Another Potty Dream, and Trying on Clothes again.

When I was driving home last night I had a thought. I never dream about romance. I never dream about my husband or any mystery man in a romantic way. (Sure I have sex dream, but not romantic ones.) I was thinking about fairy tales and what we think of as "dreams".  I wondered how many people actually dream those type of dreams... or if that is limited to 'day dreams'.  ???

Anyway, no exception to the rule I had two completely non-romantic dreams last night.

The first centered around poop. (I think it came from our talk last night... trying to unload crap in our thinking.)

In the dream I was sitting around with a group of women (just like I really was last night) and we were in a restaurant that hadn't opened yet. It was a large ball room and the tables and chairs were not set up yet. I sat on a barrel that looked like a red trashcan/stool. Other people had different stools and chairs. (The chair I sat on last night was red too.) We were talking, and I began to poo. No one knew I was, and my butt covered the opening of the trashcan perfectly, so no smell was escaping. (Gross, I know). 

Anyway, a lady came in and said we had to leave cause they were going to open the restaurant. Guys came in and started setting up tables and a dinner party filed in. I was terrified over what to do with my poop. I held the trashcan to my butt as I stood up and walked out of the room.

The scene changed and I went directly into a men's locker room. There were athletes changing, and I walked right past them into a bathroom stall where I dumped the poop. I realized I had to go more, but didn't want to go in the men's room. I walked around to at least four different bathrooms looking for a place to go. The ones in the men's locker room had names like "armpit", and other names that made you think of stink.  I found my way to the ladies side and looked in their bathrooms. I finally settled on one that reminded me of an old dream I had in an Indian bath house type setting (if those exist). I walked up to one that was in a gazebo and two friends were close by. I sat down and listened to them talk. Each one had a story of a move, or something falling through.  My friend Kelly (from years ago) was saying she wasn't going to be able to move to Hawaii... along with other things.

That was the end of that one.

The second dream took place in what was suppose to be Roy and Gracia's house (the house I lived in during my freshman year of college when I was pregnant with my daughter.) Gracia was away, or in another room and I was all alone watching a movie. There were snacks set out for me and a giant glass vase on the table.  The vase fell (didn't break) and spilled potpourri all over the floor. I was about to clean it up when Gracia came out. I don't remember what she said, but she was upset with me and I walked away to my room where my mom was waiting for me to try on some clothes.  (Last night my friend Rebecca gave me some hand-me-down pants to try on). In the dream I was trying on what Rebecca had given me, but they were skirts not pants. They were all long thin dirndl skirts. I tried on the red one. Then I tried on one that had a long high waist  up to my boobs. It was white and had a layer of lace over top. The skirt portion was long and thin again, and I was surprised that it looked good on me. My mom was just standing by and handing things too me, and puffing my blouse out the top.

That was the extent of the dream.

At our group last night we talked about parts of ourselves we'd like to overcome, things that we're insecure about and what we could do about those things. My dream from last night was brought up... the one about the bustier. I find it interesting that in last night's dream, I am again trying on lace... with my mom... and this time it fit. 

The significance of Gracia goes back to the root of my over eating. That was when I got fat for the first time. "You were pregnant", you may say... Yes, but they ate out at nearly every meal (which I was not use to), and I gained FAR more than what you are suppose to while pregnant. It was a VERY low time for me, away from family and going through adoption counseling against my will. Eating became a very acceptable way of dealing with my pain. I had never really thought of their house as being the birth place of that issue in my life... but it certainly was.

I think the giant glass vase speaks of the frailty of beauty. My vase did not break, but there in that house, it was knocked over, and I never got to clean it up.

On tour, and Babies in the UK

Yes, It's been a while. Things at home were not conducive to dream journaling... and now that time has past the only dream I remember from the past few weeks is one about my Nanny (Mom's mom) reprimanding me for being topless.

Last night, however, I said a prayer before bed to ask God what He wanted me to do about my dream journaling... If He was going to talk to me that way any time soon, or if I should just let it go for now.

Well.. I had a night jammed packed with dreams, so I'm taking it as a, "No, I'm not done with that."

The first dream I am fairly sure was just an alert.

