her carpets while we were on our walk today. Who's the villain that has to do with Barbara? hmmm.
And here I am again with just a bra! and again with looking through clothes. hmmm.
I should look at the past dreams with these themes again and see if I can draw any conclusions.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
My Sister's Bungalow
Last night's dream:
I was in a room at a camp type setting with my sister. (Yes, her again... perhaps I should really talk to her next time she visits. ;-)
Anyway the room grew as we stayed there. It started very bungalow-esk and then by the time the dream was over it was like our godparent's (the Love's) house. (Yes, their last name is Love. ...which I'm sure has a significance to the dream's meaning.)
At first we were just settling in. Then there was a hamster that we had to take care of. (I'm pretty sure that imagery came from the Kia Soul Hamster commercial that played at the movie theater yesterday.)
The hamster was a hand full. I was trying to set him up in a Barbie doll house. (Last Wednesday I also saw "Toy Story 3".)
Anyway, as we gathered things and as we got ready for bed the small bungalow room became a two story house (also somewhat bungalowy ala the movie I saw yesterday "Knight and Day", when they were on the secluded island... but with just enough of the Love's house to recognize it.)
There was a movie on the TV; a western. (The TV was always on at the Love's). The stairs were the same as the ones that led up to the Love's game room. (The same stairs I fell down when I was a kid and knocked out my front tooth.)
I don't remember exactly what was going on, but I remember that I was trying to go to bed/fall asleep, and I couldn't, I was uneasy about something. (I did have a hard time sleeping for real last night. On this diet I'm drinking LOTS of water, and I had to get up and pee 5 times!)
Meaning... well, my sister lives in an early 1900's bungalow style house (not the type of tropical bungalow I was dreaming of, but perhaps it was just about the name bungalow that would point me to her.) So here I am at my sister's house... kind-of, but we were both looking around and getting settled. It was also the Love's house... our "god"parents from childhood. This could be a stretch, but perhaps it's about showing her God's love, and getting her settled in His house, which would be Him inside of her... still "her" house. My uneasy feeling comes around often when I think of her "walk" with God.
As for the hamster and the Barbie house, I'm pretty sure that's just media getting in there. I was a big Barbie freak as a child though. My daughter had a hamster once, and at that point in her life we often called her by my sister's name because they were so alike.
Well, no more time to think, I've got to go to church.
I was in a room at a camp type setting with my sister. (Yes, her again... perhaps I should really talk to her next time she visits. ;-)
Anyway the room grew as we stayed there. It started very bungalow-esk and then by the time the dream was over it was like our godparent's (the Love's) house. (Yes, their last name is Love. ...which I'm sure has a significance to the dream's meaning.)
At first we were just settling in. Then there was a hamster that we had to take care of. (I'm pretty sure that imagery came from the Kia Soul Hamster commercial that played at the movie theater yesterday.)
The hamster was a hand full. I was trying to set him up in a Barbie doll house. (Last Wednesday I also saw "Toy Story 3".)
Anyway, as we gathered things and as we got ready for bed the small bungalow room became a two story house (also somewhat bungalowy ala the movie I saw yesterday "Knight and Day", when they were on the secluded island... but with just enough of the Love's house to recognize it.)
There was a movie on the TV; a western. (The TV was always on at the Love's). The stairs were the same as the ones that led up to the Love's game room. (The same stairs I fell down when I was a kid and knocked out my front tooth.)
I don't remember exactly what was going on, but I remember that I was trying to go to bed/fall asleep, and I couldn't, I was uneasy about something. (I did have a hard time sleeping for real last night. On this diet I'm drinking LOTS of water, and I had to get up and pee 5 times!)
Meaning... well, my sister lives in an early 1900's bungalow style house (not the type of tropical bungalow I was dreaming of, but perhaps it was just about the name bungalow that would point me to her.) So here I am at my sister's house... kind-of, but we were both looking around and getting settled. It was also the Love's house... our "god"parents from childhood. This could be a stretch, but perhaps it's about showing her God's love, and getting her settled in His house, which would be Him inside of her... still "her" house. My uneasy feeling comes around often when I think of her "walk" with God.
As for the hamster and the Barbie house, I'm pretty sure that's just media getting in there. I was a big Barbie freak as a child though. My daughter had a hamster once, and at that point in her life we often called her by my sister's name because they were so alike.
Well, no more time to think, I've got to go to church.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Let the Inappropriateness Continue
Another weird one last night.