It was simply me talking to my son about something he was doing, and I kept saying, "It's too late." "It's too late, you can't do that now." "It's too late." I awoke from the dream to pee at 2:30. I could hear voices in his room. (He's having a sleep over). I knew immediately I needed to go in there and tell them it was too late, they needed to go to bed. So I did.

I went back to sleep and had a dream where I was on a tour with a big group in an open air jeep/bus. Somehow I got stuck on the towing hitch with my legs under the jeep and holding on to the handle in the back. I think I had just been sitting there while we were stopped somewhere, and then the driver took off, and I was still there.

My mom was on the jeep and she alerted the driver of my position, but he just yelled back if I'd be alright til the next stop.  I said OK, and off we drove. At one point I remember mentioning that it was like water skiing... but not in a good way.  The town that we were traveling through seemed a lot like the Long Beach/Naples area. But when we finally stopped it was in an old western town with dust roads etc.  I got off and went inside an adobe low ceiling-ed building with my mom and my sister. There were multiple small rooms at different levels, only a step up or down from the next. In the rooms were old artifacts and antique treasures. I found an old bustier, and took it into a small bedroom (now very old west style, wood) to try it on. My mom and my sister came with me. The bustier was too small in the boob area, but I kept telling my mom that when I lost weight it would fit, so I was going to get it anyway. 

A voice came over a loud speaker saying it was time to make our way back to the bus. The shop would do all final purchases now. I took off the bustier and had it along with something else lacey in my hands debating on whether or not to get them both.  A woman dressed like an animal, in a brown furry suit, snuck out from behind a chest in the bedroom and crept up to us. It was a little creepy, cause we then knew that she had been in there the whole time. When she got to us (still squatting like an animal) she started reaching with her exaggerated fingers, grabbing at the items in my hand. After a minute she started talking and saying, "You'll have to put them back... you don't have time... it's time to go." Her tone got more frantic til the end of the dream when she was saying, "Just drop them and go.... go."  At that moment a friend from the dressing room/bedroom next door came in and told me to mention her room lady as the sales person for my purchases. She explained that she liked her lady, and that they worked on commission. I got a quick image of her lady in my head as I walked out of my room to go to the cashier.

Looking back on the dream it seems very strange that the animal lady didn't want me to buy things if they worked on commission. So what was that? What was any of it? It's my first "tour" dream since the month we got back from our Israel tour. It's quite a different picture from other dreams where I'm driving, or even being in the seating area. I was being dragged behind... though not actually on the ground. And why my mom and sister? Or the bustier? 

The next dream I had last night woke me up at 5:30 with a gag reflex.

The dream did not involve me at all, I was just being shown an area and it's problems. The place was in the UK.  Conditions were terrible. Riots had left the city looking like a ghost town. Then my attention was directed at one man. He was an older black man, and he started to describe his situation. His kids had left him in charge of his grand kids, and the number of children he was watching just kept multiplying. (I don't think they were ALL family, but maybe.) There were all ages of children, but towards the end there were just more and more newborn babies. They were being born out of his (or my, or ???) mouth. I felt a gag reflex every time a baby came out. They were all in the fetal position and all had brown skin. I woke up and even heard myself gag.

I'd say that the scene looked very doomsday-ish but at the same time there were just more and more babies. Perhaps the babies were spiritual babies. hmmmm.

Cleaning Gloves and Spiritual Warfare

I am loving the breathe right strips! This is my fourth night of wearing them, and I hardly wake up at all during the night. (Somewhat due to that, I've had a harder time remembering dreams.)

Last night's was unforgettable though.

It woke me up around 5 something. (I went straight back to sleep of course.)

I was cleaning a kitchen with my mom. The kitchen looked clean, but then she would advise me to look closer and as the camera lens of my eye zoomed in a whole bunch of yuck that surely wasn't there before appeared.

We mainly worked on the area above the stove. We weren't in my "now" house, or any other house I've ever lived in, it was a future house. Once in the dream my mom even made reference to my "old" house (this one), reminding me how dirty above my stove was there as well.

After that area was done we moved over to the sink. There were piles of minty green rubber gloves hanging over the side of the sink. They looked a bit like medical gloves, but were thick like dish washing gloves, but without the griping textured palms. My mom had on a pair. I also had on a pair of gloves but mine were coral in color and were truly dish washing gloves with the grips and all.