It began in a house most closely related to a house lived in in Florida when I was 7, but with elements of a house from NC when I was 5. I was there with my daughter and my son and we were getting ready to leave for somewhere. My daughter was ready and in the kitchen and my son was still putting on shoes and socks in his room. I was yelling at him to not lolly-gag. I was even getting violent. Not hitting him, just raving like a lunatic. He was a teenager in the dream (which is the first time I've ever dreamed of him older than he is). My daughter was still a teenager too though.
Out of the blue an old class mate named Terri Scott showed up at the back sliding glass door. I motioned for her to come around to the front. Then I noticed it was raining as she made her way around to a side door (also glass... and there were many windows along the side, so it was like I saw her the whole way as she walked). There were two dogs outside and both were wet and muddy from a puddle near the back door. I didn't want then to come in but I told Terri to come on in the side door. The dogs ran by her as she opened the door.
I walked through the back of the house again and my dad was sitting on the floor naked (a sight I've never actually seen). My daughter walked by and I got very upset with my dad for being exposed in front of her.
The scene changed a bit and we were in a house that I lived in when I was a pre-teen. It was just me and my dad and my mom in their room. My dad was still naked and the vibe was all wrong. Luckily I woke up then.
Thoughts on meaning...
well, my daughter and I had a conversation about penises the other day and how she had never seen one that didn't belong to a small child, or a statue. Also a day ago my nephew was wandering around the house naked and my dad made a comment about it. He quoted my daughter from when she was 2 and had walked in the bathroom where my dad was peeing. She said, "Why he's peeing through his dinger?" (meaning "finger").
That, I suppose, is why a naked father was in my mind.
As for Terri and the dogs, and the rain, and the glass... well, I don't know. I have been waiting for years for Terri to tell me something about her brother. He was a good friend of mine. She was a few years older than me and he was in my grade. She's on facebook, and he's not... so I've been asking about him, but still no word. Perhaps she will tell me soon. I'll go look on her page for news. I'm hoping it's not bad... as the rain and yucky dogs would suggest.
And why was I yelling at my son? Yes, he often does lolly-gag and it's irritating, but not "rage" worthy. Perhaps it's just my anger at kids at camp surrounding my son. I got a letter from him yesterday talking about some bullies at camp. It made me mad. Socks (with his name on them in sharpie) make me think of camp... which is what he was putting on in the dream.
It began in a house most closely related to a house lived in in Florida when I was 7, but with elements of a house from NC when I was 5. I was there with my daughter and my son and we were getting ready to leave for somewhere. My daughter was ready and in the kitchen and my son was still putting on shoes and socks in his room. I was yelling at him to not lolly-gag. I was even getting violent. Not hitting him, just raving like a lunatic. He was a teenager in the dream (which is the first time I've ever dreamed of him older than he is). My daughter was still a teenager too though.
Out of the blue an old class mate named Terri Scott showed up at the back sliding glass door. I motioned for her to come around to the front. Then I noticed it was raining as she made her way around to a side door (also glass... and there were many windows along the side, so it was like I saw her the whole way as she walked). There were two dogs outside and both were wet and muddy from a puddle near the back door. I didn't want then to come in but I told Terri to come on in the side door. The dogs ran by her as she opened the door.
I walked through the back of the house again and my dad was sitting on the floor naked (a sight I've never actually seen). My daughter walked by and I got very upset with my dad for being exposed in front of her.
The scene changed a bit and we were in a house that I lived in when I was a pre-teen. It was just me and my dad and my mom in their room. My dad was still naked and the vibe was all wrong. Luckily I woke up then.
Thoughts on meaning...
well, my daughter and I had a conversation about penises the other day and how she had never seen one that didn't belong to a small child, or a statue. Also a day ago my nephew was wandering around the house naked and my dad made a comment about it. He quoted my daughter from when she was 2 and had walked in the bathroom where my dad was peeing. She said, "Why he's peeing through his dinger?" (meaning "finger").
That, I suppose, is why a naked father was in my mind.
As for Terri and the dogs, and the rain, and the glass... well, I don't know. I have been waiting for years for Terri to tell me something about her brother. He was a good friend of mine. She was a few years older than me and he was in my grade. She's on facebook, and he's not... so I've been asking about him, but still no word. Perhaps she will tell me soon. I'll go look on her page for news. I'm hoping it's not bad... as the rain and yucky dogs would suggest.
And why was I yelling at my son? Yes, he often does lolly-gag and it's irritating, but not "rage" worthy. Perhaps it's just my anger at kids at camp surrounding my son. I got a letter from him yesterday talking about some bullies at camp. It made me mad. Socks (with his name on them in sharpie) make me think of camp... which is what he was putting on in the dream.
Friday, June 25, 2010
So Many Unwritten
I had my family visiting for the past week, so I never took the time to write my dreams. I did, however, have many nights of very interesting dreams. (Seems to always happen when they visit.)
I really wish I would've taken time to write them.
Last night's involved peeing in inappropriate places. (My nephew peed on my couch yesterday.) It was me doing the peeing in the dream though... in a doll's bed. At the end of the dream (after much pee related material) I had my husband below a table at a HS reunion in Vegas, doing things to me that are reserved for the bedroom. It was an all around "inappropriate" dream.
The night before I had a dream about switching rooms with my sister. My room had all of my old silver, black, and pink furniture, and her room had oak furniture, lots of knickknacks, a huge closet, and a small filing cabinet on her dresser. (We saw an old filing cabinet at the antique store Wednesday that my mom said would be good for my sister's organizing business.)
We switched rooms (I don't remember why) and an old lady came to look at our rooms. I showed her my sister's room as if it was my own. (Her room was very far from my style and would not have fooled anyone who knew us... so the lady must not have known us.)
It was a strange dream, and yet another dream about me being in my sister's closet looking at clothes. This time it passed beyond the clothes, and I looked through all of her things. I don't know what she did in my room cause I never went back in there.
This theme of my sister's clothes etc. is curious to me. I wonder if it has to do with weight... or if it's more about shared experiences as children... or the things I've adopted from my sister in my personality. hmmmm.
I really wish I would've taken time to write them.
Last night's involved peeing in inappropriate places. (My nephew peed on my couch yesterday.) It was me doing the peeing in the dream though... in a doll's bed. At the end of the dream (after much pee related material) I had my husband below a table at a HS reunion in Vegas, doing things to me that are reserved for the bedroom. It was an all around "inappropriate" dream.
The night before I had a dream about switching rooms with my sister. My room had all of my old silver, black, and pink furniture, and her room had oak furniture, lots of knickknacks, a huge closet, and a small filing cabinet on her dresser. (We saw an old filing cabinet at the antique store Wednesday that my mom said would be good for my sister's organizing business.)
We switched rooms (I don't remember why) and an old lady came to look at our rooms. I showed her my sister's room as if it was my own. (Her room was very far from my style and would not have fooled anyone who knew us... so the lady must not have known us.)
It was a strange dream, and yet another dream about me being in my sister's closet looking at clothes. This time it passed beyond the clothes, and I looked through all of her things. I don't know what she did in my room cause I never went back in there.
This theme of my sister's clothes etc. is curious to me. I wonder if it has to do with weight... or if it's more about shared experiences as children... or the things I've adopted from my sister in my personality. hmmmm.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
My Ministry Path
What I remember from Tuesday morning (yesterday):
I was in a large banquet hall with other church women. I went towards the kitchen through another room that was empty but could be used to expand the dining area. There was a trail of dog poop on the floor. I told my friend Elenice that I would clean it up. So I bent down and began to wipe it up with paper towels. My friend Jennifer M. also came in while I was there and talked to me. (Both of these ladies represent ministries at my old church.)
After that I went to my pastor's house which was more like a house I have dreamed of before as the Coward's house or as Miss Michele's house. It's a large house with shag carpet, a sunken living room off to the left of the entry, and a hall way to the right. In the dream I was there to mentor the pastor's son Spencer. Both my husband and I were supposed to do it, but my husband had not wanted to come. I got there and stood looking at some art on the wall while there was a gathering of women in the background having a meeting of sorts.
In the dream I never got any real time with Spencer. I left because I was insecure about what I had been asked to do; with out my husband there I didn't think it was my place to mentor a young adult male.
After that I had a dream or a vision (inside my dream) of an embryo inside of me and it's birth. It was up on a screen. Watching, I knew it was Spencer's baby, but not a real baby. It was symbolic and I knew it.