A couple of military men came in the room from the right and stood on the opposite side of the counter island. I started taking off my gloves and they called for the "others" to come and hear some bad news.

I knew what was coming. Then one of the officers said, "We have gone to war." 

There was a rumble of talking among the people (about 20 or so strangers). Basically, the soldiers had announced that World War III had started.

I asked the officer, "Can I say something?"  he motioned for me to go ahead.

"The Bible tells us all about this. We are in what it says are the 'Last Days'..." As I looked around the room a hand full of faces were turning demonic. I searched over all the faces to see if everyone was turning. The room had all but faded and all I could do was focus on one or two faces at a time. Each time one of them (or both) would morph into something out of "The Firm" (Al Pacino movie from the 90s) (or like the kids from "The Passion"). I finally had a thought to focus on my own face, though I couldn't quite get my true image in my mind, but even the image that I got as I tried to think of myself, turned demonic. As soon as I saw the ash gray color start to surround "my" eyes I felt a cold shiver go down my shoulder (I was sleeping on my belly). I jerked and woke my self up whispering "In the name of Jesus" in a strained breath.

This was the first demonic dream I've had in quite a while. I use to have them fairly often back in 2006-2007 when I was involved in a ministry that encountered some demonic opposition.

Anyway... I know that a kitchen is the heart of the home. I've been calling my mom lately to help me deal with some "home heart" issues. On the back burner my eschatology ministry has been sitting untouched, though I'm still listening to new material daily on different radio shows. 

I'm not sure if the demonic opposition was to my "ministry" specifically, or if the dream was saying that my "heart of the home" problems were demonic opposition, even in order to keep me from my ministry... which seems to make sense to me given how this week has played out.

I know people tell me not to live in denial and to work through our family issues; that other stuff can wait... but isn't that just like Satan to hit us in a spot that he knows will take our mind off of what we are called to do?

Guidance... Please God, a little guidance here.

Take the Wheel, Clean the Baby, and Dress Up.

I slept great last night... I bought some "breathe right strips"... Thank you to the inventor of those!

My first dream started in a parking lot. I can't remember too much of it, but I remember the main part, which is that my ten year old son was driving the car while my daughter and I rode in it... Me in the back seat. At one point he turned and was on the freeway facing on coming traffic. I tried to talk him through turning back around, but some cars started coming and he froze. When the next opportunity appeared I jumped over the center console and took over driving.

(I think this is as plain as it sounds... I'm letting a ten year old drive me around... I need to stop!)

My second dream was about a baby. The baby was a girl, maybe 4 months old. My mom and I (and I think my daughter) were all taking care of her. She looked a lot like my sister's daughter with curly brown hair, and a button nose and big eyes. She had on a red frilly dress. She wasn't mine, but I was helping. I took her to the bathroom to change her diaper. I was holding her by the belly and running water over her butt, wiping her clean. Then as I was drying her off I got angry and was being intentionally rough with her. I wasn't outright shaking her, but I was jerking her around and had a mean look on my face. I was frustrated with the situation... which had something to do with the baby.

(This one, I'm not positive, but I think has something to do with my daughter's trouble. I think the baby represents my daughter's "fruit" so-to-speak. I'm trying to help clean it up, but it's frustrating, and mainly I just wanna hurt the little 'red dress wearing' thing. )

My third dream was a good one, thank God. I was with my sister and we were kids. The look we had going was based on a favorite picture from my childhood. (In the picture we were at my Grandma's house and we had on fancy dresses and some of her makeup.) In the dream we had choices of piles of frilly dresses and skirts and boas to dress-up in. We had our hair curled and mine was in pig tails (as was often the case growing up). We had lip gloss on too. We were dressing up and dancing around enjoying being little girls. It was a very enjoyable dream!

(I think this one is a flipped coin from the MANY clothes trying on/sister dreams I've had in the past few months. In all the past dreams I've been a teen or an adult and the clothes rarely fit, and it's rarely 'even' between us and rarely fun. This one, being free and innocent, and just being ourselves, we had a great time. All the clothes fit, and we enjoyed each others company.)