I walked into a large church sanctuary full of people I know. I sat near the back. I saw my friend Ann Marie walk in and down the middle aisle. She had on a police uniform and her hair looked like Linda Carter's. She looked gorgeous. Everybody starred at her and she said hello in a very commanding voice. Everyone was happy to see her. I observed the scene at a distance. When the service was over I was walking out and told another friend that I had had Spencer's baby. Ann Marie, Pastor Scott (Spencer's dad), and a couple other people gathered around me congratulating me; saying things like, "That's great!" and "Go tell everyone!"
Ann Marie pushed me towards the front saying, "It's so great that you will finally be up front."
I got to the front, and woke up.
So what's the significance of this one? Well, Elenice is a friend who helped me start my "Beauty for Ashes" ministry. Jennifer is a friend that helped me start my "Mission Blessing" ministry. (Both ended before I left Harvest church, though the remnants remain to some extent.) Ann Marie was my only spiritual leader friend in my last two years of high school. She stood by me even when I got pregnant and had my daughter. And Spencer, I would say, has the greatest potential of my pastor's kids to be a pastor/speaker/something some day. However, Spencer is also my last name and could have something to do with that instead. Either way... the multi -purpose banquet hall in the beginning speaks volumes about putting in my time cleaning up poop in and for various ministries. I think the end when Ann Marie is saying that I will finally be up front, is talking about my next ministry 'baby' being more up front than behind the scenes or as a clean up crew.
I was in a large banquet hall with other church women. I went towards the kitchen through another room that was empty but could be used to expand the dining area. There was a trail of dog poop on the floor. I told my friend Elenice that I would clean it up. So I bent down and began to wipe it up with paper towels. My friend Jennifer M. also came in while I was there and talked to me. (Both of these ladies represent ministries at my old church.)
After that I went to my pastor's house which was more like a house I have dreamed of before as the Coward's house or as Miss Michele's house. It's a large house with shag carpet, a sunken living room off to the left of the entry, and a hall way to the right. In the dream I was there to mentor the pastor's son Spencer. Both my husband and I were supposed to do it, but my husband had not wanted to come. I got there and stood looking at some art on the wall while there was a gathering of women in the background having a meeting of sorts.
In the dream I never got any real time with Spencer. I left because I was insecure about what I had been asked to do; with out my husband there I didn't think it was my place to mentor a young adult male.
After that I had a dream or a vision (inside my dream) of an embryo inside of me and it's birth. It was up on a screen. Watching, I knew it was Spencer's baby, but not a real baby. It was symbolic and I knew it.
I walked into a large church sanctuary full of people I know. I sat near the back. I saw my friend Ann Marie walk in and down the middle aisle. She had on a police uniform and her hair looked like Linda Carter's. She looked gorgeous. Everybody starred at her and she said hello in a very commanding voice. Everyone was happy to see her. I observed the scene at a distance. When the service was over I was walking out and told another friend that I had had Spencer's baby. Ann Marie, Pastor Scott (Spencer's dad), and a couple other people gathered around me congratulating me; saying things like, "That's great!" and "Go tell everyone!"
Ann Marie pushed me towards the front saying, "It's so great that you will finally be up front."
I got to the front, and woke up.
So what's the significance of this one? Well, Elenice is a friend who helped me start my "Beauty for Ashes" ministry. Jennifer is a friend that helped me start my "Mission Blessing" ministry. (Both ended before I left Harvest church, though the remnants remain to some extent.) Ann Marie was my only spiritual leader friend in my last two years of high school. She stood by me even when I got pregnant and had my daughter. And Spencer, I would say, has the greatest potential of my pastor's kids to be a pastor/speaker/something some day. However, Spencer is also my last name and could have something to do with that instead. Either way... the multi -purpose banquet hall in the beginning speaks volumes about putting in my time cleaning up poop in and for various ministries. I think the end when Ann Marie is saying that I will finally be up front, is talking about my next ministry 'baby' being more up front than behind the scenes or as a clean up crew.
"Where Is His Head?"
I'm on vacation in Spain right now. I wish I would have been able to use the computer every morning cause the dreams here are crazy, but I haven't had the time.
I'll start with Monday morning's dream, cause I did at least get to write that one down (just not on the blog...yet.)
Monday morning’s dream:
My husband, daughter, son, and I were all late for school and were driving all over an unfamiliar city trying to get there. (Yesterday we got a little lost in the city of Malaga,Spain, and drove around for a while frustrated. This was a lot like that.)
Anyway, I was in a horse drawn carriage driving and my husband was driving an open back vehicle (not sure what). My daughter was sitting beside me and my son was standing on the back of my husband’s vehicle in front of us. My son was holding on to a bar in the back and standing on the bumper area. I was fine with that. My husband, however, was turning around telling him to sit down. I started arguing with him saying to leave him alone. Then the unthinkable happened. My son let go of the bar he had been holding, and fell. I was directly after them, and had no time to stop. The horses barely missed him, as did my wheels. But the truck that was directly behind me ran over his head with its second wheel. By then we had stopped our vehicles, and I was running to see if he was dead. I saw his body, but not his head. (There was no blood.) I was screaming and bawling my eyes out. I frantically lifted (with super human strength) all the tires to look for his head. The tires were transparent and there was no head or splat anywhere. In one of the tires I thought I saw a baby’s head from the top, but it was just something round inside the tire. I was ballistic. Crying, screaming, throwing tires left and right. I was mad at my husband and daughter for not seeming sad. My husband was trying to stay calm and rationalize the event. He even pulled out my son’s baby book and looked through it. He found a poem about a river, and read it. He then asked (because the poem had a word that repeated over and over, sounded like “La”,) if all rivers were the same river because they all had that word. I threw a tire right by his head, and one by my daughter’s head. I thought about who was at fault, but settled on nothing. I was crying so hard that I woke myself up.
(…and I’m certainly glad I did; It was a terrible dream!)
The only other dreams I have ever had about my children dying were ones where they fell, and I dove after them. This is the first one that I could not follow or try to save them; It was horrible. I don’t know if I’ve ever cried that hard in a dream. I have no idea what it means, if anything. We are on vacation, and sleeping on hard uncomfortable beds, so maybe it’s just that. My only other thought is about how I am frustrated that my husband doesn’t seem to care about my son as much as my daughter. By that I don’t really mean less care as much as less time devoted. But the dream only says something about that in part. Why was his head missing? Why did the truck just run over his head? What about the horses? What about the river poem? I have lots of questions. I hope there is nothing to it… nothing at all.
I'll start with Monday morning's dream, cause I did at least get to write that one down (just not on the blog...yet.)
Monday morning’s dream:
My husband, daughter, son, and I were all late for school and were driving all over an unfamiliar city trying to get there. (Yesterday we got a little lost in the city of Malaga,Spain, and drove around for a while frustrated. This was a lot like that.)
Anyway, I was in a horse drawn carriage driving and my husband was driving an open back vehicle (not sure what). My daughter was sitting beside me and my son was standing on the back of my husband’s vehicle in front of us. My son was holding on to a bar in the back and standing on the bumper area. I was fine with that. My husband, however, was turning around telling him to sit down. I started arguing with him saying to leave him alone. Then the unthinkable happened. My son let go of the bar he had been holding, and fell. I was directly after them, and had no time to stop. The horses barely missed him, as did my wheels. But the truck that was directly behind me ran over his head with its second wheel. By then we had stopped our vehicles, and I was running to see if he was dead. I saw his body, but not his head. (There was no blood.) I was screaming and bawling my eyes out. I frantically lifted (with super human strength) all the tires to look for his head. The tires were transparent and there was no head or splat anywhere. In one of the tires I thought I saw a baby’s head from the top, but it was just something round inside the tire. I was ballistic. Crying, screaming, throwing tires left and right. I was mad at my husband and daughter for not seeming sad. My husband was trying to stay calm and rationalize the event. He even pulled out my son’s baby book and looked through it. He found a poem about a river, and read it. He then asked (because the poem had a word that repeated over and over, sounded like “La”,) if all rivers were the same river because they all had that word. I threw a tire right by his head, and one by my daughter’s head. I thought about who was at fault, but settled on nothing. I was crying so hard that I woke myself up.
(…and I’m certainly glad I did; It was a terrible dream!)
The only other dreams I have ever had about my children dying were ones where they fell, and I dove after them. This is the first one that I could not follow or try to save them; It was horrible. I don’t know if I’ve ever cried that hard in a dream. I have no idea what it means, if anything. We are on vacation, and sleeping on hard uncomfortable beds, so maybe it’s just that. My only other thought is about how I am frustrated that my husband doesn’t seem to care about my son as much as my daughter. By that I don’t really mean less care as much as less time devoted. But the dream only says something about that in part. Why was his head missing? Why did the truck just run over his head? What about the horses? What about the river poem? I have lots of questions. I hope there is nothing to it… nothing at all.
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