While on my Trip

I'm always interested to see what kind of hotel dreams I have while away. Hotel dreams can be some of the wildest ones ever. This trip (to Vegas) wasn't as good as most, but I still had some interesting ones, and definitely some influenced by the surroundings.

The first night we were there we went to see the Blue Man Group, and I had a "drumming" dream. There were all types of things to drum on (just like the show) and different people from all over were taking turns on stage to drum for various causes. The last cause before I woke up was cancer.

The next night I had a 'not very nice' dream at all. I was with my husband and we were at a table in Vegas, I went to ask him something and he ignored me. I then attempted to ask him if he loved me, and a very fake bodied, brunette held my arm as I reached, pulled me aside and said, "Isn't it obvious... He's done with you." She gave me a very sympathetic look as I became dejected and walked away.

The next night (after a rather sad afternoon by the pool) I had a dream that I inherited a house. The house was built back in the "Little House on the Prairie" days but was still holding up. I was getting a tour of the property. (No one was with me, except 'the voice', my guide. I could talk out loud to him. If you've read way back in the beginning of this blog, you may remember "The voice", whom I assume is the Holy Spirit. If you can talk and ask questions of a "no body" in your dreams, and he answers, either with words or thoughts, that's Him, most likely.)

Anyway, the land on my property was a few acres I'd guess, and sloped down significantly in the back, where most of the land was. The house in the front of the property was very small, possibly 1,000 or so square feet. I didn't go inside the house until I had walked the perimeter of the yard. There were no fences and my dog ran to the neighbor's yard to the right of the house. The neighbor was a grumpy old man who yelled at me for letting my dog go. 

As I looked down to the bottom of the hill I thought of where to put a pool. There was plenty of room. The more I looked I saw a huge puddle at the bottom of the hill. The drainage was obviously bad. I tried to stay positive and say, "well, we'll put the pool there." I reached the bottom of the hill and walked around a small wall behind the puddle and back up the left side of the hill. When we reached the house, we went in. (Me and the voice). I looked only in the front room which was very quaint. You could see directly into the kitchen just beyond the front room.  The front door didn't quite fit in the door frame, like it had swelled over time and you had to give it a good shove to make it close. 

Just then it started to rain... really hard. The rain started pouring in through a hole in the upper part of the front door, in the center. It was only that one spot and quite a steady stream. I asked, "How are we going to fix it?" Just then He picked up a piece of wood from the floor that fit the hole perfectly. (I can't remember if He gave it to me to plug up, or if He did it himself.) But it plugged the hole perfectly and the rain could not get in.

...and that was the end.

I'd love it if this dream had nothing to do with me and I could give it a different interpretation, but as often is the case, houses/ property represent ourselves. This one is very telling of how my week, month, year... is feeling. I have a big property, but my drainage is terrible, my house is beaten down. My front door doesn't close well, and the rain comes in steadily. There are no fences. I live on a hill. 

I am happy to know that there is a perfect fit for the door to help the rain stop coming in... I will be looking for that... on the floor.

God help me.

#1 I grew up watching (loving) "Little House on the Prairie". I always wished my name was Laura or Lauren. 

#2 I let my dog off leash on walks when no one is around. I know it's against the law, I hate that law. I like how it is in other countries where they are free like cats. But unlike cats they are loyal to their owners and basically just follow them around. Anyway, I was yelled at the other day by a grumpy old man about the dog being off leash. Those type of things hurt me way more than they should.

#3 I am going to counseling once every few weeks these days, so I'm dealing with a lot of stuff that has just piled up over the years... in the back yard... so to speak. "Dealing with" would be a good phrase, but right now it feels more like we're just able to see it all... It's not moving. I had/have an optimistic outlook for what my 'land' could be, but  upon closer inspection you see the "puddle". Sure we can "pretend" like it's OK... just put the "pool" there, but really, It's a drainage issue, and I need to get rid of the water, not mask it.

#4 I don't want to shut people out, but I do think that there must be something to the front door unable to shut properly and having a hole where the rain comes in like a watering can is aimed directly at the hole. I think this is about how easily I am hurt.  (by family, friends, and strangers).

Rescuing Dogs

Yesterday  I saw a small black dog dodging traffic on Elk Grove Blvd. in rush hour. He made it safely to the side... while I watched. 

I also had a man reprimand me for having my dog off leash yesterday while on our walk.

I had a pretty pity party of a day (due to other things... not those) and went to bed crying.

Last night's dream was about dogs.

In the dream, the same little black dog was running around the street and another girl (long brown hair... could have been me, but I was watching from a distance) and my friend Cheryl (who works with dogs) caught him. As they were taking him away, through a city park (just grass) (Reminded me of the Curtis Park area in Sacramento) a box was dropped in the middle of the street. It was a large refrigerator size box taped with duct tape and it had holes punched in it. It had a dog in it; a big one. As they were about to get it open a van squealed around the corner and Cheryl and the other girl jumped back to the sidewalk. A man reached out of the open back of the van and pulled the box in. At the same time, he pushed a gray short haired large dog out of the van. The gray dog looked a little under fed and scared. As the van peeled away the girls took the gray dog and the small black dog to Cheryl's town house. (Really she has a house, but in the dream she lived in a small town house that also looked like it fit in the Curtis Park area... that era at least.) With both dogs inside Cheryl's roommate (the brown haired girl... not her real room mate) was sitting with her back up against the door and her feet on a wall making sure the door would not open. Cheryl was also sitting on the floor on the opposite wall.

It was like they were hiding out. 

On my walk yesterday my friend Carrie and I were talking about my pity party, self-condemnation, etc. The man had just walked by scolding me about my dog off leash and those type of things effect me more than they should. (On a side note... I've been to many countries, and America has THE worst dogs! Everywhere else they sit in shops, on the beach, free... And nice. Here, we chain 'em up, blah blah blah, and they get frustrated, and mean.) Carrie started to use dogs as an illustration for myself. Chained... we're frustrated, in bondage. My dog walks all zig-zaggy on a leash. He drags; he goes around you... He wants to be off. He does great off-leash (unless he spots a rabbit... then he chases it.) Anyway, my point is... I'm not sure if I was the brown haired girl in the dream... or one of the dogs... or just an on looker. But the dream definitely reminded me of being miss treated, and hiding from those that miss treat me. (not physically, mind you, but emotionally.)

Island Vacation, Bath Cave, and Highrise Homework

In mt first dream I was swimming in an enormous man-made lake. We were on vacation of some sort and had just arrived to our island home. The scene around the side of the lake that we were on was very 'other worldly'. It looked like a movie set. The houses were built way too close to the water, jutting out of the (not very high) cliffs. There was brown showing around the homes, and vines hanging sporadically. There were wooden deck walkways from some houses and others you had to use the vines to get to.

We had been dropped off somewhere in the lake and were swimming to shore with a group of people. The only person outside of my family that I recognized was our friend Greta. (That makes sense because we have been on vacation with her twice, and really don't see her otherwise.) A large man led us up the bank and then we made our way around the cliffs to our 'home'.  That's all the dream had in it.

The second one was also about water, and lots of it. It was a roman bath house type place, but huge, and more like a cave. I was with a few of my Swell Sister ladies and we were 'bathing'. There were a few tiers to the place, and above one was a large water fall that glowed with a golden hue. The whole dream was just swimming around and climbing and being in the water fall etc. No talking. I had to wake up from the dream to pee in the middle of the night.

The third one was in a city setting. I was with my dad and we were visiting my friend Dori. It was a school day and I had to get to school soon. We were up really high in a sky-rise in her apartment in down town LA. (Even though she doesn't live there, or in an apartment, but the school we went to together was.) She was showing us her new doggies. (She does have a new doggy since I saw her last, but these dogs were not the right breed.) The dogs in the dream were "purse dogs", one black and brown and white with furry pointy ears like a papillon, and  the other was like a white miniature poodle.  I was holding one and we were looking out the window talking about taking it down to pee. But I realized I was late for school and I started urging my dad to hurry and take me. I grabbed my back pack, but I didn't have my books. I scrambled to find the books, got them into the bag and then realized I hadn't done my homework. I had English and some sort of Science. Then I reasoned with myself that I wasn't going for a grade, I was a grown up, and it really didn't matter that I hadn't done my homework. Reasoning with myself led me to remember I'm not really in school, and then I woke up.

Once again, I am at a loss for any meaning... but they were interesting dreams none-the-less.